Story : FIFA WIP

“Are you doing, that thing again?” He asked.
I paused before replying. I felt the importance of the moment. This pivotal moment in my life. If I said yes and he hung up, what would my life be like from that point on? If I lied, said no, and changed before he came over, then what would that mean? But I wasn’t really thinking about those possible outcomes. I was thinking, wishing for the possibilities, of the other one.
“Yes.” I said quietly. There was a moment of silence on the phone. “Okay.” He said. “I’ll be over in a minute.”
The phone clicked off and I stared at it. Had that just happened? What did it mean? Was he just tolerating it? Yes. Of course he was. He just wanted to play Fifa more than he cared about what I was wearing. He just wanted to know, so he’d know what to expect. In a way, he was asking, to let me know he didn’t like it. That he’d prefer I wasn’t doing it. But it was my house, my video console, so he couldn’t tell me what to do.
I looked down at myself. I straightened my dress. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror, straightened my hair. My makeup was perfect. Of course it was, I’d only put it on a few minutes ago. I had the whole day until my parents would be home and nothing to do with the two weeks before college.
I listened. The patio doors swished open just like they had around this time the day before. But this time I didn’t have the game console sound up so loud. I was listening for him. Jamie stood in the doorway. He was looking at me. I looked at him. He was wearing a nice top. Tight, striped. They showed off his slightly muscled frame. Jeans. Also tight. Nice trainers. He looked good.
I was in my prettiest dress. A soft pastel blue. Flesh-toned pantyhose. My strappy sandals were kicked off in the corner. My hair, long and soft was tied up behind my hairband. I’d spent two hours getting dressed and made up, doing my hair. He took a long look.
“Fuck, George.” He said, at last. “You really went all out.”
“I like doing it.” I said. “You’re sure it doesn’t bother you?”
“No.” He said quickly. “It doesn’t.”
“You want to play?” I asked, indicating the console.
He shook his head. He looked weird. Almost angry. He’d had a look like that the day before, when he’d come in so quietly and found me dressed as a girl, playing video games in this same room.  He’d looked, well, kind of emotional. Beyond the shock and embarrassment of being found, indulging my girly fantasy, I’d genuinely thought he might hit me. He’d seemed so freaked out. I’d had no idea how he might react but I couldn’t have guessed  what he was thinking.
“Why? Why didn’t you tell me?” He kept saying. And “Oh my fucking God, George?” Over and over. I’d said I was sorry. Though I wasn’t sure what I was apologising for. And I’d asked him -pleaded with him - not to tell anyone, and he’d seemed even more angry at that. “Of course I won’t tell anyone.” He’d snapped. “How can you even ask me that? I’m your best friend.”
I’d been so relieved he’d said that. Not just that he wouldn’t tell, but that he still considered me his best friend. We’d known each other for five years. Been so close. He seemed to be most angry that I hadn’t told him. I’d offered to change back into boys clothes but he’d said no. And then he'd just made an excuse and left.
Later that night I found myself close to tears. I was stripping off my sissy clothes before my parents came home, and all of a sudden I felt a painful sob well up. I loved dressing as a girl so much. Jamie was the first, the only person who had seen me, and while he hadn’t said anything really bad, he’d been so upset and he had upset me and I'd felt small and rejected and shameful. I'd wiped my tears and got myself under control but I’d felt so miserable.
The next day, after my parents left for work, I considered not dressing, taking all my stuff and dumping it. Purging girl-me out of my life. I’d felt the sadness well up again and I’d relented. No. I wouldn't do it. At least I would have the feeling of being a girl on my my own. I hadn’t known if I would ever see Jamie again, much less if he would call over. When he’d rung, I’d felt thrilled. But I knew I wasn’t going to hide my true self from him any more. Maybe we could still be friends.
“You want to play Fifa?” I asked again.
He shook his head, still staring.
“Why do you do it?” He asked.
“I like it.” I said. We were just repeating the conversation from the day before.
“Do you want to be a girl George?” He asked.
“Yes” I  said. “I think I always have.”
“Are you going to do it, in college?” He asked. He seemed to have thought about this in advance.
“Yes.” I said. “I think so.”
 “And, are you, do you .. like boys?” He asked.
The six million dollar question.
“I ... I think so...?” I said.
He looked angry again. “You  do or you don’t.” He said.
“Please Jamie, don’t bully me.” I pleaded. “I mean. .. I‘ve never been with a boy. I think I’d like to be. But I don’t know for sure. I mean. I know I want to dress like a girl. Be a girl. but it’s kind of confusing.”

