I was an evil Stepsister.
-------
What the hell is this even about?
Her relationship with Jade makes no sense.
The bit with broher's girlfriend moves way too fast.
She needs to be older.
She is in no way evil, to Petey anyway.
Some interesting stuff
- Petey's Dad
-The other winery takeover
-Could Petey's stuff get out?
-Could she be sluttier? Attracted to some other boy?
-Could she be sluttier? Attracted to some other boy?
- What is her character flaw? And how can she overcome it/
--------
Petey arrives.
I was in my final year of high school when cousin Petey came to stay with us. He wasn't actually my cousin. He was my Uncle's step-son. And my uncle was actually my Father's half-brother so the connection was even more distant. SoCal families make the Borgia's look like Amish.
Uncle Steve was always a black sheep. He'd married twice, and the second marriage came with a bonus troubled kid - Petey. Then Petey's Mom had run off when he was only twelve and nobody knew where she was. When my Uncle was finally jailed for embezzlement, Petey had no other family and my parents agreed to give him a home, even though he wasn't really a blood relative.
We were well off. My Dad's California wine business was one of the largest in Orange county. He drove a Mercedes, owned two other cars and my Mother indulged in the kind of do-gooder philanthropy which only serious money can afford. We lived in a dazzling sixties-inspired ranch house in the valley which occasionally featured in architecture magazines. We were the first family of an old California dynasty. Lots of cousins, catered family barbecues with lots of petty one-upmanship and of course, behind-the-scenes vicious legal battles over inheritance. Uncle Steve was only one of many colourful characters in the wider family. In short, I grew up in a real life nineteen eighties soap opera. Given that, you might imagine me as a spoiled, bitchy, glamorous teen with a burgeoning drug habit. That was certainly the image I projected. I drove a silver BMW convertible to my private high school. I dressed like a valley girl. I had spoiled bitchy friends. I'd developed an arsenal of withering put-downs and superior looks which I deployed both at home and at school. Every boy feared and adored me. Every girl hated and envied me. But, that was the projection. I didn't have a drug or alcohol habit. I''d seen what that did to some members of my family. Not much sex either. I'd dated, but never seriously. Boys tended to bore me. I shopped, but modestly. I bought expensive items, but not gaudy. I had a walk-in closet that was half empty. I studied. Hard. I loved the feeling of personal satisfaction that good grades gave me. This was something that was purely down to me. No inherited wealth tarnished the As and A plusses that sparkled on my report cards. I would go to Berkely purely on merit. Daddy wouldn't need to buy a new wing for the library like he'd done for my older brother.
Back to Petey. He wasn't really troubled, more beaten down. He'd had a chaotic childhood. The best thing his alcoholic Mother had ever done for him was run off. His Dad, personable and charming was a con-man, a fantasist, and a terrible Father. Given his background it was surprising Petey wasn't even more off the rails than he was.
With his Dad on the way to jail, Petey arrived in a taxi with two battered suitcases containing everything he owned. My Dad paid the driver and put his arm around him as he lead him inside. I watched from my window. His eyes were wide as he took in the understated splendour of the house, the valley and the rather more overt splendour of the five cars in the driveway.
My Mom had spoken to me about Petey already. It was clear she saw him as another charity project. She hoped having him live with us wouldn't be too disrupting for me and pleaded that I be nice to him, as if that were a huge burden. It clearly was for her, but she would do it out of the goodness of her goody-good heart.
I hadn't given him a lot of thought up to then. But as he came in, eyes on stalks, gripping his bags with white knuckles I just there and then decided, that I would be as welcoming and kind as I could be. Did I pity him? Maybe a little. I knew very well my Mother's interest would fade fast. She hadn't mentioned her dolphin sanctuary in over a year and that had once been an all-consuming passion. Was I worried for him? Definitely. Our high school was a shark-infested pool of bullying jocks and over-indulged princesses. He would be eaten alive. Did I fancy him? Maybe a bit. He was little bit emo. Vulnerable and sad. But at the time I just wanted to be good to him because I knew it would make me feel good too.
I gave him a smile and a handshake. He stared at me, my expensive clothes, flawless makeup, perfect hair and teeth. He said hello and I turned the handshake into a tight hug. "Don't worry Petey." I whispered. "This place is all fake. But I am real. I'll be here for you."
Then I stood back and smiled at his confusion, as if I'd said nothing at all. I stood back again, and allowed my Mom to go all effusive and Momsy on him.
It took just a couple of days for her to forget he existed. She and Dad were going into the city and asked me if I'd be okay on my own for the day.
"I'm not on my own." I said. "Petey is right there", nodding at where he sat in the lounge.
"Oh yes. Of course." She said, and swept out without even speaking to him.
I went over and sat beside him. Since he'd arrived we'd barely spoken.
"School starts back the day after tomorrow." I said without preamble. "As you might guess, it is not a nice place. Everyone is filthy rich. Everyone looks like a fashion model. You are going to stick out like a bully magnet."
He flinched. I scared him quite a bit. "Sorry Jessica." He said.
I shook my head. "You don't need to be sorry." I said. "We're going to ensure you don't get bullied. You will stick with me and I will protect you. I am Fairmont's queen bitch and when they see you under my wing, you'll be protected. Don't worry about it. We'll sit together at lunch. I'll come to your gym practice and watch from the bleachers. If some asshole does or says anything I'll sort them out."
He nodded but seemed unsure.
"This isn't a trick Petey. You are my cousin. Kinda. What happens to you reflects on me too. I won't let anyone be mean to you. Now, more importantly, your grades. What are you failing in?"
Petey wasn't at all sure how to react to me. He was a bag of nerves and insecurity. He'd never met anyone like me or been spoken to so directly. I warmed to him more.
He was failing almost everything except art, music and English, at which he excelled. He wasn't dumb, but he'd never really done any studying and his Dad hadn't taken any interest. We would fix all that in the coming months.
Once I'd got an idea of just how big an academic hole he was in, we moved on to his appearance. I got him to show me what he had to wear. My Mom had taken him shopping after he'd arrived but nothing she'd got for him was suitable. I took most of it and binned it.
"Okay, we're going shopping." I said. In the car, I tried to get an idea of what he liked. I didn't want to just dress him like a doll. He had to feel right to himself or he'd lack confidence. We talked about music and movies and TV and I tried to get a feel of what he thought looked cool and what he thought he could bring off.
By the time we got to the outlet mall I knew which shops to go to. We went for an indie kid look. He could fit in with that. I selected items and so did he. Then we sifted and I vetoed some and he rejected some of mine. I paid and then we went to the next shop. By early afternoon we had amassed a wardrobe that would do, for now. He looked so happy. He was starting to trust me. I left him ordering at Nandos and bought a teen fashion magazine. As we ate I pointed at one teen heat-throb hairstyle after another until we had a match.
"Come on." I said. "Wolf that down." We have more to do."
I leafed through more magazines as I waited in the hairdressers. He emerged looking better but still very 'Petey'.
--- boring --- school -- study --
He was failing almost everything except art, music and English, at which he excelled. He wasn't dumb, but he'd never really done any studying and his Dad hadn't taken any interest. We would fix all that in the coming months.
Once I'd got an idea of just how big an academic hole he was in, we moved on to his appearance. I got him to show me what he had to wear. My Mom had taken him shopping after he'd arrived but nothing she'd got for him was suitable. I took most of it and binned it.
"Okay, we're going shopping." I said. In the car, I tried to get an idea of what he liked. I didn't want to just dress him like a doll. He had to feel right to himself or he'd lack confidence. We talked about music and movies and TV and I tried to get a feel of what he thought looked cool and what he thought he could bring off.
By the time we got to the outlet mall I knew which shops to go to. We went for an indie kid look. He could fit in with that. I selected items and so did he. Then we sifted and I vetoed some and he rejected some of mine. I paid and then we went to the next shop. By early afternoon we had amassed a wardrobe that would do, for now. He looked so happy. He was starting to trust me. I left him ordering at Nandos and bought a teen fashion magazine. As we ate I pointed at one teen heat-throb hairstyle after another until we had a match.
"Come on." I said. "Wolf that down." We have more to do."
I leafed through more magazines as I waited in the hairdressers. He emerged looking better but still very 'Petey'.
--- boring --- school -- study --
---- need to establish more of the start of their relationship and school ---
Jess begins to instill some self-discipline in Petey
Back home Petey flung his schoolbag in the porch and headed for the TV."What do you think you are. doing?" I asked, letting a little anger colour my voice.
"Eh, some TV, Jess?" He said, hesitantly, remote in hand.
"No." I said. "First off, put your bag away properly. I don't like to see books treated badly. Second, no TV. Study. We have a couple of hours before dinner. We will study together, here. Thirdly. I am Jessica. Not Jess."
He met my eyes, which he had barely done since we had met. Was there a moment when he might have rebelled? Maybe. But he didn't really give in either. I could see it in his eyes. Not so much submitting, more that he saw the path I was laying out for him and. he decided he wanted to go that way.
Sitting together, I helped him with his work. On that first day he hadn't been given much study to do but he. had so much catching up. I tested him on some trigonometry and he was woefully lacking. He lacked basics and understanding.
I settled in to show him how it worked. He didn't exactly resist but he wasn't trying either.
"Look Petey." I said. "This requires effort. Brain-sweat. Nobody else in the whole wide world gives a shit whether you get into a good college or not but you have this. one chance, now. If you can improve your grades my Dad will pay for whatever college you can get into. You are now in one of the best schools in the state. You have one chance. I will help you, but only you can take this chance. You can decide to knuckle down or you can pick up that remote and watch music videos if you want. I won't say I don't care. I do. But I won't drag you. You have to come with me of your own free will."
There was something in the way he looked at me. I didn't recognise it then, but that was when I first saw it. I would go on to see it many, many more times. He went back to work and tried. It was hard for him. He'd never really applied himself before but I could see him trying. I helped. I wanted him to see some progress. We struggled over it. Angles and ratios and circles. I drew, and he scratched his head and he guessed and I explained. We were still working on it when Candice, the cook said there was dinner ready.
"Want to eat?" I asked. My heart soared when he said. "No. Not till I get this." and he went back at it.
It took another hour but he got there. "The sine is just another way of describing the ratio of one length to another ... in a right angled triangle."
"Yes. It just describes the shape of it. The number tells us the shape."
"But not the size, but if you have the length of even just one side, you could draw all of it."
"Yes Petey, and the tan and cosine are just the same thing for the other two angles."
"Fuck. That's everything. All of this is just about that." He said.
"Not quite. There's a lot more, and the relationship between triangles and circles, but yes, that is a lot of it."
"Oh my God." He said.
He was stunned. All through dinner I could see him processing this. Not the trigonomety but the realisation that he could understand this stuff. It wasn't impossible or even all that hard.
After dinner he wanted to go back to it. He studied more on. his own, asking questions and trying to work it all out.
When we finished, I said to him. "I know you made a lot of progress Petey. But you're going to get disheartened soon when you realise the depth of the hole you are in. But remember, it all gets easier. Your progress will get faster and faster. You can catch up. There is time. But not if you let yourself get knocked back or you take a break."
"Can I Jessica?" He said. "Do you think so?"
"I know so Petey. I wouldn't waste my time on you if I didn't."
And there was that look again.
Jess finds Petey is simping her
Over the following weeks we studied together every night. Petey liked maths now but he also had to catch up in French and Science and History and a bunch of other subjects. Each one was a struggle.
I gave him time off after dinner each evening. To my surprise he didn't watch TV. He just went to his room. I wasn't sure to do what. After an hour he'd come back down and we studied again.
"What do you do up there?" I asked one evening. He looked furtive and I didn't press it. I knew what teenage boys did in their rooms.
If he was jerking off I didn't care. I wondered if I featured in his imagination. Once, Rachel Goldwater had shown me a photo of a wall in one of the boys' bathrooms in school. On the wall was written in black sharpie. "I jerk off over Jessica Valet every night." Below that was written. "Who doesn't?" and below that. "I'm jerking off over her right now."
I wasn't sure if Rachel was showing me this to be bitchy but I didn't care. I kind of liked it. I'd asked her to send the picture to me and I'd kept it. I wondered if it was still there.
On Thursdays, Petey had orchestra practice. He was a good musician and orchestra was pretty tame. I'd gone to listen to practice a few times to keep an eye on him, but he seemed okay and it was painful to listen to. So I would go home and let him get a lift with his friend who played drums further up the valley. [Shouldnt Petey get a car some day?]
Back home, I would try to catch up on my SAT practice and college applications. One day, alone in the house, I went into his room on impulse . I was pleased to see he was keeping it neat. I looked in the usual hiding places where my brother would keep his porno magazines. Nothing. Maybe he just used his imagination. I saw his sketch pads on his desk and flicked through them. Superheroes. Super heroines. Animals. Birds. Me.
"What do you do up there?" I asked one evening. He looked furtive and I didn't press it. I knew what teenage boys did in their rooms.
If he was jerking off I didn't care. I wondered if I featured in his imagination. Once, Rachel Goldwater had shown me a photo of a wall in one of the boys' bathrooms in school. On the wall was written in black sharpie. "I jerk off over Jessica Valet every night." Below that was written. "Who doesn't?" and below that. "I'm jerking off over her right now."
I wasn't sure if Rachel was showing me this to be bitchy but I didn't care. I kind of liked it. I'd asked her to send the picture to me and I'd kept it. I wondered if it was still there.
On Thursdays, Petey had orchestra practice. He was a good musician and orchestra was pretty tame. I'd gone to listen to practice a few times to keep an eye on him, but he seemed okay and it was painful to listen to. So I would go home and let him get a lift with his friend who played drums further up the valley. [Shouldnt Petey get a car some day?]
Back home, I would try to catch up on my SAT practice and college applications. One day, alone in the house, I went into his room on impulse . I was pleased to see he was keeping it neat. I looked in the usual hiding places where my brother would keep his porno magazines. Nothing. Maybe he just used his imagination. I saw his sketch pads on his desk and flicked through them. Superheroes. Super heroines. Animals. Birds. Me.
The most recent drawings were all of me. I was beautiful. I closed it again, feeling guilty. Then looked again. He was drawing me from memory. Different poses but mostly it was seated, close up at the table. as he saw me when we studied together. 'Doesn't mean he's not jerking off over me too.' I muttered. Did I want him to?
We neared the end of the first term. There was to be a family thanksgiving 'do'. I kept well out of it. Mom, though began to take more of an interest in Petey again. She was going to show him off like a philanthropy trophy. Petey noticed too.
"Your Mom is all over me." He complained. "I don't want to be like an exhibit at the Thanksgiving dinner."
"You just have to suck it up Petey, I'm afraid." I said. "You have to sing for your supper. Just think of it as the price you need to pay for all this."
He rolled his eyes. "But your Mom is ..."
"Don't" I cut him off. "She is my Mom. She's exasperating and hypocritical but she's my Mom. You don't get to diss her. Only I do. I don't talk about your Dad. You don't talk about my Mom. Now, go ask her if you can help with anything. Be good."
The resentful look was there. Three months in had turned gratitude into privilege. But he closed his eyes and when he opened them again he pursed his lips and nodded. "Okay. Yes. I am grateful." He said and he nodded again and went to help her.
That evening, after the meal she did make him sing for his supper. We were all in the hug lounge with the open fire. Wine and Brandy sloshed in glasses. Maybe fifty members of the extended Valet family invited to bask in our largesse. Mom had wrangled the conversation around to Petey. "What is it like, being here Petey?" Asked Aunt April. "It must be a big change from Wilmington."
"It is." He replied. "Aunt Michelle has been so good to me. It's been great. I really feel part fo the. family. She made sure I settled in in school and even my grades are improving all the time. I'm really grateful. It's so much more than I could have hoped for."
Everyone murmured in appreciation. My Mom's eyes flicked to mine. She wasn't stupid. But she'd got what she wanted.
I had just walked in on this scene with my cafeteria tray. There was a terrific silence as the entire cafeteria stared at Jade, Karl, me, and Petey, frozen for a moment with the words hanging in the air.
I went for humour and honesty. Always a good combination for defusing a situation.
"Karl. There's no need to be so dramatic. Jade is neither a slut nor a whore. She loves you. Only she could. And Petey is not white trash. He's from Wilmington. That's like Glendale for New York. And he's not my boy toy. He's family."
In all of that, I knew what would get him was telling him Jade loved him. He was an insecure little brat with no backbone at all.
I saw Jade put her hand on his fist. "Sorry Jessica." He muttered, and I strode on to sit beside Petey. The normal hubbub resumed when everyone realised the entertainment was over.
"You are just incredible." whispered Petey. "Hush." I said. "Act like nothing happened."
That evening I stayed late for a college evening at school. I took prospecti and leaflets but my mind was on Jade and Karl. In a way, I envied them. I'd avoided teenage high-school love dramas. Now, with just two semesters to go, I wondered if I'd missed out. I was graduating with high grades and an excellent resume but I'd never felt much emotion either.
And did people think I was sleeping with Petey? Was it just the first thing that came into Karl's head or was it what everyone believed.
Jade was there too. I went over. "Thinking about Vasser?" I asked. She shrugged. "As if."
She. regarded me with those supermodel eyes. "Thanks for what you said today." She said. "He's all over me now. What made you say it?"
"Just to defuse the situation. And it's true."
She smiled.
"Can I ask you something Jade? Just the truth?"
She nodded, wary,
"Do people think I'm sleeping with Petey?"
She shrugged. "No. I don't think so. But he is, like, your pet. You made that pretty clear when he came here. He's like your project, isn't he? I mean, you asked for the truth. But. I don't imagine people think you're actually sleeping with him. Or anyone. You're kind of an ice queen."
"Right. Thanks." I said.
"You want to know what I think?"
"Sure." I said, though I wasn't at all sure I did want to know.
"You're more into girls, but you don't want to go with girls till you're in college. Right?"
"No Jade. That's not right. Thanks anyway."
What was I doing asking this idiot? I thought as I drove home. It was late and everyone was in bed when I got back. Feeling distracted, I got ready for bed. I brushed my teeth and got into my pyjamas, but as I reached for the light, something made me get up again. There was a thought. A little thought. I'd had it for a while. Now it wouldn't shut up. I went to my chest of drawers and opened my panty drawer. I. took them all out and flipped through the soft pile of satin and cotton. Then I went to my laundry basket and dumped out everything. Maria washed every second day so there were only two in there.
I padded downstairs and looked in the washing machine, then the dryer. Only towels. I looked in the other laundry baskets. Nothing, I went back up again and thought and wondered. I picked up my phone and went down the corridor. There was light in Petey's room. I could see a line under his door. I gingerly opened the door and looked in. He was in bed, reading.
I looked at him and came in. I locked the door behind me. He looked surprised. I'd never come into his room while he was there before. He'd never seen me in my pyjamas before. They were a satin cami-set with shorts. Not racy but not demure either.
"Eh, come in?" He said. Slightly sarcastic but I let it slide. I sat on the bed beside him.
"Where are they?" I asked.
"Eh, what?" He said. "Where are what?"
I put my head in my hands, suddenly tired and emotional. "Please Petey." I said. "I've never been anything but honest with you. I've treated you like a brother. I've done everything I can."
I tried to stifle a sob. "So I'm going to ask again. If you feel anything at all for me. If you have any respect for me. Just tell me. Where are they?"
"I'm so sorry Jessica." He said. "Please don't cry. They're in my sports bag."
I let out a huge sigh of air. I looked at him. I took out my phone. "Have you seen the wall of the second stall in the boys bathroom on the Gym corridor?" I asked.
He gaped, wondering, and then I saw realisation dawn. "Maybe?" He said. "Have you?"
I showed him the picture on my phone. "A girl showed this to me over a year ago." I said. "I didn't freak out then. I kept it. It's, well, it seems almost innocent. Don't tell me if there's something more filthy on there now. If there is, I don't want to know."
"It's been added to." He said. "A lot. But not worse than the start."
I got up and looked on his desk for his sketch book. I flicked through it. He watched me, nervously, scared to question me.
We neared the end of the first term. There was to be a family thanksgiving 'do'. I kept well out of it. Mom, though began to take more of an interest in Petey again. She was going to show him off like a philanthropy trophy. Petey noticed too.
"Your Mom is all over me." He complained. "I don't want to be like an exhibit at the Thanksgiving dinner."
"You just have to suck it up Petey, I'm afraid." I said. "You have to sing for your supper. Just think of it as the price you need to pay for all this."