His face was kind of worked up. He was so hard to read. Was it really anger, or something else? He seemed to be having trouble speaking again. At last he almost spat out
“Do you want to ... be with me?”
All of a sudden I realised something. He thought I’d set it up the previous day. He thought I’d deliberately arranged for him to find me dressed. He thought I’d planned it somehow. Had I? I didn’t think so. I’d never thought of him that way. Not till now.
I gasped a  little. “Do you?” I asked. My voice rising an octave.
He shook his head firmly. “No. No.” He said. “I asked you first. You’re the one ....”
As he spoke my mind was spinning through the possibilities. Giving him a blowjob. Him spearing me with his cock. Him kissing me.
“Yes. Yes.” I Said. “I mean, I know you’re not gay Jamie, but yes. I would like to. And it would help me. To know ... if I do like boys.”

He took a step forward, towards me. For some reason, I flinched. He’d always been bigger and stronger than me. More athletic. Better with girls. And now, in my dress and my pantyhose, my makeup, I felt vulnerable, submissive.
He reached out and grabbed my hand. “Not here.” He said. “Upstairs.”
I followed him, meekly. Inside I was churning. Like my stomach had a blender inside. I’d never imagined this. For me, dressing, being girly, was an end in itself. Sometimes I masturbated while I was dressed. Often, in fact, but usually I looked at porn of women when I did so. I  didn’t think I’d ever even thought of myself as gay. Not till now. And now, all I waned was to have sex with Jamie. Make him pleased with me.
He pushed open the door of my bedroom and I stumbled after him. He turned around, he was breathing heavily. I felt his arms go around me and then his mouth descended on mine. He was kissing me. I was so startled I didn’t know what to do. His mouth slid over my lips and it was awkward and he pulled back but I pulled him to me.
“No. Sorry.” I whispered. “Yes. Do it again.” And this time I opened my mouth for him, let him slide his tongue in and  I let my head go back and he hugged me hard and I could feel his erection through his jeans, pressing against me.
He broke away again. though I tried to hold him to me. I could hear his heart thumping. He scanned over my face, searching.
“You want to go on?” He asked.
“Oh yes. Yes Yes Jamie, yes.” I breathed. Then I looked back at him.”Yes. If you want to.”
“You’re so fucking sexy George.”He said. “I just ... I’ve been with girls .. but you’re so .. so.”
“Say it. Please. I have to know.”
“So right” He groaned. “I mean, I want to do you. More than I ever wanted a girl.”
His words made my head explode. He wanted me. It felt right to him. I wanted him so badly. Even more though, I wanted him to want me.
“Right in what way?” I asked urgently.  “I mean, what is it you like that makes you ... want me.?”
“Jesus George. everything, the dress, the makeup, the way you are. ..”
“But every girl is like ...” I said, but then I realised. He felt I was doing this, dressing like this, for him.
I tested it.
"You like the way I dressed for you? I wanted to be sexy for you Am I slutty enough?"
"Fuck, yeah George. Yes. You .. you look great."
"I want. I want you to want me Jamie. You understand? I'll do anything for you. Wear anything for you. You just have to tell me okay?"
He nodded and then his face loomed in again and my head swam as he kissed me. I groaned and moaned as he pressed his lips against mine and I moved my body against his.
I didn't want to break off but he pulled away again.
"George, I'm sorry..." He said.
"What? No! Please. What did I do wrong?" I whined. I couldn't believe it had all gone wrong so fast.
"Nothing. Nothing. It's just, you know, we're friends and I don't want to ..."
"We can still be friends. Please. No. This doesn't change anything."
"Shut up. Shut up." He said. "You don't understand. If I .. If we ... I mean, you say you'll do anything, but I don't think you mean it. I couldn't you know ...."
"I do. I do." I said. "I want you so bad. I do mean it. I want you to fuck me. Hard, I'll be a slutty little bitch for you. Better than any girl you've had. I want you to fucking nail me Jamie. Please. I know I said I wasn't sure before but I'm so sure now. I am so gay for you. I want you to do me now. I want to be your slutty little bitch."

"You sure George? Because this could be kinda rough."
"Oh fuck yes." I said. "I want it like that. I want you to own me. I want to be a slutty little whore for you and feel your cock inside me."
He looked a little startled at how effusive I was and for a second I thought maybe I'd blown it with him again.
Jamie was popular with the girls at school. He wasn't a jock but he was a track athlete. He looked good and he had an easy confidence that was easy to admire. He'd been with a lot of girls but never for long. When we hung out at school girls would come over and say Hi and flirt with him but he never seemed very impressed.
"Thats what you want, huh?" He said.
"Yes. If .. if you want me."
His hands went around me, cupped my ass-cheeks. I bit my lip.
"I've always wanted you Georgie." He whispered. "I've fought it. I'm not gay. I don't think so anyway. I don't go for guys, but you're so ... shit, you're so girly, you've always been like that. And now, fuck, you look so hot. I can't believe .. I mean, fuck, how long have you been doing this?"
I gazed at him. He was so good-looking. I wanted him to fuck me so badly.
"Forever." I said. "I mean, I dunno, like, I used to steal Claire's panties and wear them sometimes, even when I was maybe seven? And then she got mad and she went and bought me a load of girl's clothes and, yeah, she still does. Just to keep be from stealing hers. So, like forever I suppose."
"But you never, you never told me, You never even ... I mean, that time, at Trisha's party..."
He was referring to the first time we'd smoked pot. It was late, at a party. We'd been playing the 'Never have I ever' game and it was Trisha's turn and She'd said "Never have I ever fancied my best friend."
And we'd laughed because we all knew she and her friend Alison had kissed earlier that evening. And then Jamie had taken a toke and said it too and we'd all laughed but it had been so funny, and was I even his best friend? I'd thought it was a joke, but now ...
"Did you mean that?" I asked. "Did you mean me? I thought that was a joke."
His hands were caressing my ass through the silky fabric now. It felt amazing.
"Of course. That was why it was so funny. I mean, you know, they all know...."
"What? At the party? That you fancy me? Seriously? I mean, how ...?"
"They just know, okay?" He said.
I shivered. The thought that other kids in school might know this, that Jamie had talked to people about this, almost made me light headed.
He continued. "Alison said I should just go for it. She said she could tell that you'd want it. She said she knew. I thought, fuck, she's crazy, that you'd freak out. That there was no way you'd want. And then yesterday, oh my god, when I came in here and saw you in that mini-skirt... I just, I realised how dumb I'd been. I mean, you knew right? You had to know there was a chance I'd call over to play FIFA. You were waiting for me, right? You wanted me to see. You wanted to show me you wanted me, right?"
"Yes. Yes." I said. "I mean, I didn't think that just like you said, but I must have, thought it subconsciously or something I really didn't hear you come in. But yeah, I was thinking, I'm going to college, I'm going to dress as a girl full-time, why not?"
"Yeah, but it's not just dressing like a girl, is it? You're not wearing just a dress, you're all, you know, slutty and sexy. This is, this what a girl would wear, when she wanted, you know - to flaunt herself - for a boy to have sex with her?"
We were still standing, he with his arms around me, and mine draped over his shoulders.
"Kiss me again please." I said and he leaned down and this time, as he did so I let my hand fall from his shoulder and I moved it over his erection, feeling it's length through his chinos. It was so much larger than mine. I'd always felt jealous of him, his body, but now I felt different, not jealous, but hungry. All I could think of was getting him into my mouth. His kiss felt wonderful. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and slid my lips over his wetly. Whenever I put on lipstick I imagined what it would be like to be kissed like this. It felt wonderful, intimate. I hoped eagerly that he liked it as much as I did. I'd do anything to have him want to kiss me like this. We broke apart.
"I don't care if people know." I said. "I don't care if people think I'm gay, that I'm a sissy." As I said it, I felt a shudder. I wasn't just that I didn't care. I wanted people to know. "Would you care Jamie? It's be different for you. Would you care if people knew you were fucking me? If I was a sissy?"
"Jesus Georgie, are you really saying that? I want to fuck you so bad. Would you really do that? Wear girls clothes all the time? Be my girl?"
"I want to be your girl! Yes! Oh Please Jamie. Make me your girl! It's the only thing I want. That's what I want to be."