He rolled his eyes. "But your Mom is ..."
"Don't" I cut him off. "She is my Mom. She's exasperating and hypocritical but she's my Mom. You don't get to diss her. Only I do. I don't talk about your Dad. You don't talk about my Mom. Now, go ask her if you can help with anything. Be good."
The resentful look was there. Three months in had turned gratitude into privilege. But he closed his eyes and when he opened them again he pursed his lips and nodded. "Okay. Yes. I am grateful." He said and he nodded again and went to help her.
That evening, after the meal she did make him sing for his supper. We were all in the hug lounge with the open fire. Wine and Brandy sloshed in glasses. Maybe fifty members of the extended Valet family invited to bask in our largesse. Mom had wrangled the conversation around to Petey. "What is it like, being here Petey?" Asked Aunt April. "It must be a big change from Wilmington."
"It is." He replied. "Aunt Michelle has been so good to me. It's been great. I really feel part fo the. family. She made sure I settled in in school and even my grades are improving all the time. I'm really grateful. It's so much more than I could have hoped for."
Everyone murmured in appreciation. My Mom's eyes flicked to mine. She wasn't stupid. But she'd got what she wanted.
The school incident with Jade and Jess visits Petey
On the last day of school, there was an incident. Jade Worthy, kohl-eyed beauty, goth wannabe and on-off girlfriend of super-handsome wild-boy Karl Russel said something about Petey in the cafeteria. Reports varied on the exact words but it was something along the lines of how fine he looked. Karl, sitting with her, and ever a short fuse, took this badly, which might have been her intention. Drama followed. Karl shouted. The words 'Whore' and 'Slut' were used, then he indicated Petey, and made some more remarks, the only one of which I heard clearly was that he was "... just white trash that Jessica Valet had dressed up to be her boy toy."I had just walked in on this scene with my cafeteria tray. There was a terrific silence as the entire cafeteria stared at Jade, Karl, me, and Petey, frozen for a moment with the words hanging in the air.
I went for humour and honesty. Always a good combination for defusing a situation.
"Karl. There's no need to be so dramatic. Jade is neither a slut nor a whore. She loves you. Only she could. And Petey is not white trash. He's from Wilmington. That's like Glendale for New York. And he's not my boy toy. He's family."
In all of that, I knew what would get him was telling him Jade loved him. He was an insecure little brat with no backbone at all.
I saw Jade put her hand on his fist. "Sorry Jessica." He muttered, and I strode on to sit beside Petey. The normal hubbub resumed when everyone realised the entertainment was over.
"You are just incredible." whispered Petey. "Hush." I said. "Act like nothing happened."
That evening I stayed late for a college evening at school. I took prospecti and leaflets but my mind was on Jade and Karl. In a way, I envied them. I'd avoided teenage high-school love dramas. Now, with just two semesters to go, I wondered if I'd missed out. I was graduating with high grades and an excellent resume but I'd never felt much emotion either.
And did people think I was sleeping with Petey? Was it just the first thing that came into Karl's head or was it what everyone believed.
Jade was there too. I went over. "Thinking about Vasser?" I asked. She shrugged. "As if."
She. regarded me with those supermodel eyes. "Thanks for what you said today." She said. "He's all over me now. What made you say it?"
"Just to defuse the situation. And it's true."
She smiled.
"Can I ask you something Jade? Just the truth?"
She nodded, wary,
"Do people think I'm sleeping with Petey?"
She shrugged. "No. I don't think so. But he is, like, your pet. You made that pretty clear when he came here. He's like your project, isn't he? I mean, you asked for the truth. But. I don't imagine people think you're actually sleeping with him. Or anyone. You're kind of an ice queen."
"Right. Thanks." I said.
"You want to know what I think?"
"Sure." I said, though I wasn't at all sure I did want to know.
"You're more into girls, but you don't want to go with girls till you're in college. Right?"
"No Jade. That's not right. Thanks anyway."
What was I doing asking this idiot? I thought as I drove home. It was late and everyone was in bed when I got back. Feeling distracted, I got ready for bed. I brushed my teeth and got into my pyjamas, but as I reached for the light, something made me get up again. There was a thought. A little thought. I'd had it for a while. Now it wouldn't shut up. I went to my chest of drawers and opened my panty drawer. I. took them all out and flipped through the soft pile of satin and cotton. Then I went to my laundry basket and dumped out everything. Maria washed every second day so there were only two in there.
I padded downstairs and looked in the washing machine, then the dryer. Only towels. I looked in the other laundry baskets. Nothing, I went back up again and thought and wondered. I picked up my phone and went down the corridor. There was light in Petey's room. I could see a line under his door. I gingerly opened the door and looked in. He was in bed, reading.
I looked at him and came in. I locked the door behind me. He looked surprised. I'd never come into his room while he was there before. He'd never seen me in my pyjamas before. They were a satin cami-set with shorts. Not racy but not demure either.
"Eh, come in?" He said. Slightly sarcastic but I let it slide. I sat on the bed beside him.
"Where are they?" I asked.
"Eh, what?" He said. "Where are what?"
I put my head in my hands, suddenly tired and emotional. "Please Petey." I said. "I've never been anything but honest with you. I've treated you like a brother. I've done everything I can."
I tried to stifle a sob. "So I'm going to ask again. If you feel anything at all for me. If you have any respect for me. Just tell me. Where are they?"
"I'm so sorry Jessica." He said. "Please don't cry. They're in my sports bag."
I let out a huge sigh of air. I looked at him. I took out my phone. "Have you seen the wall of the second stall in the boys bathroom on the Gym corridor?" I asked.
He gaped, wondering, and then I saw realisation dawn. "Maybe?" He said. "Have you?"
I showed him the picture on my phone. "A girl showed this to me over a year ago." I said. "I didn't freak out then. I kept it. It's, well, it seems almost innocent. Don't tell me if there's something more filthy on there now. If there is, I don't want to know."
"It's been added to." He said. "A lot. But not worse than the start."
I got up and looked on his desk for his sketch book. I flicked through it. He watched me, nervously, scared to question me.
"Is there more of me?" I asked.
I sensed him tensing. Guess why. But he answered. "On the shelf." He said. "The green book."
As I'd suspected, there were nudes. I was more busty in his imagination than in real life, and my legs trailed off near the ankles. "Feet are hard." I said.
"I don't want to draw you wrong." He said. "If feet go wrong, they look ugly."
"And my boobs are too big,"
"I don't think so." He said. "I try to get it right."
"My panties. Are they? Eh... Are they soiled?" I asked.
He shook his head. "No. No."
"Do you wear them? Or just, eh, wrap them around? Or what?"
He looked anguished. "Wear them." He said as if the words were bitter as acid.
I went to the bag and unzipped it, rummaged around.
I came back to the bed with the blue satin pair of panties I'd missed.
"Move over." I said.
He shucked over a bit and I got in beside him. He shrank away but I moved nearer, skin to skin. Satin to cotton. "Do you want to be my boy toy?" I asked. "Not my boyfriend. That's not on offer. But if you like, you could jerk off to me."
He looked confused. "Jessica, I, I mean ..."
"Petey, it's simple. I know you like me. A lot. It's not a surprise. And I like you. But I don't want, you know, to have sex with you. Maybe that's mean, but I need to be honest."
"But, okay. But why? I mean, why would you do that? Let me?"
I put my hand on his cheek. "I dunno. I mean, okay, I think I do. It's maybe a bit selfish. I like the idea of it. It makes me feel good. When you arrived, I thought. I'll be nice to him. But part of it was it made me feel good, maybe a bit smug that I was doing something selfless. I liked how grateful you were. I like how you look at me when we're together. I know you like looking at me and sometimes that's nice. It's like what's on the wall of the bathroom. Are they jerking off over me? It's a little icky that my name is on the toilet wall but it makes me feel, I dunno, strong? It's like with grades. It makes me feel good, appreciated when I get a good grade. I know that's a bit weird but it's how I feel."
"You want me to worship you?"
When he said that, something tightened in my belly. "Yes." I said, bit choked. "Yeah. That's right. I mean, if you want to. But maybe ..."
"No. No. I ... I want to ... I mean, I do Jessica."
"Okay." I said. I felt wound up and emotional. The twist in my belly was now a hard ball of tension. I smiled but it must have looked strange. It felt strange. "Let's not make it any weirder than it is. Why don't you start, you know. with your cock."
He bit his lip. I grinned. "You like it when I say 'Cock'?" I said.
"Jesus Jessica." He groaned. "Do you even know how beautiful you are? Every boy in the school wants you so bad."
"I don't want every boy in the school." I said. "I don't want any of them, except you. Like this. I want to see you look at me and I want to hear how I make you feel. Okay? Now let me see it."
I pulled back the covers and watched as he nervously pried his stiff cock from his boxers. It looked hard and thick. I grinned again. "For me?" I asked. "I make you hard."
"Oh my god Jessica. All the time."
"Do you jerk off up here when you draw me?"
He nodded, pained.
"Don't be ashamed. I like how you see me. Go on then. Do you want my panties to wrap around it? In your fist?"
He shook his head. "I'm embarrassed." He said.
"Well, if you're too embarrassed I can go back to my own bed ..."
"No. No. Please. Don't. Okay. Look." He said and I grinned more as his hand moved over his penis.
I longed to reach over and touch it but I didn't want it to be like that. I wanted him to do it for me. I wanted him to look at me, but he wasn't. He looked anywhere else, just glancing and looking away.
"Stop." I said. "Why don't you look at me?"
He groaned a little. "It's still... Oh God. You're intimidating. I'm sorry."
"Okay. I'm intimidating. I suppose I am. But look at me anyway. Look at me."
He glanced up and away again. Then back, but he cast his eyes down.
"I'm not going to give you permission to do it unless you look at me. Into my face. My eyes."
He did, managing to hold my gaze, but blinking.
"Okay. That's better. Now you can do it more." I said. "See? You can do it."
"You can always make me achieve things." He said, joking, and I took that as a good sign.
I grinned. "Good. I like that." I said. "Keep looking. But I don't make you. I just show you what you can do yourself."
"Okay. Yes. But I love it." He moaned.
"Yeah. That very first day. I told you to pick up your bag, remember?"
"Oh yes. I was so ... ashamed, somehow. I thought, it was humiliating to be ordered by you. But you were right. I ... I wanted so bad for it to be different here. And I saw the bag, and it was like I was already making a mess of your lovely home. And you, you were so ... together, so disciplined, and I wanted it to be like that. I wanted to try to be like that."
"And you were."
"Eventually. I try so hard. You ... did so much for me. I never got math. And you helped me so much. You made me see I could do it if I tried. I love it now. Whenever I see a triangle it makes me happy inside. I think of you."
"Really? What do you think of?"
"How you smell. Your perfume. Your warmth. That lilac angora sweater you wear. That's what I wanted to draw first. You in that sweater, with your hand in your hair, studying. I see it so clearly in my mind, but it comes out on paper so wrong."
"You'll get it baby. Your drawing is good. You practice all the time."
He groaned.
"Are you close?" I asked.
"No. Maybe if I went faster. If you want me to finish."
"No. No, are you? is it edging? Is that it?"
"I think so. God that sounds so kinky but I love this so much. It feels so wrong to stare at your face so much."
"Oh baby. Let me give you something else to stare at."
He groaned again as I moved to pull down the cami.
I laughed. "Is it when I call you baby? You like that?"
"I'm sorry." He said.
"Stop saying sorry." I told him. "I want to do this. I want it to be good for you. I like you talking. That's the best part for me. Now look, look here."
I'd exposed one boob over the soft cami top. I cupped it for him. "You like?"
"Oh Jesus Jessica. You're so perfect. So pretty. How come you don't have a boyfriend? Is it true you prefer girls?"
"Hey." I said. "Don't repeat gossip. No. Or well, I dunno. Maybe I might, but I like boys well enough. I've never been with a girl. I have had boyfriends. Kinda. I'm not a virgin. Are you?"
"No. No. There was a girl, in Wilmington. Carrie. We did it, a few times but honestly, I was terrible. I came way too fast and she was, I dunno. It was like she was just doing it to keep me as a boyfriend. I regretted it."
"Okay Petey. It's okay." I said. "You're really kinda cute. Jade Worthy thought so."
"It was her who said, she asked if you were gay. I was, I think, kind of intimidated by her too. She's so cool but she was just fishing for gossip. I knew that, but I was so impressed that she talked to me."
"What did you tell her about me?"
"Nothing. I just said you weren't really my cousin. I was more like a step cousin."
"Did you want her to think I was sleeping with you?"
He looked back to my face. "Jessica? No. I mean, I don't think she would have believed me anyway but I told her, we were just friends. I said you were looking out for me. I said, I didn't know if you were gay, only that you were, genuine."
"Genuine? That's an odd word."
"It's I dunno. Maybe a Wilmington thing. Like bona-fide. It means, like, real."
"I know what it means." I said. "Here. Here's both boobs. Get a good look, baby. You drink them in. Maybe you can draw them better."
"Is that okay?" He asked. "I'm sorry I did that. It seems disrespectful."
"It's okay now." I said. "You have my permission. And you can wear any of my panties you like. Just ask my permission next time okay?"
"Okay." He mumbled. He seemed fuzzy, lethargic almost, his eyes glancing from my cupped breasts to my face, then roaming over my body.
"Tell me again about Claire." I said, distracting him, wanting it to last, for him.
"Claire. She's into the same music as me. We talked about bands and art and stuff. And we made out. Dates, hanging out. She's really nice. But the sex was ... It wasn't her. It was me. I was just so nervous about it."
"Don't worry about it. Everyone's nervous. I was with a boy once. A real jock. I won't say his name, it wouldn't be fair. He came just as he putting on the condom. It was messy. I didn't laugh. He was so crushed. He thought I'd tell everyone but I didn't."
"Was it always bad?" He asked.
"No. Not always. I was with another guy. Not from school. I met him at a party at Lance Travers house. He was a college freshman. Not a jock, but he had a cool haircut. I liked him. We went upstairs and I let him take off my dress. He used his hand first which got me ready and then we did it on Lance's parent's bed. He was good. I came twice. Once on my back and then he put me on my knees beside the bed and he did me doggy-style. He was a bit cocky. There was a mirror on the other side so we could see ourselves in it. He pulled my hair with one hand while he fucked me and it made me come again like that."
Petey was cumming himself before I realised. He'd known it was going to happen of course, and he'd grabbed the panties and he spasmed and jerked as I saw jets of his jizz soak the satin. It wasn't very absorbent of course and rivulets dripped off it onto his teeshirt and boxers.
"Fuck!" I gasped. "Oh Petey. Fuck! Good boy! Good boy."
I sensed him tensing. Guess why. But he answered. "On the shelf." He said. "The green book."
As I'd suspected, there were nudes. I was more busty in his imagination than in real life, and my legs trailed off near the ankles. "Feet are hard." I said.
"I don't want to draw you wrong." He said. "If feet go wrong, they look ugly."
"And my boobs are too big,"
"I don't think so." He said. "I try to get it right."
"My panties. Are they? Eh... Are they soiled?" I asked.
He shook his head. "No. No."
"Do you wear them? Or just, eh, wrap them around? Or what?"
He looked anguished. "Wear them." He said as if the words were bitter as acid.
I went to the bag and unzipped it, rummaged around.
I came back to the bed with the blue satin pair of panties I'd missed.
"Move over." I said.
He shucked over a bit and I got in beside him. He shrank away but I moved nearer, skin to skin. Satin to cotton. "Do you want to be my boy toy?" I asked. "Not my boyfriend. That's not on offer. But if you like, you could jerk off to me."
He looked confused. "Jessica, I, I mean ..."
"Petey, it's simple. I know you like me. A lot. It's not a surprise. And I like you. But I don't want, you know, to have sex with you. Maybe that's mean, but I need to be honest."
"But, okay. But why? I mean, why would you do that? Let me?"
I put my hand on his cheek. "I dunno. I mean, okay, I think I do. It's maybe a bit selfish. I like the idea of it. It makes me feel good. When you arrived, I thought. I'll be nice to him. But part of it was it made me feel good, maybe a bit smug that I was doing something selfless. I liked how grateful you were. I like how you look at me when we're together. I know you like looking at me and sometimes that's nice. It's like what's on the wall of the bathroom. Are they jerking off over me? It's a little icky that my name is on the toilet wall but it makes me feel, I dunno, strong? It's like with grades. It makes me feel good, appreciated when I get a good grade. I know that's a bit weird but it's how I feel."
"You want me to worship you?"
When he said that, something tightened in my belly. "Yes." I said, bit choked. "Yeah. That's right. I mean, if you want to. But maybe ..."
"No. No. I ... I want to ... I mean, I do Jessica."
"Okay." I said. I felt wound up and emotional. The twist in my belly was now a hard ball of tension. I smiled but it must have looked strange. It felt strange. "Let's not make it any weirder than it is. Why don't you start, you know. with your cock."
He bit his lip. I grinned. "You like it when I say 'Cock'?" I said.
"Jesus Jessica." He groaned. "Do you even know how beautiful you are? Every boy in the school wants you so bad."
"I don't want every boy in the school." I said. "I don't want any of them, except you. Like this. I want to see you look at me and I want to hear how I make you feel. Okay? Now let me see it."
I pulled back the covers and watched as he nervously pried his stiff cock from his boxers. It looked hard and thick. I grinned again. "For me?" I asked. "I make you hard."
"Oh my god Jessica. All the time."
"Do you jerk off up here when you draw me?"
He nodded, pained.
"Don't be ashamed. I like how you see me. Go on then. Do you want my panties to wrap around it? In your fist?"
He shook his head. "I'm embarrassed." He said.
"Well, if you're too embarrassed I can go back to my own bed ..."
"No. No. Please. Don't. Okay. Look." He said and I grinned more as his hand moved over his penis.
I longed to reach over and touch it but I didn't want it to be like that. I wanted him to do it for me. I wanted him to look at me, but he wasn't. He looked anywhere else, just glancing and looking away.
"Stop." I said. "Why don't you look at me?"
He groaned a little. "It's still... Oh God. You're intimidating. I'm sorry."
"Okay. I'm intimidating. I suppose I am. But look at me anyway. Look at me."
He glanced up and away again. Then back, but he cast his eyes down.
"I'm not going to give you permission to do it unless you look at me. Into my face. My eyes."
He did, managing to hold my gaze, but blinking.
"Okay. That's better. Now you can do it more." I said. "See? You can do it."
"You can always make me achieve things." He said, joking, and I took that as a good sign.
I grinned. "Good. I like that." I said. "Keep looking. But I don't make you. I just show you what you can do yourself."
"Okay. Yes. But I love it." He moaned.
"Yeah. That very first day. I told you to pick up your bag, remember?"
"Oh yes. I was so ... ashamed, somehow. I thought, it was humiliating to be ordered by you. But you were right. I ... I wanted so bad for it to be different here. And I saw the bag, and it was like I was already making a mess of your lovely home. And you, you were so ... together, so disciplined, and I wanted it to be like that. I wanted to try to be like that."
"And you were."
"Eventually. I try so hard. You ... did so much for me. I never got math. And you helped me so much. You made me see I could do it if I tried. I love it now. Whenever I see a triangle it makes me happy inside. I think of you."
"Really? What do you think of?"
"How you smell. Your perfume. Your warmth. That lilac angora sweater you wear. That's what I wanted to draw first. You in that sweater, with your hand in your hair, studying. I see it so clearly in my mind, but it comes out on paper so wrong."
"You'll get it baby. Your drawing is good. You practice all the time."
He groaned.
"Are you close?" I asked.
"No. Maybe if I went faster. If you want me to finish."
"No. No, are you? is it edging? Is that it?"
"I think so. God that sounds so kinky but I love this so much. It feels so wrong to stare at your face so much."
"Oh baby. Let me give you something else to stare at."
He groaned again as I moved to pull down the cami.
I laughed. "Is it when I call you baby? You like that?"
"I'm sorry." He said.
"Stop saying sorry." I told him. "I want to do this. I want it to be good for you. I like you talking. That's the best part for me. Now look, look here."
I'd exposed one boob over the soft cami top. I cupped it for him. "You like?"
"Oh Jesus Jessica. You're so perfect. So pretty. How come you don't have a boyfriend? Is it true you prefer girls?"
"Hey." I said. "Don't repeat gossip. No. Or well, I dunno. Maybe I might, but I like boys well enough. I've never been with a girl. I have had boyfriends. Kinda. I'm not a virgin. Are you?"