I broke away, sank to my knees on the carpet and scrabbled at his belt and his jeans flies. "Please. Please. Please. Let me put it in my mouth." I whined.
"Okay. Okay." He said, relenting. "If you're sure. Of course. But I'm not making you. You know that?"
He was making me though. He was making me want it. At last I had his belt open and his button popped. My fingers felt stupid, clumsy. I unzipped him, the sound giving me another chill.
He was wearing cotton shorts. I ran my hands down the length of his cock through the fabric. I looked up at him, feeling a grin come over my face.
"Oh my God Jamie, is this for me? Really? Do I make you hard?"
"Yes. Yes. Oh fuck Georgie. Have you done this before? For some other guy?"
My eyes widened. "No!" I said. "Fuck Jamie. Nobody's ever even seem me dressed before. Of course not. I wouldn't want to. But for you. Oh my God. I want it so bad."
I was peeling down his waistband, revealing his cock-head. It looked wonderful. I wanted to savour the moment.
Above me, he asked. "And a girl? Did a girl ever do this for you?"
"No. No. But I think I know what I'm doing." I said.
I had peeled the tight shorts down all the way now. His cock looked beautiful. I'd never thought this way before. I hadn't really thought about it at all. I liked girls. I liked how they looked. I longed to be like them. When I dressed I fantasised about boys a bit but usually I thought about how it would be to be treated like a girl, not about them really. Not about cocks. But now, I really wanted it. It felt good in my hand. He was so stiff and it felt so warm and pleasant. I stroked my hand over it, rubbing the tip gently. I wished I'd been able to paint my nails that morning. I looked up at him again, smiling. "Tell me if I'm doing it right." I said and I opened my mouth and pulled him to me and put his cock head into my mouth, closing my lips around it.
It was dry, but immediately I'd wet it all over with my saliva. swirling my tongue around it and getting it wet all over. I loved it. It was warm and felt so, so big in my mouth. It fit perfectly and I moved my head forward. I sucked gently, rubbing my tongue forward and back so it rasped on the tip and then I put my hands around him and bobbed my head forward and back a little letting it move in my mouth. I looked up to him, his cock still buried in my mouth and slid my lips forward on him. He looked strained, his mouth a little open. I pulled back holding it again my hand.
"Is it okay? Am I doing it right?" I asked. "Tell me what feels good Jamie."
"Oh man. Yes. It's so good. I feel guilty getting this from you."
I grinned up at him. "Guilty? Why? I love doing this." I stroked him with my hand. "It feels amazing in my mouth. I feel so girly. Please Jamie. Treat me like a girl. Put your hands on me and guide me."
I reached up and took his hand, put it on the back of my head and, still looking at him, took his cock back into my mouth. He just rested his hand on my hair and I pulled his other hand to my head too and pressed his hands with my own to show him I wanted him to hold me. I felt him press a little hard and I returned my own hands to his buttocks, caressing them as I bobbed my head on him, going a little deeper with each stroke. He pressed a little harder but still too gently. I put my hand back and pressed hard on his hand over the back of my head and I went as deep as I could letting my lips slide over his shaft until I felt his cock head fit into my gullet. I pulled back and gasped a bit.
"Are you okay?" He asked concerned.
"Fucking great. Oh I love it. Please. yes. Can I do more?"
"You're sure?"
"Oh shut up with am I sure. Of course. I'm sure. I want to be your slutty little girl. If you like it, just enjoy it. Pull my hair. Did your fingers in, Please."
I felt him grip a little, and to encourage him I gazed up, locked eyes with him and pushed my head down and forward more rapidly, even deeper, almost pulling my soft hair from his fingers and then he seemed to stop resisting and I felt  him take more control and his was pushing me onto his shaft with a little bit of force and matching my speed. It was heaven. His stiff cock shucked in and out of the 'Oh' of my lips as I fought to keep them tight on his shaft and I pressed my tongue as hard as I could on him and let my saliva dribble over his cock and drip down.
Then I felt him pull me off.
"Oh Georgie. I can't keep from cumming. I don't want to ..."
"Fucking cum in my mouth. Please. Please. I want to taste it. Feel it come"
I pushed myself onto him again and bobbed as hard as I could. Suddenly I felt his cock bulge a little more and the deep tube of his urethra stiffened and pulsed against my tongue and it was jetting into my mouth with a lot of force, filling my mouth around his cock. I swallowed hard and another jet, much bigger, shot into my throat and filled my mouth. I pulled his buttocks hard, trying to get it in as deep as possible as it spasmed and shot his spunk into me. I sucked and bobbed on his jerking cock until I felt him pull my head away. I knew how it felt, sensitive, but I put my hands on his shaft, keeping my fingers away from the tip and slid my fingers up his tube to get the last drops and sucked them from the end. I reached up to my bedside table and pulled a kleenex from the box. I wiped him off and pulled up his shorts wordlessly. He helped me to my feet, a little unsteady. I became aware of the stiffness in my calves and how uncomfortable my feet had been in my little patent pumps.
He pulled me to him and kissed me hard, his arms very tight around me.
I giggled when he released me. "Careful You'll taste yourself from my mouth."
He just kissed me again, as if he wanted to crush me to himself.