"No. No. There was a girl, in Wilmington. Carrie. We did it, a few times but honestly, I was terrible. I came way too fast and she was, I dunno. It was like she was just doing it to keep me as a boyfriend. I regretted it."
"Okay Petey. It's okay." I said. "You're really kinda cute. Jade Worthy thought so."
"It was her who said, she asked if you were gay. I was, I think, kind of intimidated by her too. She's so cool but she was just fishing for gossip. I knew that, but I was so impressed that she talked to me."
"What did you tell her about me?"
"Nothing. I just said you weren't really my cousin. I was more like a step cousin."
"Did you want her to think I was sleeping with you?"
He looked back to my face. "Jessica? No. I mean, I don't think she would have believed me anyway but I told her, we were just friends. I said you were looking out for me. I said, I didn't know if you were gay, only that you were, genuine."
"Genuine? That's an odd word."
"It's I dunno. Maybe a Wilmington thing. Like bona-fide. It means, like, real."
"I know what it means." I said. "Here. Here's both boobs. Get a good look, baby. You drink them in. Maybe you can draw them better."
"Is that okay?" He asked. "I'm sorry I did that. It seems disrespectful."
"It's okay now." I said. "You have my permission. And you can wear any of my panties you like. Just ask my permission next time okay?"
"Okay." He mumbled. He seemed fuzzy, lethargic almost, his eyes glancing from my cupped breasts to my face, then roaming over my body.
"Tell me again about Claire." I said, distracting him, wanting it to last, for him.
"Claire. She's into the same music as me. We talked about bands and art and stuff. And we made out. Dates, hanging out. She's really nice. But the sex was ... It wasn't her. It was me. I was just so nervous about it."
"Don't worry about it. Everyone's nervous. I was with a boy once. A real jock. I won't say his name, it wouldn't be fair. He came just as he putting on the condom. It was messy. I didn't laugh. He was so crushed. He thought I'd tell everyone but I didn't."
"Was it always bad?" He asked.
"No. Not always. I was with another guy. Not from school. I met him at a party at Lance Travers house. He was a college freshman. Not a jock, but he had a cool haircut. I liked him. We went upstairs and I let him take off my dress. He used his hand first which got me ready and then we did it on Lance's parent's bed. He was good. I came twice. Once on my back and then he put me on my knees beside the bed and he did me doggy-style. He was a bit cocky. There was a mirror on the other side so we could see ourselves in it. He pulled my hair with one hand while he fucked me and it made me come again like that."
Petey was cumming himself before I realised. He'd known it was going to happen of course, and he'd grabbed the panties and he spasmed and jerked as I saw jets of his jizz soak the satin. It wasn't very absorbent of course and rivulets dripped off it onto his teeshirt and boxers.
"Fuck!" I gasped. "Oh Petey. Fuck! Good boy! Good boy."
As he came, his body trembled. I felt wonderful, powerful knowing I'd done this for him. I wondered what this was about me, that I'd enjoyed this so much.
He calmed down and looked very sheepish.
I plucked the sodden panties from his hand before they could drip andmore and flicked them onto the floor. I grabbed a tissue from his bedside table and wiped most of it away. I didn't want him to be ashamed. "It's okay." I said calmly. "It's okay." I pulled off his tee shirt andhis boxers and l flung them away too. He looked nice naked but he was ashamed, cowering. I put my arms around him and folded him to me. I had barely touched him through all this and he flinched and stiffened but then relaxed as I buried my face in his shoulder, kissing his neck and his cheek.
"Good boy. Good boy Petey. I really enjoyed that. So much."
"You did? Really? Oh God Jessica, I don't understand how. I ... I thought for a minute you were just looking for what Jade said to me."
I laughed. "Silly. I could find that out from her. No. I just like you liking me so much. I want you to be happy with me. Okay? Did you enjoy it? Not too weird?"
"Weird. But not too weird. Fuck. I told you so much stuff."
"I liked hearing about Claire." I said. "That wasn't bullshit, right? Do you keep in touch?"
"No No. She's real. We did. A bit. But she got a new boyfriend. I mean Wilmington ... It's just too much long distance."
"We'll get you a new girlfriend. Someone nice." I said.
He stiffened. I pulled back, my arms still around him.
"You're not my boyfriend Petey." I said, firmly. "This is special. We can do stuff like this, but we're not dating or anything like that, you understand? I want to be your intimidating fantasy girl, not your actual girlfriend, okay?"
"Okay Jessica." He said. "But this is okay? Hugs?"
"Hugs and kisses are very okay." I said. "Kisses like this. On the cheek. On the lips. But no tongues. Okay? That's almost like sex. But yes. hugs and kisses and especially words of affection. You liked when I called you baby?"
"Oh Jesus. I don't think I could say that." He said.
"How about Miss?" I said. "Miss Jessica."
"Oh God. Yes." He said. "Miss Jessica."
That gave me a thrill. I pushed further. "Sometimes girls, when they're having sex, call their guy Daddy? You ever hear that?"
"Sure." He said slowly.
"I think I'd like you to call me Mommy. Would that be okay? Want to give it a try?"
"Yes. Mommy?"
"I grunted. I was so horny now. But somehow I knew it would show weakness to admit it.
"Yes. I like it." I said. "And when you masturbate over me, there'll be no touching. Okay."
"Okay. I understand." He said.
I released him. I wanted, a lot, to have him fuck me now, but I'd enjoyed this a lot, and if we had sex it would ruin it and it would be weird and wreck everything we had together.
I smiled at him. I had a lot of feelings for him but I kept quiet. I worried he would get too emotionally attached. I wanted him to want me, but not to fall in love with me.
"What did you like best?" I asked. "Serious question. Think hard."
He closed his eyes. But as soon as he did I knew he wasn't thinking hard. He knew the answer. He just didn't want to admit it.
"When you told me about having sex." He said. His eyes, still closed.
I grinned. "I knew it. That pushed you over didn't it? Okay and was there anything I did or said you didn't like?"
His eyes roamed around, thinking. "When you asked about Jade. I was worried, I dunno that I'd done something wrong, that you were mad. I didn't really think you'd done all this just to find that out and anyway, I didn't really do anything to hurt you but it was still kinda scary."
"Don't worry about it. You just got caught up in their bullshit."
"Okay. Thanks. And can I ask you the same? Was there anything I said or did you didn't like?"
I laughed. "I'll do the same. Sure. I didn't like when you wouldn't look at me. I want your attention. All of it. But I liked so much when you said I was genuine. I love that. I want to be genuine for you, and you for me."
I gave him a dry peck on the lips and pulled up my cami. I hopped out, being careful not to step on the jizz soaked panties.
"You need to clean up. Rinse that out in the sink and then put it in my laundry basket tomorrow and change your pyjamas. See you tomorrow."
"Good night, Miss." He said and I grinned as I left.
Back in my room I hopped into bed and buried my hand in my crotch. I fingered myself hard as I ran through how he'd looked. How he'd sounded. How it felt when he gazed at me. I wished I'd got more from him about how I looked. I wanted to be wanted. I wanted him to admire me, lust for me. I thought about his face, how he'd looked when I told him about Peter Alton. I hadn't told him his name, partly because it wasn't his business but partly because it was the same as his. I didn't want Petey imagining himself in his place. I wanted him to see the scene, not be in it. I imagined that. Petey looking over my shoulder into the mirror while I was being fucked and I came, hard. My fingers pressed hard on my clit as my hand thrummed on it. But it was the image, the idea, which made me gasp and spasm harder than when it had happened in real life.
I lay in bed, not wanting to sleep. What had made me want to do this with Petey? When Jade had called me an ice queen, I'd kinda liked it. It was an idea that pleased me. What she had with Karl seemed so exciting but way too much drama. The cheerleaders and jocks who dated and broke up and gossiped all seemed to be so much bullshit. They were going through the motions of what they thought high school romance looked like. I wanted something genuine. Petey's drawings of me, that was what I wanted. I wanted him to long for me, to adore me, to obey me. I would have liked to have sex with him. He was cute and funny and he made my heart skip a bit, but ultimately, sex was just intimacy and an orgasm. We already had that and so much more. Orgasms were easy with a well-trained boy. The kind of excitement and next-level intimacy we had just had, were hard to find.
I wished I'd asked him more about what he liked about what we'd done. I didn't want to just train him. I wanted it to be what he wanted too. Hearing about me having sex with Peter was obvious but what else? He'd liked me calling him baby. Was it just the term of affection or specifically that?
I hadn't told him what else myself and Peter had done. How he'd made me feel. I'd save that. [do we get to hear that later?]
He calmed down and looked very sheepish.
I plucked the sodden panties from his hand before they could drip andmore and flicked them onto the floor. I grabbed a tissue from his bedside table and wiped most of it away. I didn't want him to be ashamed. "It's okay." I said calmly. "It's okay." I pulled off his tee shirt andhis boxers and l flung them away too. He looked nice naked but he was ashamed, cowering. I put my arms around him and folded him to me. I had barely touched him through all this and he flinched and stiffened but then relaxed as I buried my face in his shoulder, kissing his neck and his cheek.
"Good boy. Good boy Petey. I really enjoyed that. So much."
"You did? Really? Oh God Jessica, I don't understand how. I ... I thought for a minute you were just looking for what Jade said to me."
I laughed. "Silly. I could find that out from her. No. I just like you liking me so much. I want you to be happy with me. Okay? Did you enjoy it? Not too weird?"
"Weird. But not too weird. Fuck. I told you so much stuff."
"I liked hearing about Claire." I said. "That wasn't bullshit, right? Do you keep in touch?"
"No No. She's real. We did. A bit. But she got a new boyfriend. I mean Wilmington ... It's just too much long distance."
"We'll get you a new girlfriend. Someone nice." I said.
He stiffened. I pulled back, my arms still around him.
"You're not my boyfriend Petey." I said, firmly. "This is special. We can do stuff like this, but we're not dating or anything like that, you understand? I want to be your intimidating fantasy girl, not your actual girlfriend, okay?"
"Okay Jessica." He said. "But this is okay? Hugs?"
"Hugs and kisses are very okay." I said. "Kisses like this. On the cheek. On the lips. But no tongues. Okay? That's almost like sex. But yes. hugs and kisses and especially words of affection. You liked when I called you baby?"
"Oh Jesus. I don't think I could say that." He said.
"How about Miss?" I said. "Miss Jessica."
"Oh God. Yes." He said. "Miss Jessica."
That gave me a thrill. I pushed further. "Sometimes girls, when they're having sex, call their guy Daddy? You ever hear that?"
"Sure." He said slowly.
"I think I'd like you to call me Mommy. Would that be okay? Want to give it a try?"
"Yes. Mommy?"
"I grunted. I was so horny now. But somehow I knew it would show weakness to admit it.
"Yes. I like it." I said. "And when you masturbate over me, there'll be no touching. Okay."
"Okay. I understand." He said.
I released him. I wanted, a lot, to have him fuck me now, but I'd enjoyed this a lot, and if we had sex it would ruin it and it would be weird and wreck everything we had together.
I smiled at him. I had a lot of feelings for him but I kept quiet. I worried he would get too emotionally attached. I wanted him to want me, but not to fall in love with me.
"What did you like best?" I asked. "Serious question. Think hard."
He closed his eyes. But as soon as he did I knew he wasn't thinking hard. He knew the answer. He just didn't want to admit it.
"When you told me about having sex." He said. His eyes, still closed.
I grinned. "I knew it. That pushed you over didn't it? Okay and was there anything I did or said you didn't like?"
His eyes roamed around, thinking. "When you asked about Jade. I was worried, I dunno that I'd done something wrong, that you were mad. I didn't really think you'd done all this just to find that out and anyway, I didn't really do anything to hurt you but it was still kinda scary."
"Don't worry about it. You just got caught up in their bullshit."
"Okay. Thanks. And can I ask you the same? Was there anything I said or did you didn't like?"
I laughed. "I'll do the same. Sure. I didn't like when you wouldn't look at me. I want your attention. All of it. But I liked so much when you said I was genuine. I love that. I want to be genuine for you, and you for me."
I gave him a dry peck on the lips and pulled up my cami. I hopped out, being careful not to step on the jizz soaked panties.
"You need to clean up. Rinse that out in the sink and then put it in my laundry basket tomorrow and change your pyjamas. See you tomorrow."
"Good night, Miss." He said and I grinned as I left.
Back in my room I hopped into bed and buried my hand in my crotch. I fingered myself hard as I ran through how he'd looked. How he'd sounded. How it felt when he gazed at me. I wished I'd got more from him about how I looked. I wanted to be wanted. I wanted him to admire me, lust for me. I thought about his face, how he'd looked when I told him about Peter Alton. I hadn't told him his name, partly because it wasn't his business but partly because it was the same as his. I didn't want Petey imagining himself in his place. I wanted him to see the scene, not be in it. I imagined that. Petey looking over my shoulder into the mirror while I was being fucked and I came, hard. My fingers pressed hard on my clit as my hand thrummed on it. But it was the image, the idea, which made me gasp and spasm harder than when it had happened in real life.
I lay in bed, not wanting to sleep. What had made me want to do this with Petey? When Jade had called me an ice queen, I'd kinda liked it. It was an idea that pleased me. What she had with Karl seemed so exciting but way too much drama. The cheerleaders and jocks who dated and broke up and gossiped all seemed to be so much bullshit. They were going through the motions of what they thought high school romance looked like. I wanted something genuine. Petey's drawings of me, that was what I wanted. I wanted him to long for me, to adore me, to obey me. I would have liked to have sex with him. He was cute and funny and he made my heart skip a bit, but ultimately, sex was just intimacy and an orgasm. We already had that and so much more. Orgasms were easy with a well-trained boy. The kind of excitement and next-level intimacy we had just had, were hard to find.
I wished I'd asked him more about what he liked about what we'd done. I didn't want to just train him. I wanted it to be what he wanted too. Hearing about me having sex with Peter was obvious but what else? He'd liked me calling him baby. Was it just the term of affection or specifically that?
I hadn't told him what else myself and Peter had done. How he'd made me feel. I'd save that. [do we get to hear that later?]
The relationship deepens
[this is just the next day - can we have more time pass?]
I dreamt, something about panties. And were there skirts? Petey and Jade? Were they in it?
I heard Dad drive away. He would be out for the weekend. And no school till the New Year. Mom would sleep in. I hopped out of bed and changed into new pyjamas. My white satin full length ones with pink piping. Quite modest. I ran my hand through my hair and went to Petey's room.
He was up already, at his desk in just fresh boxers and tee shirt. He was hunched over his desk, drawing.
I went up behind him. He covered his drawing.
"Let me see." I whispered.
Shyly, he moved his hand. It was me, in my pyjamas, I was delighted to see. My face was sketched and just part of my chest. I was leaning on my arm, the hem of my cami still covering my boobs.
I put my hands on his shoulder. "Love it." I whispered.
"You don't knock." He said.
"No. I don't have to." I said. "You're mine, so it's my room too.'
"I'm yours." He repeated.
"Yes." I said. "Aren't you?"
"I want to be." He said.
I could see I was making him hard already. Or maybe he already was?
"Come on." I said. "Mom will be in bed for hours. Want to play in my panty drawer?"
In my room. he was nervous and reluctant. I wanted him to pick out whatever of my underwear he liked but he squirmed and resisted.
"Petey? Do I go too fast? You don't want to do this? I thought you'd want to."
"Oh God. It's just that it's so embarrassing. I know I'm like a broken record. But I'm in your room. You can see my boner. It's just ... it seems so wrong ... I know what we did last night. You were so wonderful. But I ... I don't want you to see me in them."
"Okay. You don't have to wear them now in front of me. Though I really, really would like to see that. You don't even have to take them now. You can come in here and borrow whatever you like later. Okay? I don't want to push you. You have to want it too. You say I was wonderful. Bur do you regret it?"
He shook his head. "Uh unh. No. I feel so ... free? Unburdened? I feel bad for being so furtive before. I love what we did so much and I always felt bad sneaking off to draw or, you-know, over you."
"You felt bad?"
"It was ... disrespectful ... dishonest."
"You said that before. Yes it was. But not now."
"No. I don't think so."
I pushed him onto the bed and lay beside him. "You cringed last night when I said we could find you a girlfriend."
He squirmed some more and gave me some side-eye. "Seriously Jessica? That seems crazy."
"Does it? Why? You're cute. You're cool with your music and art and all ..."
"No. No. I mean, thanks. But how could I have a girlfriend and still be your ... boy toy?"
"It would be dishonest?"
"Yeah. I'd feel like shit. With her. With you."
"Okay. That's good. You're right."
Now, I wanted to kiss him. I loved his honesty.
"But how about, hypothetically, she was in on it? That you did the same kind of thing with her? And I knew about it?"
His eyes rolled around. "That's crazy. Nobody would be okay with that."
"I think some would, but never mind, this is hypothetical."
"Okay. No. I mean, I suppose, but how would she feel about ... us? About me being so obsessed with you?"
"Maybe she's just okay with it. How would you feel?"
"Still shitty. It's unfaithful anyway. I think."
"Okay. Put a pin in it. Now, I go to a party and get laid. I tell you about it. How do you feel about that?"
"Fuck. Jessica."
"Is that bad or what?"
"This is worse than the panties. Good. I think. Like, oh my God. When you told me about that guy. I mean, I knew you must have had sex. But Jesus. Hearing you tell it was so incredible. And if ,,. now ... and you told me. Like, details? Jesus, Jessica."
"I'm still not one hundred percent clear here...?"
"Amazing. Fuck. I mean, Scared. Scared you'll decide to stop doing this with me. That you'll tell me it's over but Oh My God. Like last night? My mind would explode."
"In a good way?"
"Yes. Yes."
"If I brought you pictures?"
"Of you doing it?" His voice was a squeak.
"Yeah. Like sex selfies."
"I can't even imagine that. So overwhelming."
"If you were there? Say, like, hiding in a wardrobe but you could see?"
He twisted in the bed like. he. was being tortured.
"Please Jessica. Miss Jessica. I'm, I'm not touching myself but I'm going to. make a mess on your bed."
Could he? Would he? His boner was tenting his boxers. There must have been a little friction but his hands were rigid at his sides. I thought he was exaggerating.
"Okay. Okay. Breathe." I said. "Remember you need to do a bunch of chores today. My Dad said he'd leave a list. Maria has gone back to visit her mother in Venezuela so we need to do more around the house. And I'm not doing all the cooking. And if we rely on Mom, we'll all starve."
He gave a strangled laugh. "Or gas ourselves. Did you see all the lentils she bought? What is that about?"
"She wants to go vegan. Don't worry. She'll forget about it in a few days. Be glad you missed the seaweed episode. I thought Dad would die."
"You can eat seaweed?"
"Apparently. We never really got as far as actually eating it."
He laughed again, a little more normally.
"Are you still close?" I asked.
He shook his head.
"It's okay. Never mind all that now. But, this is nice. I like talking to you like this. If I do did that? What I mentioned. I wouldn't want to stop what we have. And if I thought, that it would wreck it. Wreck us? Then I wouldn't do it. That's why I'm asking. You say it would be dishonest for you. Wouldn't it be the same for me?"
"No. Not the same,"
"Why not?"
He closed his eyes. I could see him searching his feelings. "It just isn't. I mean, I don't have a girlfriend and okay, neither do you. Wait. Yes. That's it. You were asking about a girlfriend. Like not just a one off. But what you're describing, is a one off. You're not saying, a boyfriend?"
"I wasn't. How about if I was."
"Fuck. Okay. But how serious. Like you are now? Like a dating thing?"
"How I am now?"
"Yeah. I mean cold, going along with it but not really invested."
"You what now Petey? Cold?"
"Oh. Oh. I mean, not with me. But like you would be with a guy. I mean, you're talking about a boyfriend, you ... don't ... love?"
He looked scared. Like he'd stepped on a landmine, heard it click, and now needed to get off safely.
I looked up, away. I was cold. He saw it too. Jessica Valet didn't do love. I pressed on anway.
"You'd be okay with it if I was just dating, Using him for sex. Not in love."
"It's not really my place. I mean you can do whatever you want. But yeah."
"It would hurt. But in a good way?"
"Fuck. Yeah. I mean. Yes. I think so."
"But if I was invested, warm, like you say, that's not okay?"
"Please Jessica. It's like you're saying I have some say over it."
"No. I just want to know how you'd feel."