I felt a warm, comfortable, satisfied glow deep inside me. I was almost bursting with happiness.
"What? What do you want me to do? For you?" He asked.
"Oh please. Just this please Jamie." I said. "Or maybe. On the bed. Would you lie with me and hold me?"
"Don't you want me to do the same for you?"
Weirdly, that seemed like a horrible idea. I didn't want him to do anything like that. Taking off my panties would betray how I felt.
"No. Please. I just. I just want you to hold me. Like a girl."
He sat on the bed. For a moment I considered sitting on his lap, but that might have been silly. I sat beside him and then pulled him down to lie beside me. I snuggled towards him. "Put your arms around me, please." I said.
He pulled me to him and we lay facing each other sideways on the bed. I wanted to look at him, but he didn't meet my eyes. I didn't want to push it, but then he reached and tenderly stroked my hair and my cheek.
"Yes. That's nice. Thank you." I said and he kissed me gently.
Then his hand strayed down and caressed my thigh. My dress had ridden up and bit and his hand stroked over my panty waistband. I shuddered.
"Like this?" He asked.
I just nodded, pursing my lips together.
"You're so pretty Georgie." He said. I didn't know if he meant it, or he was just trying to play up to my fantasy.  "I wish now I'd listened to Alison."
"Alison knew I'd want this? Really?" I asked.
Jamie and Alison were sort of a thing. But not really. She was a live wire. She had a racy reputation and she'd supposedly been with a lot of boys. And some girls. Oddly not everyone she was supposed to have been with was as attractive or popular as Jamie. She seemed to pick her partners according to her own unfathomable tastes and she never stayed with anyone for long. In fact had she ever really been in a couple? She was more Jamie's friend than mine. Too cool for me, she hung out with some friends of mine, but we didn't really know each other.
"More than that. She said ...." Jamie trailed off a little.
"What did she say?"
"Don't. Don't repeat this, okay? She, well, maybe she seems like she doesn't care what anyone thinks, but, well, it's personal."
"Jamie. I can keep secrets." I said, rolling my eyes a little. His hand was caressing my ass through my satin panties now and it felt so good it was hard to concentrate. I wanted him to kiss me again but I wanted to hear this more.
"One time. After, well, you know... she asked me if I had any fantasies. I mean, I am such an idiot, and I think she meant, like, with her, but I said, I wanted to be with you. And she, well, she kind of looked a bit put out, but then, well, she said, I should, but you know, she'd asked me, and I just well, told the truth."
"Oh wow." I said.
"No. That's not it. Later, well, she said her own fantasy was to be with two guys at the same time."
"Fuck. She is like ... wow."
Jamie gave me a look. "Are you judging?" He said. "I mean, you're the one in a ...."
"I know. I know. Sorry. I'm just. Well, I don't get to hear this stuff, you know."
"Well, wait, it gets better. I said, like, well, do you want to? Like be with two guys? And like, could one of them be me?"
I just raised my eyebrows. His hand, just stroking  my ass was making  me feel so good. I was melting. I wanted to just cling on to him and kiss him and never be parted from him again
"And she was like. 'You don't actually mean that though. Think about it. Would you really want to, with another guy? Like who? Tom? Drew?' And I had to admit, like no, that would be horrible. I mean I really, really like Alison. I mean, a lot. And well, you know what she's like. I don't ever admit that. I mean, we've never been like, serious. Though I would have like to have been, but she doesn't, like do serious, with anyone. And like being with her and having sex with another guy there. It sounds cool but I think it would be kind of horrible really?"
I nodded. "I can get that. I mean, if you didn't like her so much ...."
"Yeah, and yes, but actually, if I don't, you know, like someone, I wouldn't want to have sex with them anyway."
I melted a little bit more. I wanted to stay leaning his chest, his hand stroking my hair, for ever.
"And then she said. Like she'd just thought of it -  'Georgie'. Like, she meant, she could imagine being with us both, together."
"What?" I cried. "You're making this up Jamie. Alison French? She'd never even look at me."
He laughed. "Oh, you're so dumb Georgie." He said. "You don't even know how pretty you are. Girls like her, they like anything like you."
"You're crazy. She's like, just totally gorgeous, but she completely ignores me. I can see why she goes with you but ...."
He stroked my face again. "Because she knows you're like this." He said.
"Like this? Gay?"
"Are you saying you aren't?"
I closed my eyes. This was complicated. Confusing. I stumbled over my thoughts.
"I'm ... Well, look, I just sucked your cock. And I said a lot of things. And. And I meant all of it. I do. But, I think, just 'Gay' kind of suggests something, well different to how I feel. I mean. I like feeling like a girl, and girls like boys, and I like you. More that just 'like' but ..."
"You like girls too. Sure. I think she gets that."
"Okay." I said. "Sure. Maybe it's better to just feel it, than think about it too much."
"You like me feeling your butt Georgie?"
"Oh Jesus, yes. It feels so good and it's making me feel so hot again. Would you like to kiss me some more?"
In response, he snaked his hand right around me and pulled me close to him. He put his other hand behind my head and I felt his mouth descend on mine again and I was lost, swirling in his mouth and feeling his hard body crush me against him. More than that, he smashed our lips together hard with his hand behind my head.