"Sad. But I think, I don't know. I'd be glad you were in love. I mean, if he loved you too. And he wasn't an asshole. But I don't imagine you would fall in love with an asshole."
"I don't know Petey. There's a lot of them about."
"yes. And there are unusually high concentrations in our school."
"You said it brother."
"Jessica? Can I ask you something. Something personal?"
"Isn't this personal?"
"Different. Do you think your parents will adopt me?"
"Wow. No. Sorry. I mean I don't know if you'd want that? But I don't think that would even be legal. Your Dad's just in jail. Not dead."
He sighed. "You know he's not my Dad. He's my step Dad. And he never adopted me either."
"Okay, but your Mom is still alive, I mean, probably, somewhere?"
"She isn't coming back. She didn't appear at the trial or when I was put in the care of the state or when your parents said they'd take me in."
"Do you want them to? Something formal?"
"No. I mean. This is wonderful. Not just you. You're next level. But all this. I fell out of a pretty shitty life and into all this. I am so lucky. But it could all go away if my Mom turns up. And if your Mom found out about us ... Jesus.
"She won't" I said.
"She's not stupid Jessica. But when I first arrived, I was like, well, you saw. I thought, this won't last. But then. Well, you encouraged me and I, well I resisted and it wasn't just that I was lazy and an asshole but, investing, as you say, it's hard."
"You won't ever lose this Petey." I said fiercely. "I would prevent it. You know my Dad couldn't go against me. I wouldn't let him."
"Okay, but sure, when I first arrived and then when I, when things went so well. I so badly wanted them to say, 'We've signed these papers' or whatever. But now. If they do. It'd make us brother and sister."
"Oh don't be silly. Not really. We're not even slightly related."
He looked kind of worried and sad with all this.
I put my arms around him. "Now look. Put your arms around me baby. Yes. Tight. I will never let you be sent away Petey. Not ever. I rule this house. This family. You're mine and I am yours. I'd love to be your sister. But I don't care what's on a piece of paper. And if you want to be adopted, then I will make that happen. And if you don't, then I won't let it happen. And if my parents found out about us, and they won't, but hypothetically, I would still prevent them from sending you away, Or me. You do understand that I can do that?"
His face was buried in my shoulder. "Yes. I know. I'm sorry. I feel like a needy whiner and I don't want to be. I just. I just want to be with you."
I gripped him tight to me.
I heard the front door bang shut.
"Who's that?" whispered Petey, surprised.
"Fuck. It's my brother. Home from college." I said.
I loved Nate. He was hilarious and loyal and utterly oblivious the his own epic dimness. He had somehow scraped through his junior pre-law exams which had further reinforced his blind spot to his own failings. Now he was bound to be finding it tough in the more difficult second year. He was never going to graduate, no matter how many Libraries my Father bought.
I pushed Petey out of my bed. "Go get dressed. Don't confuse him." I hissed.
"Petey scarpered, his boner still tenting his boxers. I ran downstairs to see Nate. He was in the lobby, looking goofy and confused.
"Jessie! Where is everyone?" He said.
I barelled into him and jumped into his arms, kissing his cheeks and his chin. "Good to see you home Bro." I said.
But there was something wrong. An unusual stiffness. in his manner.
Over his shoulder, coming in the front door with a leather jacket and a hat was a girl. A woman. She had a bag.
"Jessie. This is Angela." Said Nate, putting me down.
"Hi." Said Angela, giving me a look that made clear she thought that a seventeen year old girl shouldn't greet her brother by jumping into his arms. Definitely not if she was in her pyjamas.
"Eh, hi, eh, Angela? Are you staying?" I said, looking at her bag.
"If that's okay with you?" She said.
I hated her instantly. She looked sleek and well groomed. Every inch of her screamed Berkely Bitch from her Laboutains to her way-too-cute beanie. She looked far too smart for Nate. But was she too smart for me?
Around the breakfast table, we found out more about Angela. She divulged some carefully-prepared nuggets of information about herself, then Nate poured barbecue sauce all over them. She was a Law major too. "Senior year." said Nate. "What's she doing with a junior like me?"
She was from Nappa too. Her father was a schoolteacher, said Nate.
They'd met at a party. Then they kept bumping into each other everywhere said Nate. Total coincidence.
She was staying in student. accommodation. But really, she'd moved into his apartment said Nate. Her stuff was everywhere.
Angela kept trying to steer the conversation to conservation and the homeless. But Mom wasn't biting. She was still too sleepy to recognise Angela as the kindred spirit she was clearly pretending to be.
I regarded her with cool loathing while being excessively deferential and polite. Petey, hastily dressed and showered just stared at her. Even in our circle, he'd never seen anyone so perfectly made up and dressed. Boy was he going to get it when I had him alone again.
I wondered if she'd spent her last penny on her get up and her hair and nails or if she'd already bilked Nate for her outfit.
I stayed in my pyjamas for breakfast, despite the social disadvantage they gave me. With Angela so dressed up. I wanted to check her out before she got her bearings, and in any case, there would still be time to give her both of the Jessica Valet barrels later.
To me, Angela steered the conversation to topics to emphasise my youth and childishness. She didn't utter a sentence without the words high school or girl, or seventeen in it. Frequently all three.
She had a tactic but it wouldn't work. I had her number and I knew I could take her.
When I felt I had her measure, I made my excuses and went to get dressed. Before I left them, I reminded Petey he needed to borrow my French study notes. He wasn't so clueless as to ask what the fuck I was talking about.
When I came out of the shower, I heard him knock gently.
"Come in. Come in." I hissed.
"Fuck. You're naked." He said, startled, closing the door quickly.
"Get in here Petey." I said, hands on my. hips. "What the fuck Petey? Your tongue was hanging out down there."
"What? Sorry. I just, eh, was it? Shit. Sorry Jessica. I just wasn't expecting her. Sorry. Don't you like her?"
"Oh now you look at me!" I hissed. "Is that what I have to do to get your attention? Be naked? Are you checking me out? What the fuck?"
"Sorry. Sorry. I mean, You said come in. I know. Sorry."
I knew it was unfair. But I was pissed. Petey's eyes darted around everywhere except at my body.
"Open that drawer. You know the one. Get me the gold lame pair. You know which ones."
He rummaged in the drawer and handed me the panties. I gave him a look and flicked my eyes to the drawer. He was smart enough to grasp my meaning and he tidied my panties back neatly.
"Matching bra, in the drawer below." I said.
He handed me the bra. It was gold lame with hand-detailed lace. The fanciest lingerie I owned. It made me feel powerful and strong.
I cupped my boobs into it and then turned around, lifting my hair.
"Do it up please. Second clasp."
I felt him tremble a bit as he fumbled with it but he did it up correctly.
I turned back to face him.
"Who owns you Petey?"
"You do Jessica."
"This woman is a gold digger. She's way too smart for Nate and he is too dumb for her. She's come for all this. Oldest son of the biggest Wine producer in the county. No warning she's coming. She has her claws in him deep. I love my brother. I won't see her hurt him. Are we clear?"
"Crystal." He said. But his tone. His fucking tone.
"What? Come on. You think this is unfair?"
"No. No. Not at all. I'm on board. Really Jessica."
"Petey. I love you. Put all the sex stuff aside. Just fucking tell me what you're thinking. I need to know now."
"She seems nice." He squeaked. "I mean. Maybe you're right but is it possible. I mean, most likely you're right but maybe is it possible you're very possessive of your brother and any girl who came in here, you'd go all alpha-female on her? Maybe?"
"Do you think I'm stupid Petey? Do you?"
"No Miss." He said, his voice very tight.
"Do you not think I've thought of that? I watched her. I listened. She has no money. She made the move on Nate. Bumping into him. She prepared some altruistic bullshit to talk to my Mom about. She's a schemer."
He clenched his eyes. "I know. But Jessica. Sure, she doesn't have money. But compared to you guys, everyone's poor. Why shouldn't she make a move on Nate. Maybe she likes him. He's kinda hunky and lovable. Why wouldn't she ask what her boyfriend's Mom is into? That would be thoughtful. Maybe she was nervous about coming here to meet his folks?"
"Go get my cream dress from the closet. The one with the belt. And the shoes. They're also cream, they're below the dress."
In truth I wanted time to think. I knew I was right and Petey and Nate were just clueless because she was so attractive and artful. But I wanted to win the argument and Petey was slippery and clever. Plus, he had good arguments, damn him.
I thought about pantyhose. No. Keep it youthful. How old was she? At least two years older than Nate. Older than that? Maybe. I would find out. XXXXX - she has to do this research some time.
I picked a cami top from the drawer and pulled it on. Petey held my dress low and I stepped into it then turned to let him zip me up. I put my hand on his shoulder to steady me as I stepped into the cream heels.
"Okay. Sit while I do my hair." I said. "I like having you here to help me dress, Petey." I said, more gently.
He nodded. I arched an eyebrow.
I heard Dad drive away. He would be out for the weekend. And no school till the New Year. Mom would sleep in. I hopped out of bed and changed into new pyjamas. My white satin full length ones with pink piping. Quite modest. I ran my hand through my hair and went to Petey's room.
He was up already, at his desk in just fresh boxers and tee shirt. He was hunched over his desk, drawing.
I went up behind him. He covered his drawing.
"Let me see." I whispered.
Shyly, he moved his hand. It was me, in my pyjamas, I was delighted to see. My face was sketched and just part of my chest. I was leaning on my arm, the hem of my cami still covering my boobs.
I put my hands on his shoulder. "Love it." I whispered.
"You don't knock." He said.
"No. I don't have to." I said. "You're mine, so it's my room too.'
"I'm yours." He repeated.
"Yes." I said. "Aren't you?"
"I want to be." He said.
I could see I was making him hard already. Or maybe he already was?
"Come on." I said. "Mom will be in bed for hours. Want to play in my panty drawer?"
In my room. he was nervous and reluctant. I wanted him to pick out whatever of my underwear he liked but he squirmed and resisted.
"Petey? Do I go too fast? You don't want to do this? I thought you'd want to."
"Oh God. It's just that it's so embarrassing. I know I'm like a broken record. But I'm in your room. You can see my boner. It's just ... it seems so wrong ... I know what we did last night. You were so wonderful. But I ... I don't want you to see me in them."
"Okay. You don't have to wear them now in front of me. Though I really, really would like to see that. You don't even have to take them now. You can come in here and borrow whatever you like later. Okay? I don't want to push you. You have to want it too. You say I was wonderful. Bur do you regret it?"
He shook his head. "Uh unh. No. I feel so ... free? Unburdened? I feel bad for being so furtive before. I love what we did so much and I always felt bad sneaking off to draw or, you-know, over you."
"You felt bad?"
"It was ... disrespectful ... dishonest."
"You said that before. Yes it was. But not now."
"No. I don't think so."
I pushed him onto the bed and lay beside him. "You cringed last night when I said we could find you a girlfriend."
He squirmed some more and gave me some side-eye. "Seriously Jessica? That seems crazy."
"Does it? Why? You're cute. You're cool with your music and art and all ..."
"No. No. I mean, thanks. But how could I have a girlfriend and still be your ... boy toy?"
"It would be dishonest?"
"Yeah. I'd feel like shit. With her. With you."
"Okay. That's good. You're right."
Now, I wanted to kiss him. I loved his honesty.
"But how about, hypothetically, she was in on it? That you did the same kind of thing with her? And I knew about it?"
His eyes rolled around. "That's crazy. Nobody would be okay with that."
"I think some would, but never mind, this is hypothetical."
"Okay. No. I mean, I suppose, but how would she feel about ... us? About me being so obsessed with you?"
"Maybe she's just okay with it. How would you feel?"
"Still shitty. It's unfaithful anyway. I think."
"Okay. Put a pin in it. Now, I go to a party and get laid. I tell you about it. How do you feel about that?"
"Fuck. Jessica."
"Is that bad or what?"
"This is worse than the panties. Good. I think. Like, oh my God. When you told me about that guy. I mean, I knew you must have had sex. But Jesus. Hearing you tell it was so incredible. And if ,,. now ... and you told me. Like, details? Jesus, Jessica."
"I'm still not one hundred percent clear here...?"
"Amazing. Fuck. I mean, Scared. Scared you'll decide to stop doing this with me. That you'll tell me it's over but Oh My God. Like last night? My mind would explode."
"In a good way?"
"Yes. Yes."
"If I brought you pictures?"
"Of you doing it?" His voice was a squeak.
"Yeah. Like sex selfies."
"I can't even imagine that. So overwhelming."
"If you were there? Say, like, hiding in a wardrobe but you could see?"
He twisted in the bed like. he. was being tortured.
"Please Jessica. Miss Jessica. I'm, I'm not touching myself but I'm going to. make a mess on your bed."
Could he? Would he? His boner was tenting his boxers. There must have been a little friction but his hands were rigid at his sides. I thought he was exaggerating.
"Okay. Okay. Breathe." I said. "Remember you need to do a bunch of chores today. My Dad said he'd leave a list. Maria has gone back to visit her mother in Venezuela so we need to do more around the house. And I'm not doing all the cooking. And if we rely on Mom, we'll all starve."
He gave a strangled laugh. "Or gas ourselves. Did you see all the lentils she bought? What is that about?"
"She wants to go vegan. Don't worry. She'll forget about it in a few days. Be glad you missed the seaweed episode. I thought Dad would die."
"You can eat seaweed?"
"Apparently. We never really got as far as actually eating it."
He laughed again, a little more normally.
"Are you still close?" I asked.
He shook his head.
"It's okay. Never mind all that now. But, this is nice. I like talking to you like this. If I do did that? What I mentioned. I wouldn't want to stop what we have. And if I thought, that it would wreck it. Wreck us? Then I wouldn't do it. That's why I'm asking. You say it would be dishonest for you. Wouldn't it be the same for me?"
"No. Not the same,"
"Why not?"
He closed his eyes. I could see him searching his feelings. "It just isn't. I mean, I don't have a girlfriend and okay, neither do you. Wait. Yes. That's it. You were asking about a girlfriend. Like not just a one off. But what you're describing, is a one off. You're not saying, a boyfriend?"
"I wasn't. How about if I was."
"Fuck. Okay. But how serious. Like you are now? Like a dating thing?"
"How I am now?"
"Yeah. I mean cold, going along with it but not really invested."
"You what now Petey? Cold?"
"Oh. Oh. I mean, not with me. But like you would be with a guy. I mean, you're talking about a boyfriend, you ... don't ... love?"
He looked scared. Like he'd stepped on a landmine, heard it click, and now needed to get off safely.
I looked up, away. I was cold. He saw it too. Jessica Valet didn't do love. I pressed on anway.
"You'd be okay with it if I was just dating, Using him for sex. Not in love."
"It's not really my place. I mean you can do whatever you want. But yeah."
"It would hurt. But in a good way?"
"Fuck. Yeah. I mean. Yes. I think so."
"But if I was invested, warm, like you say, that's not okay?"
"Please Jessica. It's like you're saying I have some say over it."
"No. I just want to know how you'd feel."
"Sad. But I think, I don't know. I'd be glad you were in love. I mean, if he loved you too. And he wasn't an asshole. But I don't imagine you would fall in love with an asshole."
"I don't know Petey. There's a lot of them about."
"yes. And there are unusually high concentrations in our school."
"You said it brother."
"Jessica? Can I ask you something. Something personal?"
"Isn't this personal?"
"Different. Do you think your parents will adopt me?"
"Wow. No. Sorry. I mean I don't know if you'd want that? But I don't think that would even be legal. Your Dad's just in jail. Not dead."
He sighed. "You know he's not my Dad. He's my step Dad. And he never adopted me either."
"Okay, but your Mom is still alive, I mean, probably, somewhere?"
"She isn't coming back. She didn't appear at the trial or when I was put in the care of the state or when your parents said they'd take me in."
"Do you want them to? Something formal?"
"No. I mean. This is wonderful. Not just you. You're next level. But all this. I fell out of a pretty shitty life and into all this. I am so lucky. But it could all go away if my Mom turns up. And if your Mom found out about us ... Jesus.
"She won't" I said.
"She's not stupid Jessica. But when I first arrived, I was like, well, you saw. I thought, this won't last. But then. Well, you encouraged me and I, well I resisted and it wasn't just that I was lazy and an asshole but, investing, as you say, it's hard."
"You won't ever lose this Petey." I said fiercely. "I would prevent it. You know my Dad couldn't go against me. I wouldn't let him."
"Okay, but sure, when I first arrived and then when I, when things went so well. I so badly wanted them to say, 'We've signed these papers' or whatever. But now. If they do. It'd make us brother and sister."
"Oh don't be silly. Not really. We're not even slightly related."
He looked kind of worried and sad with all this.
I put my arms around him. "Now look. Put your arms around me baby. Yes. Tight. I will never let you be sent away Petey. Not ever. I rule this house. This family. You're mine and I am yours. I'd love to be your sister. But I don't care what's on a piece of paper. And if you want to be adopted, then I will make that happen. And if you don't, then I won't let it happen. And if my parents found out about us, and they won't, but hypothetically, I would still prevent them from sending you away, Or me. You do understand that I can do that?"
His face was buried in my shoulder. "Yes. I know. I'm sorry. I feel like a needy whiner and I don't want to be. I just. I just want to be with you."
I gripped him tight to me.
I heard the front door bang shut.
"Who's that?" whispered Petey, surprised.
"Fuck. It's my brother. Home from college." I said.
Nate and Angela
Nate was a grade-A idiot. A lovable, goofy idiot with an infectious laugh and a body from central casting. He was studying Law at Berkely which prompted everyone who knew him to say 'Law? Nate?'I loved Nate. He was hilarious and loyal and utterly oblivious the his own epic dimness. He had somehow scraped through his junior pre-law exams which had further reinforced his blind spot to his own failings. Now he was bound to be finding it tough in the more difficult second year. He was never going to graduate, no matter how many Libraries my Father bought.
I pushed Petey out of my bed. "Go get dressed. Don't confuse him." I hissed.
"Petey scarpered, his boner still tenting his boxers. I ran downstairs to see Nate. He was in the lobby, looking goofy and confused.
"Jessie! Where is everyone?" He said.
I barelled into him and jumped into his arms, kissing his cheeks and his chin. "Good to see you home Bro." I said.
But there was something wrong. An unusual stiffness. in his manner.
Over his shoulder, coming in the front door with a leather jacket and a hat was a girl. A woman. She had a bag.
"Jessie. This is Angela." Said Nate, putting me down.
"Hi." Said Angela, giving me a look that made clear she thought that a seventeen year old girl shouldn't greet her brother by jumping into his arms. Definitely not if she was in her pyjamas.
"Eh, hi, eh, Angela? Are you staying?" I said, looking at her bag.
"If that's okay with you?" She said.
I hated her instantly. She looked sleek and well groomed. Every inch of her screamed Berkely Bitch from her Laboutains to her way-too-cute beanie. She looked far too smart for Nate. But was she too smart for me?
Around the breakfast table, we found out more about Angela. She divulged some carefully-prepared nuggets of information about herself, then Nate poured barbecue sauce all over them. She was a Law major too. "Senior year." said Nate. "What's she doing with a junior like me?"
She was from Nappa too. Her father was a schoolteacher, said Nate.
They'd met at a party. Then they kept bumping into each other everywhere said Nate. Total coincidence.
She was staying in student. accommodation. But really, she'd moved into his apartment said Nate. Her stuff was everywhere.
Angela kept trying to steer the conversation to conservation and the homeless. But Mom wasn't biting. She was still too sleepy to recognise Angela as the kindred spirit she was clearly pretending to be.
I regarded her with cool loathing while being excessively deferential and polite. Petey, hastily dressed and showered just stared at her. Even in our circle, he'd never seen anyone so perfectly made up and dressed. Boy was he going to get it when I had him alone again.
I wondered if she'd spent her last penny on her get up and her hair and nails or if she'd already bilked Nate for her outfit.
I stayed in my pyjamas for breakfast, despite the social disadvantage they gave me. With Angela so dressed up. I wanted to check her out before she got her bearings, and in any case, there would still be time to give her both of the Jessica Valet barrels later.
To me, Angela steered the conversation to topics to emphasise my youth and childishness. She didn't utter a sentence without the words high school or girl, or seventeen in it. Frequently all three.
She had a tactic but it wouldn't work. I had her number and I knew I could take her.
When I felt I had her measure, I made my excuses and went to get dressed. Before I left them, I reminded Petey he needed to borrow my French study notes. He wasn't so clueless as to ask what the fuck I was talking about.
When I came out of the shower, I heard him knock gently.
"Come in. Come in." I hissed.
"Fuck. You're naked." He said, startled, closing the door quickly.
"Get in here Petey." I said, hands on my. hips. "What the fuck Petey? Your tongue was hanging out down there."
"What? Sorry. I just, eh, was it? Shit. Sorry Jessica. I just wasn't expecting her. Sorry. Don't you like her?"
"Oh now you look at me!" I hissed. "Is that what I have to do to get your attention? Be naked? Are you checking me out? What the fuck?"
"Sorry. Sorry. I mean, You said come in. I know. Sorry."
I knew it was unfair. But I was pissed. Petey's eyes darted around everywhere except at my body.
"Open that drawer. You know the one. Get me the gold lame pair. You know which ones."
He rummaged in the drawer and handed me the panties. I gave him a look and flicked my eyes to the drawer. He was smart enough to grasp my meaning and he tidied my panties back neatly.
"Matching bra, in the drawer below." I said.
He handed me the bra. It was gold lame with hand-detailed lace. The fanciest lingerie I owned. It made me feel powerful and strong.
I cupped my boobs into it and then turned around, lifting my hair.
"Do it up please. Second clasp."
I felt him tremble a bit as he fumbled with it but he did it up correctly.
I turned back to face him.
"Who owns you Petey?"
"You do Jessica."
"This woman is a gold digger. She's way too smart for Nate and he is too dumb for her. She's come for all this. Oldest son of the biggest Wine producer in the county. No warning she's coming. She has her claws in him deep. I love my brother. I won't see her hurt him. Are we clear?"
"Crystal." He said. But his tone. His fucking tone.
"What? Come on. You think this is unfair?"
"No. No. Not at all. I'm on board. Really Jessica."
"Petey. I love you. Put all the sex stuff aside. Just fucking tell me what you're thinking. I need to know now."
"She seems nice." He squeaked. "I mean. Maybe you're right but is it possible. I mean, most likely you're right but maybe is it possible you're very possessive of your brother and any girl who came in here, you'd go all alpha-female on her? Maybe?"
"Do you think I'm stupid Petey? Do you?"
"No Miss." He said, his voice very tight.
"Do you not think I've thought of that? I watched her. I listened. She has no money. She made the move on Nate. Bumping into him. She prepared some altruistic bullshit to talk to my Mom about. She's a schemer."
He clenched his eyes. "I know. But Jessica. Sure, she doesn't have money. But compared to you guys, everyone's poor. Why shouldn't she make a move on Nate. Maybe she likes him. He's kinda hunky and lovable. Why wouldn't she ask what her boyfriend's Mom is into? That would be thoughtful. Maybe she was nervous about coming here to meet his folks?"
"Go get my cream dress from the closet. The one with the belt. And the shoes. They're also cream, they're below the dress."
In truth I wanted time to think. I knew I was right and Petey and Nate were just clueless because she was so attractive and artful. But I wanted to win the argument and Petey was slippery and clever. Plus, he had good arguments, damn him.
I thought about pantyhose. No. Keep it youthful. How old was she? At least two years older than Nate. Older than that? Maybe. I would find out. XXXXX - she has to do this research some time.
I picked a cami top from the drawer and pulled it on. Petey held my dress low and I stepped into it then turned to let him zip me up. I put my hand on his shoulder to steady me as I stepped into the cream heels.
"Okay. Sit while I do my hair." I said. "I like having you here to help me dress, Petey." I said, more gently.
He nodded. I arched an eyebrow.
"Yes. I love it too." He said. "I just wish I didn't make you so angry."
I patted the stool beside me. "You don't. Okay you did. But okay. Let's say it's not clear. I'm not going to run her out of the house straight away. I'll give her a chance to expose herself okay?"
"Or prove herself."
Petey looked at me in the mirror. I paused, brushing my hair. "Don't push it Petey. You may have won her a stay of execution. A retrial. But it's only going to end one way."
"Okay." He. said and we sat in silence for a moment.
"You know." He said. "I did believe you when you said you could stop your parents from doing something. But wow. Beyond doubt now. You're so fierce."
"Uh huh. Nate is my puppy. He's three years older than me but from when I could walk I've looked after him. Angela isn't the first girl I've had to work on."
"Do you let him have any girlfriends?"
I gave him a sour look. "Of course. In high school he dated lots of girls."
"Ones you approved of."
I waved the brush at him. "Do you want to go over my knee Petey? This is whalebone. It will sting like a bitch on your white ass."
His eyes went wide. I looked at him. We had just stored something up for the future.
"Yes. Ones I approved of." I said, turning back to the mirror. "Nice girls. Who wouldn't hurt him. You see how he is? I love him but he's dumber than a box of puppies, and so trusting."
"Like me."
"You're not dumb. Petey. You know that."
"But I am trusting."
I'd finished my hair. I picked up an eyebrow pencil. "Yes. I love that about you. Is there some undertone there baby? Your nuance is getting even more subtle and annoying."
"My nuance? No. No undertone. But, and I know this is stupid, but one day soon you'll be in college maybe out of state. You'll be coming home like Nate. I'll still be in school. We only just got together but already I'm missing you."
I smiled at him. "Live for the now Petey. We have the holidays, two semesters and the Summer. And I won't be going out of state. I'll be near. I'll come home on weekends to check up on you and in a year you'll be in college too."
"Check up on me."
"Your final year? You betcha. You will still need to work so hard to make good grades to join me. I'll be checking up to be sure."
He smiled. "You think we'll still be together then?"
I put down my pencil and added just a hint of eyeliner. No lipstick. Minimal.
"Petey." I said. "We're together forever."
I patted the stool beside me. "You don't. Okay you did. But okay. Let's say it's not clear. I'm not going to run her out of the house straight away. I'll give her a chance to expose herself okay?"
"Or prove herself."
Petey looked at me in the mirror. I paused, brushing my hair. "Don't push it Petey. You may have won her a stay of execution. A retrial. But it's only going to end one way."
"Okay." He. said and we sat in silence for a moment.
"You know." He said. "I did believe you when you said you could stop your parents from doing something. But wow. Beyond doubt now. You're so fierce."
"Uh huh. Nate is my puppy. He's three years older than me but from when I could walk I've looked after him. Angela isn't the first girl I've had to work on."
"Do you let him have any girlfriends?"
I gave him a sour look. "Of course. In high school he dated lots of girls."
"Ones you approved of."
I waved the brush at him. "Do you want to go over my knee Petey? This is whalebone. It will sting like a bitch on your white ass."
His eyes went wide. I looked at him. We had just stored something up for the future.
"Yes. Ones I approved of." I said, turning back to the mirror. "Nice girls. Who wouldn't hurt him. You see how he is? I love him but he's dumber than a box of puppies, and so trusting."
"Like me."
"You're not dumb. Petey. You know that."
"But I am trusting."
I'd finished my hair. I picked up an eyebrow pencil. "Yes. I love that about you. Is there some undertone there baby? Your nuance is getting even more subtle and annoying."
"My nuance? No. No undertone. But, and I know this is stupid, but one day soon you'll be in college maybe out of state. You'll be coming home like Nate. I'll still be in school. We only just got together but already I'm missing you."
I smiled at him. "Live for the now Petey. We have the holidays, two semesters and the Summer. And I won't be going out of state. I'll be near. I'll come home on weekends to check up on you and in a year you'll be in college too."
"Check up on me."
"Your final year? You betcha. You will still need to work so hard to make good grades to join me. I'll be checking up to be sure."
He smiled. "You think we'll still be together then?"
I put down my pencil and added just a hint of eyeliner. No lipstick. Minimal.
"Petey." I said. "We're together forever."
[Need more time to pass. Is Dad here? She needs to have been here a day or more]
I meant what I'd said. Holidays were just a good time for more study. We set up in the usual spot in the lounge. We were grinding through the Second World War when Angela strolled in. I ignored her. Petey followed my lead.
She sat and moved her hand to the remote. Then thought better of it. She looked around. I watched her from the corner of my eye while Petey struggled to make sense of the Pacific War.
"The Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere." I said, quietly.
Angela glanced over. She picked up a magazine. One of the ones with our house on the front. she flicked through it.
It was quiet except for the sound of Petey's pencil. I worked through my SAT practice.
"Sorry." Said Angela. She'd come up behind me while I filled boxes. "Sorry to disturb you. But is it okay if I go outside and look around? Nate's with your Mom and I wasn't sure if ..."
I let her trail off.
"If you wait just a few minutes. I'll take you myself Angela." I said, politely. "I just need to finish my SATs."
"Sure. Of course. Thank you." She said and sat back down.
I made her wait fifteen minutes. How many was a few? Fifteen seemed just enough to build up some superiority.
"Okay. Let's go." I said. In the porch I pulled on some outdoor shoes.
"It'll be muddy." I said. "Here, you can wear Mom's shoes,"
Mom had big feet. Her shoes were way too big for Angela. She laced them up gamely but she looked ridiculous.
"You study with Petey together?" She asked. "You're in Senior year."
"Yes. It's good to study together, and I can help him. Do you and Nate? Hardly, you're quite a few years ahead of him."
"Two years. I'm twenty four." She said. "I worked for a couple of years before going to school. And yes, I help him all the time. He finds some subjects ... challenging."
"But not you?" I asked. "Law is hard no matter how smart you are."
She tossed her perfect hair as the wind tried to push it into her eyes.
"It is. But I like it. Berkely is a dream come true for me. I won a major bursary to cover part of my fees."
"And you had savings? From your job?"
"Yes. And my parents help and I have a job in school."
"Doing what?"
"I help at the faculty creche. I have a qualification in child care."
I paused. We were behind the house now, where the hill sloped up. The old winery buildings were all around us. There were unused now, except as background for promotional images. They were on all the labels. I lead her towards the old press building, now a kind of museum.
"This is the original press." I said. The real pressing goes on at the plant over the hill. But it still works. We do a special vintage here every year but it's mothballed now."
It was hard to think of her working with toddlers. She was pretty but somehow now she seemed a little sad.
"Nate is going to fail his year." She said, her hand trailing along a stack of grape crates.
I just stared at her.
"I thought I could help. I helped him with his re-sits for pre-law. I know he didn't tell you about those. But he failed three exams and re-took them. But actual Law is a huge step up in workload and difficulty. I've tried but he's going to fail. He doesn't see it. He has this blind optimism. I want to help but I don't know what to do. I'm sorry. He told me that you always knew what to do. You're so clever and you know him better than anyone. What should I do? He doesn't want me to tell you. I begged him to tell your parents that he's struggling but he won't. Getting through Pre-law was probably a giant mistake. He. thinks he can do it again. I thought so too at first, but ..."
"... there is no hope. He is going to fail." I said.
Tears were coursing down her face. If this was an act it was a very good one.
"Can you talk to him? I know I'm dumping this on you but I don't know what else to do."
"You could have talked to my Mom."
"Should I? I thought, when I arrived. But she seems so ..."
I waited. I wanted to hear her say it, but she chickened it.
"... Well, you just seemed, more capable. And Nate talks about you all the time. He is in awe of you."
I snorted. "And then you see me jump on him like I'm a six year old."
"That was sweet. I know you love him. But maybe it's best he just finishes and fails. But if he switched now to something else he might be able to graduate."
"Or he could come home and help my Dad run the business. He will always have a job he can do here."
"Yes. Or that."
"But then you'd lose him. You have a year and a half to finish and then find a practice to XXX in. A long time apart."
She gave me a look. Her tears were genuine. But we understood each other.
"I want what's best for Nate." She said.
"You want me to talk to him?"
She nodded.
"And you'll agree to what I advise him to do?"
She nodded again.
"What if I advise him to dump your bony ass and find a better girlfriend?"
She twisted as if I'd slapped her but she just nodded again.
"He told me that you'd made him dump other girls. He. thinks it was for his own good. Maybe it was. Maybe being with me has been a bad thing for him. I prepared him so much for the pre-law exams. it was probably a bad idea. But it was so good helping him and I thought, if he can pass these, he can transfer more easily to some other course. I didn't realise he'd take it as confirmation he can finish law."
"And you love him soooo much you'd give him up if it's best for him. My choice?"
"Yes. But I don't think you'll say that. I know you love him. You wouldn't make a bad choice just to eliminate a rival"
A rival? Was that how she saw me?
"Okay." I said. "I'll talk to him. And then I'll probably talk to my parents. My Dad won't be back until tomorrow anyway."
"Thank you." She said, visibly relieved.
"Come on. I think I can see you don't care much about wine making."
She laughed. "Sorry. I think maybe you don't either. But can we walk back through the vines? You can see the valley, right?"
I walked behind her. She picked her way through the ruts, almost tripping in the loose shoes. Was I a total bitch? Perhaps. But Nate needed someone to look out for him.
Back home, Nate took Angela to see some of his friends. Mom was on the phone in her study with one of her charities. I settled in beside Petey again.
"I wondered if you might kill her and bury her out in the vineyard." He said.
"Don't be silly." I said. "Inappropriate girlfriends go in the pulper. I bury cheeky cousins in the vineyard."
"Nate came down and chatted when you were out." He said. "He's nice." He said he'd take me skeet shooting this evening."
I chuckled. "He is so bad at it. I beat him every time."
"He said that too. He said it would be good to have someone he can beat."
"Did he ask about your Dad?"
"Yes. How did you know he would? Nobody asks about him."
I shrugged. "I know Nate. He cares about family. Even a black sheep step-uncle."
"He offered to drive me to the pen. so I could visit."
"What did you say?"
"I said I'd think about it. I just...."
"What."
"I'd visit him if he was even a shred honest. But if I go there and he's all 'This is a miscarriage of justice, I'll get out and look after you properly Petey.', then I'll just puke."
I put my hand on his. "You don't have to go. Send Nate. He'll visit. It would all wash off him, and you could find out how he is and if he's changed even a bit."
"Maybe." He said. "That might be a good idea. Okay. Ask me anything about the Pacific War."
"Who spent four years studying Drama under MacArthur."
"I have no idea."
"Keep studying."
[Does Nate Visit black Dan? Where did that go?]
That afternoon, I asked Nate if he'd drive me to Napa to buy some books. He looked kind of hound-dog as we walked to his car. He knew I wanted to talk to him. And what about.
"She talked to you then?" He said as soon as we were moving.
"Yeah. But let's talk about something else, please." I said. "Tell me about her. Pretty serious if you're bringing her home to meet the folks."
"You don't like her." He said.
"No. I don't." I said. "There's so much to dislike. She's gorgeous, smart, tasteful, elegant. A brilliant academic mind. Kind, talented and generous. I'd happily strangle her."
He laughed. "I warned her about you."
"She told me. She might have been more afraid of me if I hadn't jumped on you in my pyjamas like Im a Disney TV movie."
"You'd be good in a Disney movie. The smart brat with the put-downs."
"And you'd be ...?"
"The love interest?"
"You'd be the human equivalent of Pluto Nate. You were born to it."
"I'm not stupid."
"No. You're not. You think she might be after your inheritance?"
"No. She loves me."
"You see how smart you are? How are you so sure?"
"When someone really loves you. You just know."
"Implying I've never had anyone love me."
"I love you Jessica."
"Apart from you. Or Rutger."
He sighed. "Rutger would have loved Angela."
"He was a Labrador Nate. They love everyone."
I carefully avoided talk about Berkely till we got to Napa. Nate idly wandered the aisles while I bought my books, then we went for a coffee.
"You didn't feel like getting anything yourself?" I asked.
He shrugged.
"Why do you want to be a Lawyer Nate?" I asked.
He cringed.
"It's a reasonable question. Come on."
"You know I don't actually want to practice law Jess. But a Law degree means something. I know I will end up running the business one day. I don't want to be just the owner's dim witted son. A law degree, from Berkely means something. It'll give me an understanding. Respect."
"How about an MBA then? That's more suitable for being the CEO of a large firm."
"I hate business. And anyway, I'm in Law now."
"You hate business. But you intend to take over from Dad. You know what he does, right? That's business."
"I know what he does. It doesn't have to be directly relevant to the job day-to-day."
I was ready for this. I took out my wallet. I flipped it open and showed him a picture.
"Who's that?" I asked.
He sighed. "Granpa Valet."
The picture showed our grandfather posing stiffly by the old Wine press, now a museum piece. He wore overalls. Sunburned. The house was just a ranch then,
"He didn't even have a high school diploma." I said. "But he knew wine. He knew vines. He knew farming. That's what we do Nate. Farm grapes. Turn them into wine. That's the point. We hire lawyers. We hire business people. We need a farmer, not a suit."
He looked wistful. He shook his head slowly.
"Look again." I said. "Look at the picture."
He took my wallet and studied the little sepia photograph.
"He has a dog. A Lab." He said.
"Every Summer in high school, you worked those fields. You drove the tractors. You helped with pressing. You tended. You sprayed. You stuck on labels. You went out in the morning with Rutger and you came in at dusk. Come home Nate. Be a Valet. Be like Grandpa. Know grapes. Know wine. Know vines. Our vines. The ones Grandpa planted. Plant your own. Get one of Rutger's pups."
He was still shaking his head.
"Berkely is three hours away. If she loves you she'll visit every weekend. In one year she'll need a job. Hire her. Marry her. Be your own man, not this career suit you've dreamt up."
"I don't want to give up." He said.
"Then don't. Switch to Agricultural science, viticulture. Go to the community college in the valley."
"Community college? No way. There's a viticulture degree in UCal."
"Is there?" I asked. Will they take a transfer from Berkely.
"I think so."
"It's up to you Nate. Talk it over with Angela. See what she says."
"I will. Sheesh. Community college. Seriously?"
He looked around. We'd finished our coffee.
"Come on. Let's go home." I said.
Back at the car, he said. "You played me."
"No. I lead you to the decision you'd already made. You know it's the right thing to do. You just needed an out."
"Do you think she loves me?" He asked as we exited the city.
"How would I know? I've never been loved. Except by Rutger. And he's dead."
As we came into the valley, Nate turned off the road to the Swinson's house. They were hands at the vineyard. Their Grandpa had worked for our Grandpa. I guessed what he was doing here.
"Nate." I said but he'd already got out of the car.
He was back in five minutes holding a yellow yearling Lab. One of Rutger's pups.
"You are so fucking literal." I said. "That was a metaphor. A symbol. I didn't mean get one right now, today."
"She's called Zinfandel." He said.
"Oh for fuck's sake She's ruining my dress." I fumed. Zinfandel was licking my face all over and standing on my lap with her mucky paws but Nate was already reversing out of the drive.
She leaped around all over the car as if going for a drive was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to her.
"Did you have to get the stupidest one?" I asked. "There were five of them."
"She took to me." Said Nate. "They were happy to be rid of her."
She was breathing her doggy breath down my neck, one paw on my shoulder.
"You don't say."
Back at the house Nate took Angela out to the patio to talk. Zinfandel loved Petey. She bounced around all over the house and back to him. It looked like she'd already forgotten the Swinsons.
"What are you thinking Nate?" Shouted Mom. "We can't have another dog. You won't be here to walk it. Don't think I will. Or Petey."
"I will." Said Petey. "I've never had a dog."
"Come on." I said to him. "Let's go get her some feed. The store will be open for another half hour."
In the car, Petey looked pleased with himself. "So, you sorted him out?"
"What do you know about it?" I asked.
"Talked to Angela. She is a big blabbermouth."
"For fuck's sake Petey? Do I have to tell you not to talk to strange women? I leave the house one time and you're getting pally with the woman I just told you was the enemy."
"Hey. You came back in this morning looking like that's all over. I thought ..."
"It's over when it's over Petey. Not before. And even if it was over, which it isn't, you still don't talk to women like Angela."
"What? She's a guest in your house. Your Brother's girlfriend. And Women like what? Smart? Pretty? And only last night you were talking about getting me a girlfriend."
"Bullshit!" I shouted. "She's not a guest. I didn't invite her. Women who are my enemy. She's may think she's my Brother's girlfriend but I decide that, not her. Or him, for that matter. And I was talking about a girlfriend, not some ... unknown quantity|"
He sat there fuming for a minute.
"You have to be in control of everything, don't you?"
"Yes. I do." I said. "Have we met? I'm Jessica Valet. Maybe you were thinking of some easy going person. Because that's not me. I sort things out. I keep people safe. I make bad things turn out good. And that requires a certain degree of control. Is that okay?"
He fumed more and stared out the window.