He was firmer with me now, like since he'd seen how I was, he was more prepared to take the lead without hesitating. I nodded and murmured and just let myself melt. I realised how much I was moaning when I felt his hand stroking my cock. 

"Oh fuck." I groaned. His hand was gentle, but my cock was so hard and strained it ached. 

"Sore?" He whispered in my ear.

"Yeah. You don't have to..."

"Shhhh." He whispered. His breath on my ear made my skin prickle and then I felt his other arm snake beneath me and he lay beside me, my head in the crook of his arm and his hand stroking my cheek, the other gently stroking my cock. The waistband of my panty dug into my balls and he flicked it off. My stockingled legs were splayed wide. 

"Jamie. Jamie." I gasped out. 

"Shhh, little Georgie." He murmured. "Be still. Be a good girl."

When he called me a girl, it felt like electricity surging through my brain, turning me to marshmallow. More than his hand stroking me, the word was so wonderful, I felt warm and safe and soft.

"Your girl." I murmured.

"Yes. Always my girl. Jamie's sweet little girl."

Warmth spread through me and I twisted in his arms. He held me tight and I hardly felt my cock spurt and twitch, the overwhelming sensation was of being swaddled in downy soft cotton all over, while inside my blood swirled through me like the flecks in a snowglobe.

He was kissing my cheek. I sank deep into him.

When my eyes could focus again I realised he was holding my sodden panties. Somehow he'd caught my cum in them. I hadn't even noticed he had them still in his hand.

All I wanted was more cuddles but he rolled off, looking for somewhere to put them.

"You okay?" He asked over his shoulder. 

This must be how girls feel, I thought. Guys recover quicker. All we want is affection after sex and they go looking for something.

"Use the basket." I said. "I'll wash them later."

He came back and sat on the bed, stroked my cheek again. I wanted to purr.

"So, you want to do it?" He asked.

"Do what?" I asked dumbly. Did he mean the washing?

"This." He said. "With me and Alison? Will I ask her?"

Chapter two.

Usually, I just wore shorts and tee shirt to bed. I'd imagined terrible scenarios where I overslept and my Mother would barge in in the morning and strip the clothes from the bed. Now, I somehow felt justified in wearing a little satin cami and boyshort panties. What would I say? 'Im gay now Mom. Get used to it. I sucked Jamie's cock and I loved it. So what if I wear panties?'