Finally, he said quietly. "Yes. It's okay. I know. She just wanted to talk. She was in a bit of a state. Your Mom is, well, not much help. She talked to me."
"I have made my feelings on this matter clear." I said. "Thank you for not saying sorry, since you're clearly not. You know I hate insincere apologies. And it's our house."
"Our house?"
"You said, 'a guest in your house'. It's your house too. Our house."
"Thanks. Can I call your Mom, Mom?"
"Please don't."
We were at the store. It was a farm produce store, not really a shop, but they sold dog feed in big forty pound sacks.
Inside we went to the till.
"Hey Clark." I said.
Clark Henderson was over seventy but he still ruled his store with an iron fist.
"Miss Jessica Valet. And all dressed up too. So pretty. You back to help out?"
"No." I laughed. "Nate brought home a dog. Looks like we're keeping her. Can we get a bag of feed?"
He rang it up and I paid in cash.
"One of Rutger's pups? Took her back from the Swinsons'?"
"Yeah. He misses Rutger. Looking good for a mild winter you think?"
"Too early to tell. Ask me in February." He said handing over change.
"The old jokes are the best." I said.
"Just as well, because old ones is all I got."
"This is Petey." I said.
"Ah. Black Dan's boy. Is it?" [Steve, but they called him Dan?]
"Sorta. Mr, Henderson." Said Petey. "Step son, But yes."
"Heard Black Dans boy was at the Valet's. Fallen on your feet there my boy. You stick with Missy Jessica. She's sharper than a knife and straighter too."
We said our goodbyes and left. Petey picked up the sack and I held the trunk open for him. He was stronger than he looked.
"You worked here?" He asked.
"Two Summers. I wanted to get away from the Vineyard. See the world. So I came two miles down the road. Learned a lot about the Valley."
"Black Dan." Said Petey, back in the car. "They really called him that."
"It didn't mean black, bad. At least, not at the start. He wore black everywhere. Like James Dean in Rebel without a cause. At least that's what I heard. And Black Steve didn't sound right. I think Black Dan was a comic strip character."
"And he knows everything that goes on."
I sighed. "Everyone knows everything here Petey. Our lives are a soap opera."
"You think he knows I'm wearing your panties?"
"Without a doubt. Clark sees all. Including visible panty line."
Back home we found that Mom had made up a room for Angela. Nate was flabbergasted. "Is she clueless?" He asked. I'm twenty one years old."
"And Angela is twenty four." I said. "Remember Mom's a Seventh Day Adventist girl at heart. No unmarried hanky panky in her house."
Thankfully, Angela and Nate's rooms were on the other corridor upstairs. In the older part of the house. So, if they did sneak around at night they wouldn't be bumping into me or Petey. I couldn't wait to go to bed. I wanted to be with him again.
I lay awake in the nightie I'd picked out. It was cotton but slinky. Sexy and demure. I knew he'd like me in it. I waited until I was sure everyone had gone to bed, but just as I was about to rise, there was a knock.
"Come in." I hissed. But it wasn't Petey. It was Angela. She stood there in a tee shirt and slippers.
"Is it okay? Were you expecting someone else?"
"No of course not. Come in. You want to talk?"
She came in and I indicated she should sit on the bed.
"I know we're not friends." She began. I snorted. "But anyway. I wanted to thank you. He's dropping out. To take up viticulture at the Community college. You knew that, right?"
"I put the seed in his mind." I said.
"How? How did you?"
I shook my head. "It's complicated. History. I just reminded him of who he is." [Garden back, more of Grandpa]
"Well. Okay. I know you didn't do this for me. Or you. You did it for him. But thank you anyway."
She glanced around.
Do you have a thing going with Petey?" She asked.
"What? The? Fuck?" I said. "Where do you get off Angela?"
She didn't react. Just looked around again. She seemed to have developed a resistance to me.
"You keep flicking your eyes to the door. You were clearly expecting someone else when you saw me. Who else would it be?"
"Nate? Maybe? We've been fucking since we were in middle school. Didn't you know? Why do you think I hate you so much?"
She gave me a withering look. "That's horrible." She said. "You swear when you're defensive."
She turned again. "He's outside. He came to the door. Heard our voices. Crept away. Now he's crept back again."
"What are you? Linda Carter? I don't hear anything."
"Who's Linda Carter?"
"Oh for pity's sake. The bionic woman. She had bionic hearing. She'd do this thing with her ear and hear whispers from a mile off."
I hopped out of bed and whipped the door open. He wasn't there. I turned to her.
She was grinning. "Thanks." She said "For the confirmation."
"Fuck off Angela." I fumed and kept holding the door for her
In the doorway, she paused. "This is all you, you know. I came here to say thank you. You seem to harbour some sort of grudge against me, but it's not mutual."
"Are you leaving or not?" I asked.
She smiled and left. I boiled with rage. She was under my skin and I wanted to scratch but she was right. She had done nothing I could get a grip of. I'd done what I did for Nate but her thanking me made me want to scream. He was mine. Not hers. And her insight with Petey was the last thing I wanted. She'd played me with the oldest trick in the book and I'd fallen for it But it was doubly my fault. When she'd sat down I'd been concerned Petey would knock. She'd seen my eyes, done the math and guessed correctly. But she could only be certain by testing me. I balled my fists. Where was he?
I counted to two hundred which did nothing to ease my temper. I reached to my dresser and then quietly went out and down the corridor.
He was sitting at his desk. "Oh hi." He said, smiling. "I'm drawing Zinfandel. Look."
Christ but he's clueless I thought.
Did you come down the corridor to my room earlier?" I asked.
"No. Of course not. I wanted to wait until I was certain everyone was asleep."
He was better at drawing animals than people. Zinfandel was lying on a sofa, peeping up with a hang-dog expression.
"It's good." I said.
"Why do you have your hairbrush?" He asked nervously.
"So you can brush my hair." I said. "I think it will relax me. Do you want to try?"
He did. I sat on the bed and instructed him, I could feel his pleasure in doing it. The intimacy. Enjoying my hair, me. I felt his warmth and my heart slowed a little.
"If I had come down the corridor earlier, would you be using the hairbrush on me?" He asked.
"Only if you agreed it was necessary." I said.
"Fuck." He breathed.
"Angela knows about us." I said.
"What?" He whispered. "About ... this?"
"Just that we have a 'Thing' as she put it. She came to my room. I thought it was you."
"Ah."
"What do you mean, 'Ah'?"
"You're mad at yourself for giving it away."
"Yes." I stared ahead. "Don't stop Petey. I like this. It's very relaxing."
"Do you want to use the hairbrush?"
"Hmmmm. No. It would make me feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. I think I'd enjoy it but I'd feel evil. More evil than usual."
He kept brushing.
"Do you want me to?" I asked.
He waited before replying. "I thought about it all day. I liked the idea. It seems so, sexy, I suppose. And it would hurt, but that's not really the point is it? So, I think yes, but not now? Maybe when I deserve it or when you really want to."
"Did you go into my room when I was out?"
"Yes."
"Show me."
He'd taken a stretchy cami top and a pair of boy shorts, also very stretchy. Baby blue.
"Sweet." I said. "I'd like to buy you things. Things you'd like."
The panties and cami were laid out on the bed.
"I haven't actually seen you wear anything girly yet, you know."
"Miss Jessica, can I ask you something which hopefully won't end with you using the hairbrush."
"I thought you wanted it?"
"I mean, I just don't want to make you mad."
"Try me." I said, holding up the cami for him.
"Okay. Do you ever think about girls? Ever?"
"This again?" I sighed. "Okay, maybe but not any more than anyone who tries to imagine what that's like."
"Its just, you want me to be feminine. I know. It's 99% me, but still. It's also you. And you and Angela. It looks a bit like ...,"
"Fuck you Petey." I said calmly. "Are you psychoanalysing me? A love/hate thing? Really? Wait. What exactly did Jade say to you."
"Nothing, Just that she was sure. But what does she know?"
"Nothing. Shut up about that okay? Put the panties on. The cami will look great on you by the way. Come on, pull them up. try to cover up that boner if you can."
He couldn't. It poked out the top of the waistband like a drowning man,. It looked delicious. Petey looked like he was in heaven.
"Did you try them on before?"
"No. I wanted to wait for you."
"I'm going to touch you. Don't freak out. Don't come and don't think this will be a regular thing. I just want to see how you feel."
I ran my hands over his chest. His belly. His ass and, a little bit over his bulging balls and cock. All through the soft fabric. Petey looked blissful. He felt amazing. It had been quite a while since I'd had any skin-on-skin contact with a boy. Even if this wasn't strictly skin to skin.
"Get into bed." I said. "I want to cuddle you."
We spooned. I ran my hands over him. I pressed my crotch into his ass. I felt his hair and his shoulders. I pulled him tight to me. It felt great.
"Mmm. I'd like to sleep like this." I murmured.
"Oh wow. That would be amazing." He said.
"You want me to touch your cock?"
"Only if you want to. I'm okay."
"Sure? I'm going slightly crazy here myself."
"It's just nice. This. Feeling you. You said before you wouldn't touch me."
"My rules. I get to break them."
I reached around and stroked him gently through the panties, then hucked them down with my fingers.
I wrapped my hand around it and stroked it slowly.
I felt his body stiffen. "Is it agony? Too slow?"
"Yes." He grunted.
"Good." I said and kissed the back of his neck.
"You imagine me and Angela together?" I asked.
"Fuck. No. That would be scary."
"Who?"
"Jade."
"Jade."
"Of course. Yes. But I'd never be with her. Too many issues. But her eyes. Right?
"Yeah."
I decided to tell him about Jade.
"One time. Last year. It wasn't a party, just people hanging out at someone's house. She and Karl went upstairs. We could hear them doing it upstairs."
"You get invited to more exciting parties than me."
"Wasn't a party, just maybe half a dozen of us at someone's house. Anyway. they come back down later. Karl leaves. There's banter. Stupid high school stuff. Teasing. She doesn't care. She sits down beside me on the sofa. She looks amazing. More amazing. Glowing. Well fucked, kinda out of it, from post-coital feelings."
"Yes? Your stories are amazing."
"It isn't a story. Anyway, she leans in to me and whispers. 'Sex just makes me more horny.'"
"Oh God Jessica."
I giggled. "Yeah. Is my hand sooo sloooow? Just wait. So I don't know what to say to that. I just said. "Okay, Right." or something and she leans in again and says 'Want to come upstairs with me?"
"No! You are making this up."
"Nope."
I moved my hand a fraction faster, letting my palm glide over the tip. I reached with my other hand and gripped his shoulder.
"Yes. And..?'" he insisted.
"And nothing, I didn't go, obviously."
"But you thought about it."
"Oh yeah. And since. Often. Her eyes. She looked like a demon. Scary and beautiful. So much passion, So intense. I haven't seen that since until your eyes yesterday."
I released him and rolled onto my back, pulled him over.
"Come on." I said. "It's time you learned how to do this." I pulled up my nightie and spread my legs, my soles together.
"You want me to lick you?" He said incredulous.
"No. Your fingers. Let's walk before we run, okay?"
"Right."
"This is what went wrong with whatshername. I bet. I'm about as horny and ready as anyone has ever been, but I still need some loosening up. Fingers is best. Put your arm behind my neck and look at my face. Let's do it by feel.
He did, nervously. It felt good. He was so gentle and unthreatening and pretty. Somehow the cami made him even sexier.
He felt around, too gentle. I guided his hand.
"Now. This isn't my first rodeo Petey. I tried to show a guy before, but he wasn't as receptive as I know you want to be. The key is that you need to build up. What's going to feel good later is too much at the start and what's good at the start is a waste of time later. Plus, it's not all just about the clitoris. The whole area needs some attention or you kinda wear it out. But later, yeah, it's all about the clit."
"Okay. I can imagine his impatience."
"Exactly and all he wanted was to stick it in me. But we know you're not going to get to do that, so we can take our time."
"Okay." He was feeling more. Still too gentle but he had good instincts. And my own hand helped, guiding him.
"And while manipulation is essential. For everyone it's the feelings. So for me, right now, feeling cuddled and close to my little Petey is really important. I want to hear how you feel about me. I want you to talk. But other times, or other girls, maybe something else. Maybe a spank. Or being called a slut. Or how much you love them, Or whatever. Girls are complicated. I'm very complicated."
"You are so much more special than Jade." He said. "More beautiful than Angela."
"Not them. You. Tell me how you feel about me."
"Brushing your hair was the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. I've never been loved by anyone like you. I've never loved anyone like I love you."
"No." I whispered.
"You haven't just made me a better person. You make me feel like I deserve it. You're stern and strict and powerful. Being with you is like being with fire. When you're mean and bitchy it feels wonderful. When I saw your hairbrush, I felt afraid but it was so exciting and I know you wouldn't hurt me. I'd submit to anything."
"I am a bitch."
"Queen bitch. All I want is to adore you."
I pushed his hand harder, arched my back. It was good. He'd do it for me. "Again." I moaned.
"Beautiful, ice cold, alpha bitch. All will fall down before you and obey you for your love."
He'd got me over the edge and I let go his hand. "More." I gasped. "Hard as you can. Punish it."
He went as hard and as fast as he could as I writhed. Straining to keep my eyes locked on his, showing him how I felt, what he'd done for me. I was gripping his hair tight in one hand, staring into his face, his head rocking a bit in my grip.
"Fuck Petey. Yes. Yes. Good boy. Very good."
He instinctively knew to slow his pace as I subsided and I melted into his arm again and stroked his face and his chest.
"Good, yeah. Very good. I think I've taught you well." I breathed. "That last bit was from Lord of the Rings, right? Took me out of it a bit."
"Sorry. Best I could come up with at short notice. Galadriel is beautiful and powerful though."
"She rejects the ring and fades into the West."
"Yeah. That's it. She goes to the land of ..."
"Shut up Petey." I said. "I'm kind of loved up here but a little Tolkien goes a long way. Now might be a good time to kiss me."
He did. It was nice. I felt warm and safe and loved. His cock, straining out of my boy shorts looked very inviting. I wanted him inside me. My orgasm was still subsiding but I still felt horny and greedy. I wanted to throw my leg over him and slide him inside me. Hug him close to me as I slid on it. Kiss him and tell him I loved him. Let him watch my breasts bounce for him.
But I didn't. I pulled him to a nipple and let him suck on it. I ran my hands over him and told how good he felt. I slid my hand, teasingly over his cock. Teasing myself as much as him.
"If I left you like this? Didn't let you come? Would you masturbate anyway when I was gone?"
"Not if you told me not to."
It was the truth.
"Okay." I said. "It's not a test. And it's not an order. But it's your choice Petey. I'm saying I'd prefer if you didn't. I'll ask you tomorrow. And there's no reward for this. Only respecting my wishes."
"Okay." He said. "You mean if I asked now. you'd let me?"
"Yes, of course."
"So it is a test."
"I suppose it's a test for yourself. You can choose to take it or not."
"But if I do it. I mean, don't do it, then that's respecting you. But if I don't, that's disrespecting you?"
"Yes. But there's no reward for doing it. Or punishment for not."
He looked at me, with maybe a hint of an accusation in his eyes.
"Passing is it's own reward. Failing is its own punishment."
"Yes. I'm offering you a kind of self discipline. But only you can choose to do it or not. If I put conditions on, you'd be doing it for me."
"And you want me to choose this for myself."
"Yes."
"Do you ever fail your own tests Jessica?"
This boy was maybe just a touch too perceptive. Already he'd picked apart my little scenario to reveal it's lesson. Now he was looking behind the curtain.
"All the time Petey. Do you have something in mind?"
"You lost your temper with Angela."
I shook my head. "That was a mistake, but not the same thing."
He looked away.
"Yeah. That's it. She goes to the land of ..."
"Shut up Petey." I said. "I'm kind of loved up here but a little Tolkien goes a long way. Now might be a good time to kiss me."
He did. It was nice. I felt warm and safe and loved. His cock, straining out of my boy shorts looked very inviting. I wanted him inside me. My orgasm was still subsiding but I still felt horny and greedy. I wanted to throw my leg over him and slide him inside me. Hug him close to me as I slid on it. Kiss him and tell him I loved him. Let him watch my breasts bounce for him.
But I didn't. I pulled him to a nipple and let him suck on it. I ran my hands over him and told how good he felt. I slid my hand, teasingly over his cock. Teasing myself as much as him.
"If I left you like this? Didn't let you come? Would you masturbate anyway when I was gone?"
"Not if you told me not to."
It was the truth.
"Okay." I said. "It's not a test. And it's not an order. But it's your choice Petey. I'm saying I'd prefer if you didn't. I'll ask you tomorrow. And there's no reward for this. Only respecting my wishes."
"Okay." He said. "You mean if I asked now. you'd let me?"
"Yes, of course."
"So it is a test."
"I suppose it's a test for yourself. You can choose to take it or not."
"But if I do it. I mean, don't do it, then that's respecting you. But if I don't, that's disrespecting you?"
"Yes. But there's no reward for doing it. Or punishment for not."
He looked at me, with maybe a hint of an accusation in his eyes.
"Passing is it's own reward. Failing is its own punishment."
"Yes. I'm offering you a kind of self discipline. But only you can choose to do it or not. If I put conditions on, you'd be doing it for me."
"And you want me to choose this for myself."
"Yes."
"Do you ever fail your own tests Jessica?"
This boy was maybe just a touch too perceptive. Already he'd picked apart my little scenario to reveal it's lesson. Now he was looking behind the curtain.
"All the time Petey. Do you have something in mind?"
"You lost your temper with Angela."
I shook my head. "That was a mistake, but not the same thing."
He looked away.
"You think about it." I said. "Dad comes home tomorrow. And we need to cool down a bit. I think Angela guessed about you and me because of how we are together. Little cues. I'm going to visit some friends. You should spend time with Dad and Nate."
"Why?"
I was almost relieved to see him get pouty. I wasn't sure if I preferred him smart or a dumb teenager.
"Man time, together. It'll be good for you. Dad loves the Vineyard. Ask to help. Get to know Nate."
He looked put out.
"I love Nate." I said. "And my Dad. I want you all to be friends. Be part of the family. Bond. Right now, you're like my pet. I love that. But it's not good for you all the time. Put on boots. Do man stuff together. Try to get the dog to behave."
"Don't wear panties."
"Fuck no. Wear the panties. You're still mine underneath."
He grinned and I tore myself away, though I longed to stay and kiss him more.
I gave him a smouldering look from the doorway and went quietly back to my room, half expecting Angela to be waiting for me.
I thought I would find it hard to sleep but as I snuggled into bed I thought about Petey, and Nate. Was I a good influence on them? I'd manipulated them both pretty hard in one day. But I thought of how Nate had looked when he'd decided to come home and how Petey had looked when I pulled the cami over his head. I made them happy, though it was hard, and wasn't anything worthwhile hard?
"Why?"
I was almost relieved to see him get pouty. I wasn't sure if I preferred him smart or a dumb teenager.
"Man time, together. It'll be good for you. Dad loves the Vineyard. Ask to help. Get to know Nate."
He looked put out.
"I love Nate." I said. "And my Dad. I want you all to be friends. Be part of the family. Bond. Right now, you're like my pet. I love that. But it's not good for you all the time. Put on boots. Do man stuff together. Try to get the dog to behave."
"Don't wear panties."
"Fuck no. Wear the panties. You're still mine underneath."
He grinned and I tore myself away, though I longed to stay and kiss him more.
I gave him a smouldering look from the doorway and went quietly back to my room, half expecting Angela to be waiting for me.
I thought I would find it hard to sleep but as I snuggled into bed I thought about Petey, and Nate. Was I a good influence on them? I'd manipulated them both pretty hard in one day. But I thought of how Nate had looked when he'd decided to come home and how Petey had looked when I pulled the cami over his head. I made them happy, though it was hard, and wasn't anything worthwhile hard?
I got up early as usual and dressed quickly. I was going to visit Sandy and Michelle, my two least ditsy friends. I'd promised to help them with SAT practice and it would be good to get away for a while. Mom had said she would take Angela out to lunch, which for Mom meant a brunch that could stretch into late afternoon, possibly including cocktails, so Angela wouldn't have much opportunity to push down further stakes in my absence. I hurried downstairs in a plaid dress and knee highs, my hair up.
Dad was already at the breakfast table.
I gave him a hug. He smelled of airport and slightly stale man sweat.
"I leave you guys alone for two days and you get a freaking dog?" He said. "I thought I left you in charge Jess."
"Don't Daddy. There's reasons. You'll see."
"Reasons? But did you have to get such a stupid one?"
"Sorry. Nate's choice. Is anyone else up?"
"Just your little schoolgirl." He said.
"Don't call him that, Daddy. He's trying very hard to catch up with his studies. Being tutored by a girl is bad enough. Will you take him around the estate today? With Nate? He wanted to shoot. Maybe you could let him drive a sprayer?"
He laughed. "You want to dose him with some manliness? Sure. I've hardly spoken with him in weeks. You keep him pretty close."
"Where is he?"
"Walking the dog. she jumped all over him when he came down and he took her out."
My Daddy was essentially a businessman who owned a wine production plant, but he liked to pretend he managed the vinyard side of the winery too. In reality it was just the backdrop to our home but he would talk to the workers, taste the grape pressings, and generally make a nuisance of himself in gumboots.
Since Petey had arrived, Dad had been extremely busy, buying another smaller vineyard further up the valley. He'd been away to complete the deal.
"Did they take the price?" I asked.
"Kinda. Yeah." He said "They took the money, but they added all kinds of clauses about retaining the brand and the workers. Sentimental stuff."
"And will you?" I asked.
He gave me a look, appraising me. It was an unstated assumption between us that I was a hard hearted bitch with no sentiment at all. The truth was, that he was the one with the heart of flint.
"I signed to say I would." He said. Which meant he would wriggle out of it legally.
Petey and the dog came in by the rear patio door.
"Petey!" He cried, wriggling out of our conversation. "She looks like she has more energy than before. How about I get changed and get a shower, and then we head over to the plant and take a look at the new plantings. Nate can join us with the shotguns when he finally wakes up. Probably boffing that girlfriend all night."
"They're in different rooms Dad. Mom's rules."
"Sheesh. He's twenty for Chrissake. What does she think he does at Berkley?"
He headed off ,and I got a look at Petey. I was pleased to see he looked tense and agitated.
"I didn't." He whispered, when Dad was gone.
"I can tell." I said, feeling smug. "And I know I said no reward, and there isn't one. But are you glad you didn't?"
"I was till I saw you."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I woke up early full of energy and I came down and had breakfast and chatted to your Dad, went out with Zin - it's lovely out there by the way - and I felt good, but now, all I can think of is jerking off."
"I'm fully dressed, having my breakfast! How can you possibly want to ..."
"You always look amazing, and anyway, doesn't matter, you could wear anything and just seeing you .."
"Well you won't have any more temptation as I'm going out straight away. You should spend some time with Dad and Nate."
"I will. I'm just going to do some studying until Nate gets up. Where are you going anyway?"
I told him. At school Sandy, Michelle and I would buddy up in the study hall. They wanted to do SAT practice and I already had a head start so I'd promised to help them a couple of times during the break.
-------------
[There's a Skip ahead]
-------------
Jade is there too.
Sandy was gazing at Jade. Jade was looking at her phone. They were losing concentration again.
I sighed. Girls at my age could focus on study for two hours, two and half at most, unless they had practiced and worked at it like I had. I sighed and Sandy glanced at me.
I shrugged and closed over my book.
She took this as a signal that I'd allowed her to clock off. They naturally looked to me in this role, almost like a parent or a teacher. They had so little self discipline that they just gravitated to the nearest authority figure.
"Jade." Said Sandy. "How did you start going out with Russel?"
She grunted, without looking up from her phone. "Will Wallace's seventeenth birthday."
"No." Said Sandy firmly. "I mean, how. You said you decided. But you didn't just grab him. How did you "Get him." exactly."
"Exactly?" Said Jade, looking up. "You want to know ... exactly ...?"
Sandy had never had a guy. She was pretty and clever and funny. But she'd never had a boyfriend. She was just one of those girls. It was hard to explain in words. But anyone looking at them could see that Jade would 'get' guys and Sandy would not. At least not yet.
"You want advice, Sandy?" Asked Jade. "Is there a particular guy you want to snag?"
"Maybe." Said Sandy, rocking back in her chair. "Maybe not. But I'd like to know how, if there was a guy and there is a way."
"Just fucking let him know you'll go with him." Said Michelle, a little bitterly.
"Okay. Say I want to do that? I don't care if it makes me look desperate. How do I even do that?"
"Don't do that." Said Jade quickly.
"Why not? What if I fucking want to? With a guy. Any guy."
"Just don't." Said Jade. "Trust me."
"Is there a guy Sandy?" I asked.
"No. Maybe. It's not about him. I just want ..."
She trailed off. "Anyone?" Said Jade.
"Yeah, anyone." Said Sandy. "I just .. I just want to know how."
Jade glanced at me. She and I were the only ones who had some sexual experience. Jade had had more than her share of bad boyfriend experiences. Me, not so much. But she knew that I also knew that someone like Sandy was a potential emotional casualty of boy's thoughtlessness and general assholery.
"You see Sandy." Said Jade. "It depends on the guy. What worked for me and Russel isn't what would work for you and some other guy. Tell me who you would put at the top of your list and I'll tell you what might work. Be honest."
Jade wasn't usually so frank or open. This little speech seemed heartfelt. But Jade could be a giant bitch too.
Sandy glanced at me. I nodded.
"Artie Delany?" She said, cringing a little. As if we were thirteen and naming boys we liked and giggling.
"No." Said Jade. "Next."
"Hey, are you censoring my choices?" Cried Sandy. "What is this?"
"Do you trust us to give you advice?" I asked. "Trust me on this. He's an asshole."
"For what it's worth. Just giving him some side eye at a party would be enough Sandy. Do you want your first time to be a humiliating experience that leaves you feeling worthless? It'd be easy, but horrible. Next one. Be honest. Don't censor yourself."
Sandy looked from Jade to me. She looked like she wished she hadn't started this. Jade had made it a bit too real. But of course, that was her intention.
"Lance Feinman." She said quietly.
"Who?" Said Jade. "Is he in school?"
"He's a junior." I said. "Isn't he your brother's friend?"
Sandy looked embarrassed. "You said be honest. Don't be mean. He's seventeen.
"And he's in your brother's year? Is he simple?" Said Jade.
He wasn't simple. He'd had glandular fever in eighth grade and been off school for a year. I knew him to see. He was heavy, but not fat. He was pretty smart. Nerdy, but confident. He seemed not to mind having been held back a year. It made him the coolest kid in his class. Older, a smartass. They looked up to him and he found school easy.
"Why him?" I asked. "What is it about him?"
"I dunno." Squirmed Sandy. "I just ... I know he's chubby but I kinda like that and he's really funny."
"I don't think he's good enough for you." I said. "You're dropping your standard too low. Can I suggest someone? Philip Steadman."
"Oooh." Said Jade. "Good one."
Sandy looked at me strangely. "Philip Steadman." She said, forming a picture in her mind.
Steadman was smart. Also, slightly heavy. Very serious. He was taking advanced classes in physics. He had the confidence to bring a telescope to school for a physics project and not get bullied. He was nerdy enough to not even be considered a potential boyfriend. Too intimidatingly smart.
I knew him pretty well. We took a couple of classes together. He had a nine year old sister with Downe's and on Fridays her school did late sports and she would be dpopped off to our school and so Philip could gave her a lift home. He would sit her in his class beside him for a while till he was ready to go. She would look at him with adoration as she did her colouring. When it was time to go, he would take her little hand and they would walk out together.
"I dunno." Said Sandy. "He's kinda ... I dunno. It's hard to picture it."
"Hard to picture fucking him, or hard to picture him being interested in girls?" Asked Jade.
"Fuck you Jade." Said Sandy.
Jade just grinned at her.
"Well Jade?" I asked, ignoring this. "I presume you approve of him, so how should Sandy approach the giant brain?"
She rocked back now. "Gee. That's a toughie. He's so ... intense. Fuck. I don't know. Come on Jess. You're, like his friend, almost. What would you do?"
"I'd do the same as Sandy should do. Don't play him. Just be totally honest and open. Tell him you like him. Ask him on a date. On the date, do the things. Touch his arm. Ask him about himself. His life. Tell him you like him. At the end of the date, kiss him. He won't do it on his own, but he'll like it. Put his arms around your waist. Lead him, gently. You'll have to make all the running. But he'll follow. But don't pretend. Don't expect him to lead, at least until you get him into bed."
"Fuck." Said Michelle. "What kind of advice is that?"
Jade gazed at me, witheringly. "It's not exactly passionate. You want to treat him like a child."
"He's not a child. He's just uncomplicated." I said. "Not every relationship has to to be a tempest of drama and passion."
"What if she says no? To the date?" Said Sandy.
"He won't." I said. "And you need to listen. Tell him you like him first. Then ask for the date. Spell it out."
"You'll also need to explain sex." Said Jade. "Bring a diagram."
I shook my head. "No. She won't. He's not a robot. As soon as he realises you're serious. You're not playing, he'll come around. When you touch him. He'll get it. Your only problem is that he will fall in love with you. As soon as he smells you up close, feels your warmth, he'll be yours."
Sandy's mouth was hanging open. She looked to Jade.
She shrugged. "Jess don't lie." She said.
"Do you like him Jess?" Asked Sandy.
"He's not for me." I said. "I don't want drama. But I do want passion."
"Do you?" Said Jade. "You're a fucking mystery Jess. You only go with guys from outside school and you only fuck them, no boyfriend. No-one gets close to you. Passion? You're the most dispassionate person I know."
"That's not what dispassionate means." I said.
"Aaaaaagh." Jade shouted in rage. "I fucking know that! Couldn't you just leave it? You always have to be fucking .... instructing everyone all the time. This! This fucking study afternoon! It's all so you can show how fucking superior you are! You can't even talk to Sandy about boys without turning it into a Jessica Valet Lesson in Bloodless Lack of Romance!"
She'd stood up to rant at me. I flinched away and she looked away too.
"Sorry." She said quietly. "Maybe this isn't for me." She grabbed up her books and hurried out, only pausing to turn in the doorway. "Sorry. I didn't mean that. Sorry Michelle. Thanks for inviting me. It was nice, actually."
Michell and Sandy were a bit wide eyed.
I gathered my own stuff. "I'll go after her." I said. "It's okay. It was nice Michelle. Thanks. Sandy, I meant it about Philip. He would be good to you and he's not bloodless. He's actually a very nice person. I meant it about telling him you like him though. He won't believe it unless you mean it. You are so pretty and perfect, he won't think you even know who he is."
I hurried out. In the car I wondered which way Jade would have gone. I wasn't sure of her address, though I knew she lived nearby. I drove around the block slowly and then I saw her. As I pulled in in front of her, she was turning in to a driveway.
I hopped out and she saw me.
"Is this your house?" I asked. "I wanted to say sorry. I didn't want us to end badly."
She ran her hands through her hair.
"Oh. You don't have to say sorry. It was me. And anyway, what does it matter. Just an emotional outburst from the over-emotional mess. I'd be over it by the next time you see me."
"Is there anyone home?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Probably not. My mom is showing houses. Kenny is in UCLA."
Her Dad hadn't been on the scene in a long time.
"Can I come in?" I asked.
She shrugged and we went in together.
Her house was huge. Beverly Hills huge. Her Mom sold real estate. Nothing less than a couple of million starting price. The lobby looked like a film set. Maybe a high class porno film set.
Jess dropped her books on a table inside the door.
"Mom!" She yelled. "MOM?"
The house was empty.
"Want a coffee?" Asked Jade, looking very vulnerable and shy for once.
"No." I said. "Is it too late to take you up on your offer?"
"My offer?"
"To go upstairs with you." I said.
"Jess?" She said. She looked surprised and unsure.
I leaned in and kissed her. She kind of jerked away, but I followed her with my mouth, and I put my arms around her and she responded, and then her lips slid wetly over mine and her tongue, surprisingly long, probed into my mouth and I pulled her tighter to me, felling her belt buckle press on my belly and her bare thigh brushing over mine.
She felt incredible. Warm and soft and slightly trembly.
"Would Russel freak out?" I asked. "I don't want to break you guys up.
"Only that he missed it." Said Jade."I'll tell him. Is that okay? He won't tell anyone. He's surprisingly good that way."
"I know. Because he loves you." I said.
"Yeah." She giggled. "Boys are weird. If I went with another guy, Jesus. He'd be so hurt. But a girl. Not just okay, hot."
"It is, kinda." I said and kissed her again, letting my hands roam over her back and pressing my crotch into hers.
"And Petey?" She whispered. "Don't bullshit me Jess. I see how you two are. I watch you all the time."
"It's complicated." I said. "But I'll be telling him about this too, if that's okay."
"Oh God. He'll stare at me even more now."
"Is that so bad?" I asked.
"Forget the boys." Said Jade. "Come on. I want to kiss you on my bed."
It was quite a distance up the stairs and down a corridor to her room. She held my hand the whole way, looking back over her shoulder and laughing. I liked her holding my hand.
Her room was huge, and a horrible mess. Clothes covered the floor, every dresser and desk was overflowing with books and records and junk. The heavy curtains were drawn and there was a funk of weed.
"Oh, right. Don't judge." Said Jade. "This is what I'm like."
I put my arms around her quickly. "I'd expect nothing less." I said and went in for a kiss again.
"I'm sorry I turned you down at that party." I said. "And then I just left. It was thoughtless. And you were right, I did want to, I just didn't want to admit it."
"I've always wanted you." Said Jade. "You look like a stuck up preppy bitch, but you're so badass, and you're also so kind and thoughtful. You just gave Sandy the best advice she'll ever have and she doesn't even know it. I just, I just want to see you when you lose some fucking control."
Her hands were around my back and I reached behind and pushed them to my ass.
"Why don't you make me? Bad girl." I teased and she pulled up the hem of my dress and felt my ass through the pantyhose, pulling me to her and grinding on me. She felt so good. All the teasing and denial with Petey had been so exciting but I wanted this so badly now. I wanted to feel her skin on mine, feel something more physical.
"Pull down my zip, please." I moaned and she almost tore it from me. She unbuckled her belt, and while she hopped from one foot to the other pulling them off I crossed to the bed and threw the clothes, shoes and chip wrappers from the duvet onto the floor.
"Hey, don't make a mess." She said, laughing and I pulled up the duvet to lie on it.
"Don't you want to get in" She asked. "It's clean. I promise."
"No. I want to see you. I want you to see me." I said, reaching for her.
She threw away her bra and scampered onto the bed in just her panties and the heavy necklace she always wore.
She lay down beside me, excited and happy. I smiled. It felt so good to make her so happy. I let my legs fall open.
"Aren't you going to take off your pantyhose?" She asked.
"I want you to take it off me Jade, please."
"Fuck yeah." She kissed me and ran her free hand over my belly, sliding under the band and over my my pussy.
"Mmmmh." I moaned to her. "Oh, I love your hand on me. You've done this before."
"Oh yeah. With Claire and Tracy. usually with Russsel there too."
"Do you let them, together?"
"Russel and the girls? No. They're like, vag-only. You've never been with a girl till now?"
"Nope. Sorry I'm so boring."
"Oh, you're not boring." Said Jade. "I love being your first."
She wanted to get straight to eating me out but I wanted more from her first.
I got her to cradle my head in her arm while she fingered me and then I did the same for her. She loved it. I kissed her and told her how beautiful she was. She confessed to loving me but it was the sex talking. She sucked on my nipples and we ground our pussies together.
"You'll tell Petey about this." She groaned.
"Yeah. So he can wank over it." I said.
"Jesus. Seriously?"
"I love him, but we don't have sex. Not in me. I like teasing him. He likes it too."
"Fucking hell Jessica. You're more perverted than I thought."
I stroked her face. Her hand was making me feel wonderful. I loved feeling her legs wrapped around mine, her bush rasping on my hip bone.
"It's not perverted." I said. "It's lovely. He adores me. I like doing it for him."
"I know what you mean. Russel would rather I be stern and bitchy with him all the time, though he doesn't like to admit it. But sometimes I just want to be fucked."
"Mmm. Stern and bitchy. I like the idea of that."
Her hand slowed. "Oh my God Jess, I couldn't do that with you. You're too intimidating."
I grinned and put the knuckle of my index finger between my teeth.
I fluttered my eyelashes at her but she just laughed.
"Sorry baby. You can try but you'll always be a forbidding ice queen."
I rolled over and thrust my hand between her legs. I propped myself on one elbow and caught a fistful of the hair on the back of her head, bending her neck back.
She gasped and struggled.
"Did I tell you to stop, bitch." I growled.
Her eyes rolled in pleasure and submission and she resumed thrumming her fingers on me.
"This is what you want, huh? To be opened up and fucked? Keep your legs wide, little Katie."
She gasped again, eyes wide, no pretence now.
Jade wasn't really Jade's name. She'd changed it when she went to high school. She thought Jade was cooler than her actual name. But I'd known her since she was in little pink dresses in kindergarten.
I was just six months older, but even when we were little, she'd followed me around, wanting to do whatever Jessica did. She'd worshipped me.
"Yes. Oh yes." She whined.
"Tell Jessica what you want." I hissed.
"I want to be yours, please."
"You'll always be mine." I growled. "My pretty little Katie."
I sped up my hand, feeling her shudder and I ground my lips against hers, feeling her slick mouth with my tongue and gripping hard on her beautiful hair. I felt her buck and rear beneath me and her eyes rolled around, her chest turning pink and her face flushed and dark.
Her hand between my legs was flopping and weak but I didn't care. I loved seeing her orgasm, wondering if this was how she was with Russel and her two friends.
As she subsided I rolled her on top of me and gently guided her head between my legs. She lapped and ground her tongue against me, looking up with those incredible eyes. I stroked her hair and cooed gently to her.
"Goo girl. Oh you're so sweet. I love your tongue on me."
She was so good at this, probably a lot of practice. I felt the heat suffuse from my clit and a gentle orgasm rolled through me, my fingers threaded through her hair again and I pressed her face firmly between my spread legs.
I pulled her up and up till we were face to face, boob to boob. She was so light. I hugged her and kissed her and she laughed and gasped.
It was three o clock, but we lay together, Jade curled up in the crook of my arm.
"You encourage him to wank over you?" She asked.
"Uh huh. But it goes without saying..."
She put her fingers to her lips. She wouldn't tell.
"He is so cute." She said. "I'd do him. But I think I'd just want to fuck him. He's not your real brother."
"It's not that. And he's not even my real cousin." I said."But I like him worshipping me. It's a power thing. But I wouldn't do it unless he liked it too."
"Hmmm. You know any boy would do anything for you. It's not a real moral test."
"I don't think I'm doing him any harm." I said quietly.
"I'm not saying you are. Just remember you're driving him crazy with lust for your own enjoyment."
"It is very enjoyable." I said.
"And if you're not totally together, does that mean you could be open to the idea of doing this again with me and Russel?"
I rolled my eyes. "Geez. I don't know Jade. Russel's nice and all but I don't know if I want to fuck him, even with you there too."
"Me and him and me and you?"
I hesitated.
"Me and you and you and Petey? Me and Petey and ..."
"No. Not that. He's mine, sorry. He told me about some girl from a year ago in Minnesota and I hate her already."
"Oh. You have it bad, you jealous bitch."
"I told you. I'm not an ice queen. Sometimes I'm an evil stepsister. Other times, I'm a needy little slut."
Jade laughed. "And sometimes you're my ice queen."
"That is new." I admitted. "Fuck. I have to get back. I don't want to leave him alone with Nate's girlfriend."
"Woah! He brought a girl home? Your Nate?"
"Yes and I'm locked in a bitch-war with her. Which I plan to win."
I was pulling on my panties and hose. My dress was tossed in the corner.
Jade watched me dress, making no move to join me. She looked stunning naked. Her tattoos and piercings somehow made her look all the more innocent.
I stepped into my heels and noticed something on the floor.
I picked it up, a black satin choker with diamante studs. A ring in the front made it even more fetishy.
"Can I borrow this?" I asked.
"Sure." She said, grinning. "You going to wear it for him? When you tell him about this?"
"I was more thinking ..."
Jade's expression changed, wondering then, realisation.
"Ooooh. You kinky bitch. Do you make him wear your clothes?"
"It's more a question of allowing. Is it okay?"
Her hand snaked down to her pussy again. "If it's okay that I rub one out imaging him wearing it."
I gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Don't wear out that pussy." I said. "I want it nice and fresh for next time. And please. Clean up your room."
I let myself out, the lobby echoing my heels on the tiled floor.