Of course, I would probably curl up and burst into flames from pure embarrassment, but right now, I felt strangely proud of myself. I'd made Jamie cum in my mouth. He liked me. Not just as a friend, but as a girl. I'd earned these panties. On my knees. Sucking a cock. I marvelled at how happy this thought made me. Even that morning, despite my cross dressing the thought would have shocked me, maybe even disgusted me. But now, all I felt was a strange pride in having made Jamie shot his load into my mouth. I wondered how many girls had done the same. Not many probably. Three? I was part of an elite group. Was I his favorite?, I wondered as I drifted happily to sleep.

At school the next day I felt shitty. Not because of what I'd done, but because I had to wear my stupid boy's clothes and pretend to be normal. I wasn't sure what I wanted. Wearing a dress or a skirt to school was beyond imagining. But I still felt grumpy and dissatisfied. Jamie and I rarely hung out at school. He moved in a cooler group than me. I longed to see him, but at the same time I avoided places where we might meet. I wasn't sure why. I wasn't exactly ashamed, but I didn't want to feel like I was dogging him.

At four, I collected my books from my locker and pulled on my coat. But when I closed my locker door, Alison French was standing beside me, grinning.

"You sucked Jamie's cock, you dirty little sissy." She whispered.

I cringed. He'd told her straight away. He'd said he was going to. But I hadn't been expecting this. It was so unfair. 

"Fuck you Alison." I said, surprised at my own vehemence. "You know that isn't cool. Would you say that to a girl? Would you think a boy was a pig if he said it?"

He face fell. It was such a pretty face. She had dark eyeliner and nose stud. Her earrings were little jet stars. She wore a grey satin blouse under a black denim jacket. Her hair was tousled but beautiful. She would look stunning in anything. Now, though, she looked ashamed.

"Sorry." She said. "Yeah. Not cool." But then she brightened as fast. "But you did." She whispered again. "You know he fucking loves you."

I rolled my eyes. "No he doesn't. he likes me. He likes you. He likes whatshername, Natalie."

"Natalia Hillman." She said with a sour turn of her lips. "No he doesn't. And he fucking does love you George. Come on. Walk home with me."

Walk home with Alison French? Was that all it took to be noticed? Suck a boy's cock? Actually, it did seem like a pretty steep price. Not many would pay it. But I had, so I might as well reap the benefits.

She hurried along, getting away from the school and the other students streaming from the gates.

"Do you really own your own dresses?" She asked, pulling me to her as we broke away.

"Yes." I sighed. "Jesus, what didn't he tell you?"

"Show me." She said.

"What the fuck?" I said, exasperated. "You've never actually spoken to me before today you know. And now you want to see me in a dress? What the fuck?"

"It's so cool." She insisted.

"Is it?" I demanded. "Will it be cool when everyone knows, and I get beaten every day for being a sissy? When Jamie does? But that won't happen, will it? Because bullies always punch down. I thought you were cooler than this Alison." I said. "I'm not a fucking novelty for you to play with. Go home on your own. Leave me alone."

I strode on, my cheeks burning. Her manner has made me feel like a freak show. She'd always seemed so much more sophisticated and grown up but I realised that had been an illusion. I swallowed hard on the lump in my throat. I gasped with the effort of not crying. I thought about my Fifa team. I'd make some changes. Strengthen the back four. Who would I put on the wings? I needed to get some pace into the midfield. 

When thoughts of George or Alison or what I'd done bubbled up I squashed them down with players assist stats and injury potential. By the time I'd got home the danger had passed but I felt sad and alone.

That evening, as I grimly struggled my way through German grammar, I heard voices downstairs.

"George! Jamie," Called my Mother, and I heard his tread on the stairs. 

I leaned back on my chair as he came in. He looked wary.

"Are you going to bite my head off too?" He asked.

I closed my eyes. "I didn't bite her head off." I sighed. "Well, maybe a bit. But she ... she made me feel like a freak."

He sat on my bed. "She doesn't think you're a freak. She thinks you're cool and fascinating and maybe she wasn't very, eh, respectful."

"What did she say?"

He rolled his eyes. "That she upset you and she feels like shit and she's sorry and she won't talk to anyone else." 

He looked at me meaningfully. "She won't. I know she means it. I wouldn't have told her if I thought she would."