All the way home I curse myself. How had I let that slip out? I was trying to impress her. How I'd wrapped Petey around my fingers. I still thought of Jade as cool and edgy and I'd wanted to show her how much cooler and edgier I was than her. "Stupid! Selfish! Bitch!" I shouted at myself as I gunned the car up the valley.
I was home in time to head off Angela. She and Mom still weren't home from their lunch. Mom was probably dragging out her second cocktail and boring Angela to tears about homelessness.
Nate, Dad and Petey were in the kitchen, preparing some kind of barbecue meal. It looked chaotic and the meat-to-vegetable ratio was in excess of nine to one.
They had all impressed the shit out of each other with their manliness. Skeet had been shot. Machinery had been driven and boots had been worn. Now, they were making the manliest of all meal, the barbeque. I regarded their chaotic cooking efforts with disdain.
"Will this be some kind of buffet ... ?" I asked.
"Yes. Eventually." Said Nate. "We've invited Gary and Pierre and some of the guys over."
"Petey!" He cried, wriggling out of our conversation. "She looks like she has more energy than before. How about I get changed and get a shower, and then we head over to the plant and take a look at the new plantings. Nate can join us with the shotguns when he finally wakes up. Probably boffing that girlfriend all night."
"They're in different rooms Dad. Mom's rules."
"Sheesh. He's twenty for Chrissake. What does she think he does at Berkley?"
He headed off ,and I got a look at Petey. I was pleased to see he looked tense and agitated.
"I didn't." He whispered, when Dad was gone.
"I can tell." I said, feeling smug. "And I know I said no reward, and there isn't one. But are you glad you didn't?"
"I was till I saw you."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I woke up early full of energy and I came down and had breakfast and chatted to your Dad, went out with Zin - it's lovely out there by the way - and I felt good, but now, all I can think of is jerking off."
"I'm fully dressed, having my breakfast! How can you possibly want to ..."
"You always look amazing, and anyway, doesn't matter, you could wear anything and just seeing you .."
"Well you won't have any more temptation as I'm going out straight away. You should spend some time with Dad and Nate."
"I will. I'm just going to do some studying until Nate gets up. Where are you going anyway?"
I told him. At school Sandy, Michelle and I would buddy up in the study hall. They wanted to do SAT practice and I already had a head start so I'd promised to help them a couple of times during the break.
-------------
[There's a Skip ahead]
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Jade is there too.
Sandy was gazing at Jade. Jade was looking at her phone. They were losing concentration again.
I sighed. Girls at my age could focus on study for two hours, two and half at most, unless they had practiced and worked at it like I had. I sighed and Sandy glanced at me.
I shrugged and closed over my book.
She took this as a signal that I'd allowed her to clock off. They naturally looked to me in this role, almost like a parent or a teacher. They had so little self discipline that they just gravitated to the nearest authority figure.
"Jade." Said Sandy. "How did you start going out with Russel?"
She grunted, without looking up from her phone. "Will Wallace's seventeenth birthday."
"No." Said Sandy firmly. "I mean, how. You said you decided. But you didn't just grab him. How did you "Get him." exactly."
"Exactly?" Said Jade, looking up. "You want to know ... exactly ...?"
Sandy had never had a guy. She was pretty and clever and funny. But she'd never had a boyfriend. She was just one of those girls. It was hard to explain in words. But anyone looking at them could see that Jade would 'get' guys and Sandy would not. At least not yet.
"You want advice, Sandy?" Asked Jade. "Is there a particular guy you want to snag?"
"Maybe." Said Sandy, rocking back in her chair. "Maybe not. But I'd like to know how, if there was a guy and there is a way."
"Just fucking let him know you'll go with him." Said Michelle, a little bitterly.
"Okay. Say I want to do that? I don't care if it makes me look desperate. How do I even do that?"
"Don't do that." Said Jade quickly.
"Why not? What if I fucking want to? With a guy. Any guy."
"Just don't." Said Jade. "Trust me."
"Is there a guy Sandy?" I asked.
"No. Maybe. It's not about him. I just want ..."
She trailed off. "Anyone?" Said Jade.
"Yeah, anyone." Said Sandy. "I just .. I just want to know how."
Jade glanced at me. She and I were the only ones who had some sexual experience. Jade had had more than her share of bad boyfriend experiences. Me, not so much. But she knew that I also knew that someone like Sandy was a potential emotional casualty of boy's thoughtlessness and general assholery.
"You see Sandy." Said Jade. "It depends on the guy. What worked for me and Russel isn't what would work for you and some other guy. Tell me who you would put at the top of your list and I'll tell you what might work. Be honest."
Jade wasn't usually so frank or open. This little speech seemed heartfelt. But Jade could be a giant bitch too.
Sandy glanced at me. I nodded.
"Artie Delany?" She said, cringing a little. As if we were thirteen and naming boys we liked and giggling.
"No." Said Jade. "Next."
"Hey, are you censoring my choices?" Cried Sandy. "What is this?"
"Do you trust us to give you advice?" I asked. "Trust me on this. He's an asshole."
"For what it's worth. Just giving him some side eye at a party would be enough Sandy. Do you want your first time to be a humiliating experience that leaves you feeling worthless? It'd be easy, but horrible. Next one. Be honest. Don't censor yourself."
Sandy looked from Jade to me. She looked like she wished she hadn't started this. Jade had made it a bit too real. But of course, that was her intention.
"Lance Feinman." She said quietly.
"Who?" Said Jade. "Is he in school?"
"He's a junior." I said. "Isn't he your brother's friend?"
Sandy looked embarrassed. "You said be honest. Don't be mean. He's seventeen.
"And he's in your brother's year? Is he simple?" Said Jade.
He wasn't simple. He'd had glandular fever in eighth grade and been off school for a year. I knew him to see. He was heavy, but not fat. He was pretty smart. Nerdy, but confident. He seemed not to mind having been held back a year. It made him the coolest kid in his class. Older, a smartass. They looked up to him and he found school easy.
"Why him?" I asked. "What is it about him?"
"I dunno." Squirmed Sandy. "I just ... I know he's chubby but I kinda like that and he's really funny."
"I don't think he's good enough for you." I said. "You're dropping your standard too low. Can I suggest someone? Philip Steadman."
"Oooh." Said Jade. "Good one."
Sandy looked at me strangely. "Philip Steadman." She said, forming a picture in her mind.
Steadman was smart. Also, slightly heavy. Very serious. He was taking advanced classes in physics. He had the confidence to bring a telescope to school for a physics project and not get bullied. He was nerdy enough to not even be considered a potential boyfriend. Too intimidatingly smart.
I knew him pretty well. We took a couple of classes together. He had a nine year old sister with Downe's and on Fridays her school did late sports and she would be dpopped off to our school and so Philip could gave her a lift home. He would sit her in his class beside him for a while till he was ready to go. She would look at him with adoration as she did her colouring. When it was time to go, he would take her little hand and they would walk out together.
"I dunno." Said Sandy. "He's kinda ... I dunno. It's hard to picture it."
"Hard to picture fucking him, or hard to picture him being interested in girls?" Asked Jade.
"Fuck you Jade." Said Sandy.
Jade just grinned at her.
"Well Jade?" I asked, ignoring this. "I presume you approve of him, so how should Sandy approach the giant brain?"
She rocked back now. "Gee. That's a toughie. He's so ... intense. Fuck. I don't know. Come on Jess. You're, like his friend, almost. What would you do?"
"I'd do the same as Sandy should do. Don't play him. Just be totally honest and open. Tell him you like him. Ask him on a date. On the date, do the things. Touch his arm. Ask him about himself. His life. Tell him you like him. At the end of the date, kiss him. He won't do it on his own, but he'll like it. Put his arms around your waist. Lead him, gently. You'll have to make all the running. But he'll follow. But don't pretend. Don't expect him to lead, at least until you get him into bed."
"Fuck." Said Michelle. "What kind of advice is that?"
Jade gazed at me, witheringly. "It's not exactly passionate. You want to treat him like a child."
"He's not a child. He's just uncomplicated." I said. "Not every relationship has to to be a tempest of drama and passion."
"What if she says no? To the date?" Said Sandy.
"He won't." I said. "And you need to listen. Tell him you like him first. Then ask for the date. Spell it out."
"You'll also need to explain sex." Said Jade. "Bring a diagram."
I shook my head. "No. She won't. He's not a robot. As soon as he realises you're serious. You're not playing, he'll come around. When you touch him. He'll get it. Your only problem is that he will fall in love with you. As soon as he smells you up close, feels your warmth, he'll be yours."
Sandy's mouth was hanging open. She looked to Jade.
She shrugged. "Jess don't lie." She said.
"Do you like him Jess?" Asked Sandy.
"He's not for me." I said. "I don't want drama. But I do want passion."
"Do you?" Said Jade. "You're a fucking mystery Jess. You only go with guys from outside school and you only fuck them, no boyfriend. No-one gets close to you. Passion? You're the most dispassionate person I know."
"That's not what dispassionate means." I said.
"Aaaaaagh." Jade shouted in rage. "I fucking know that! Couldn't you just leave it? You always have to be fucking .... instructing everyone all the time. This! This fucking study afternoon! It's all so you can show how fucking superior you are! You can't even talk to Sandy about boys without turning it into a Jessica Valet Lesson in Bloodless Lack of Romance!"
She'd stood up to rant at me. I flinched away and she looked away too.
"Sorry." She said quietly. "Maybe this isn't for me." She grabbed up her books and hurried out, only pausing to turn in the doorway. "Sorry. I didn't mean that. Sorry Michelle. Thanks for inviting me. It was nice, actually."
Michell and Sandy were a bit wide eyed.
I gathered my own stuff. "I'll go after her." I said. "It's okay. It was nice Michelle. Thanks. Sandy, I meant it about Philip. He would be good to you and he's not bloodless. He's actually a very nice person. I meant it about telling him you like him though. He won't believe it unless you mean it. You are so pretty and perfect, he won't think you even know who he is."
I hurried out. In the car I wondered which way Jade would have gone. I wasn't sure of her address, though I knew she lived nearby. I drove around the block slowly and then I saw her. As I pulled in in front of her, she was turning in to a driveway.
I hopped out and she saw me.
"Is this your house?" I asked. "I wanted to say sorry. I didn't want us to end badly."
She ran her hands through her hair.
"Oh. You don't have to say sorry. It was me. And anyway, what does it matter. Just an emotional outburst from the over-emotional mess. I'd be over it by the next time you see me."
"Is there anyone home?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Probably not. My mom is showing houses. Kenny is in UCLA."
Her Dad hadn't been on the scene in a long time.
"Can I come in?" I asked.
She shrugged and we went in together.
Her house was huge. Beverly Hills huge. Her Mom sold real estate. Nothing less than a couple of million starting price. The lobby looked like a film set. Maybe a high class porno film set.
Jess dropped her books on a table inside the door.
"Mom!" She yelled. "MOM?"
The house was empty.
"Want a coffee?" Asked Jade, looking very vulnerable and shy for once.
"No." I said. "Is it too late to take you up on your offer?"
"My offer?"
"To go upstairs with you." I said.
"Jess?" She said. She looked surprised and unsure.
I leaned in and kissed her. She kind of jerked away, but I followed her with my mouth, and I put my arms around her and she responded, and then her lips slid wetly over mine and her tongue, surprisingly long, probed into my mouth and I pulled her tighter to me, felling her belt buckle press on my belly and her bare thigh brushing over mine.
She felt incredible. Warm and soft and slightly trembly.
"Would Russel freak out?" I asked. "I don't want to break you guys up.
"Only that he missed it." Said Jade."I'll tell him. Is that okay? He won't tell anyone. He's surprisingly good that way."
"I know. Because he loves you." I said.
"Yeah." She giggled. "Boys are weird. If I went with another guy, Jesus. He'd be so hurt. But a girl. Not just okay, hot."
"It is, kinda." I said and kissed her again, letting my hands roam over her back and pressing my crotch into hers.
"And Petey?" She whispered. "Don't bullshit me Jess. I see how you two are. I watch you all the time."
"It's complicated." I said. "But I'll be telling him about this too, if that's okay."
"Oh God. He'll stare at me even more now."
"Is that so bad?" I asked.
"Forget the boys." Said Jade. "Come on. I want to kiss you on my bed."
It was quite a distance up the stairs and down a corridor to her room. She held my hand the whole way, looking back over her shoulder and laughing. I liked her holding my hand.
Her room was huge, and a horrible mess. Clothes covered the floor, every dresser and desk was overflowing with books and records and junk. The heavy curtains were drawn and there was a funk of weed.
"Oh, right. Don't judge." Said Jade. "This is what I'm like."
I put my arms around her quickly. "I'd expect nothing less." I said and went in for a kiss again.
"I'm sorry I turned you down at that party." I said. "And then I just left. It was thoughtless. And you were right, I did want to, I just didn't want to admit it."
"I've always wanted you." Said Jade. "You look like a stuck up preppy bitch, but you're so badass, and you're also so kind and thoughtful. You just gave Sandy the best advice she'll ever have and she doesn't even know it. I just, I just want to see you when you lose some fucking control."
Her hands were around my back and I reached behind and pushed them to my ass.
"Why don't you make me? Bad girl." I teased and she pulled up the hem of my dress and felt my ass through the pantyhose, pulling me to her and grinding on me. She felt so good. All the teasing and denial with Petey had been so exciting but I wanted this so badly now. I wanted to feel her skin on mine, feel something more physical.
"Pull down my zip, please." I moaned and she almost tore it from me. She unbuckled her belt, and while she hopped from one foot to the other pulling them off I crossed to the bed and threw the clothes, shoes and chip wrappers from the duvet onto the floor.
"Hey, don't make a mess." She said, laughing and I pulled up the duvet to lie on it.
"Don't you want to get in" She asked. "It's clean. I promise."
"No. I want to see you. I want you to see me." I said, reaching for her.
She threw away her bra and scampered onto the bed in just her panties and the heavy necklace she always wore.
She lay down beside me, excited and happy. I smiled. It felt so good to make her so happy. I let my legs fall open.
"Aren't you going to take off your pantyhose?" She asked.
"I want you to take it off me Jade, please."
"Fuck yeah." She kissed me and ran her free hand over my belly, sliding under the band and over my my pussy.
"Mmmmh." I moaned to her. "Oh, I love your hand on me. You've done this before."
"Oh yeah. With Claire and Tracy. usually with Russsel there too."
"Do you let them, together?"
"Russel and the girls? No. They're like, vag-only. You've never been with a girl till now?"
"Nope. Sorry I'm so boring."
"Oh, you're not boring." Said Jade. "I love being your first."
She wanted to get straight to eating me out but I wanted more from her first.
I got her to cradle my head in her arm while she fingered me and then I did the same for her. She loved it. I kissed her and told her how beautiful she was. She confessed to loving me but it was the sex talking. She sucked on my nipples and we ground our pussies together.
"You'll tell Petey about this." She groaned.
"Yeah. So he can wank over it." I said.
"Jesus. Seriously?"
"I love him, but we don't have sex. Not in me. I like teasing him. He likes it too."
"Fucking hell Jessica. You're more perverted than I thought."
I stroked her face. Her hand was making me feel wonderful. I loved feeling her legs wrapped around mine, her bush rasping on my hip bone.
"It's not perverted." I said. "It's lovely. He adores me. I like doing it for him."
"I know what you mean. Russel would rather I be stern and bitchy with him all the time, though he doesn't like to admit it. But sometimes I just want to be fucked."
"Mmm. Stern and bitchy. I like the idea of that."
Her hand slowed. "Oh my God Jess, I couldn't do that with you. You're too intimidating."
I grinned and put the knuckle of my index finger between my teeth.
I fluttered my eyelashes at her but she just laughed.
"Sorry baby. You can try but you'll always be a forbidding ice queen."
I rolled over and thrust my hand between her legs. I propped myself on one elbow and caught a fistful of the hair on the back of her head, bending her neck back.
She gasped and struggled.
"Did I tell you to stop, bitch." I growled.
Her eyes rolled in pleasure and submission and she resumed thrumming her fingers on me.
"This is what you want, huh? To be opened up and fucked? Keep your legs wide, little Katie."
She gasped again, eyes wide, no pretence now.
Jade wasn't really Jade's name. She'd changed it when she went to high school. She thought Jade was cooler than her actual name. But I'd known her since she was in little pink dresses in kindergarten.
I was just six months older, but even when we were little, she'd followed me around, wanting to do whatever Jessica did. She'd worshipped me.
"Yes. Oh yes." She whined.
"Tell Jessica what you want." I hissed.
"I want to be yours, please."
"You'll always be mine." I growled. "My pretty little Katie."
I sped up my hand, feeling her shudder and I ground my lips against hers, feeling her slick mouth with my tongue and gripping hard on her beautiful hair. I felt her buck and rear beneath me and her eyes rolled around, her chest turning pink and her face flushed and dark.
Her hand between my legs was flopping and weak but I didn't care. I loved seeing her orgasm, wondering if this was how she was with Russel and her two friends.
As she subsided I rolled her on top of me and gently guided her head between my legs. She lapped and ground her tongue against me, looking up with those incredible eyes. I stroked her hair and cooed gently to her.
"Goo girl. Oh you're so sweet. I love your tongue on me."
She was so good at this, probably a lot of practice. I felt the heat suffuse from my clit and a gentle orgasm rolled through me, my fingers threaded through her hair again and I pressed her face firmly between my spread legs.
I pulled her up and up till we were face to face, boob to boob. She was so light. I hugged her and kissed her and she laughed and gasped.
It was three o clock, but we lay together, Jade curled up in the crook of my arm.
"You encourage him to wank over you?" She asked.
"Uh huh. But it goes without saying..."
She put her fingers to her lips. She wouldn't tell.
"He is so cute." She said. "I'd do him. But I think I'd just want to fuck him. He's not your real brother."
"It's not that. And he's not even my real cousin." I said."But I like him worshipping me. It's a power thing. But I wouldn't do it unless he liked it too."
"I don't think I'm doing him any harm." I said quietly.
"I'm not saying you are. Just remember you're driving him crazy with lust for your own enjoyment."
"It is very enjoyable." I said.
"And if you're not totally together, does that mean you could be open to the idea of doing this again with me and Russel?"
I rolled my eyes. "Geez. I don't know Jade. Russel's nice and all but I don't know if I want to fuck him, even with you there too."
"Me and him and me and you?"
I hesitated.
"Me and you and you and Petey? Me and Petey and ..."
"No. Not that. He's mine, sorry. He told me about some girl from a year ago in Minnesota and I hate her already."
"Oh. You have it bad, you jealous bitch."
"I told you. I'm not an ice queen. Sometimes I'm an evil stepsister. Other times, I'm a needy little slut."
Jade laughed. "And sometimes you're my ice queen."
"That is new." I admitted. "Fuck. I have to get back. I don't want to leave him alone with Nate's girlfriend."
"Woah! He brought a girl home? Your Nate?"
"Yes and I'm locked in a bitch-war with her. Which I plan to win."
I was pulling on my panties and hose. My dress was tossed in the corner.
Jade watched me dress, making no move to join me. She looked stunning naked. Her tattoos and piercings somehow made her look all the more innocent.
I stepped into my heels and noticed something on the floor.
I picked it up, a black satin choker with diamante studs. A ring in the front made it even more fetishy.
"Can I borrow this?" I asked.
"Sure." She said, grinning. "You going to wear it for him? When you tell him about this?"
"I was more thinking ..."
Jade's expression changed, wondering then, realisation.
"Ooooh. You kinky bitch. Do you make him wear your clothes?"
"It's more a question of allowing. Is it okay?"
Her hand snaked down to her pussy again. "If it's okay that I rub one out imaging him wearing it."
I gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Don't wear out that pussy." I said. "I want it nice and fresh for next time. And please. Clean up your room."
I let myself out, the lobby echoing my heels on the tiled floor.
All the way home I curse myself. How had I let that slip out? I was trying to impress her. How I'd wrapped Petey around my fingers. I still thought of Jade as cool and edgy and I'd wanted to show her how much cooler and edgier I was than her. "Stupid! Selfish! Bitch!" I shouted at myself as I gunned the car up the valley.
I was home in time to head off Angela. She and Mom still weren't home from their lunch. Mom was probably dragging out her second cocktail and boring Angela to tears about homelessness.
Nate, Dad and Petey were in the kitchen, preparing some kind of barbecue meal. It looked chaotic and the meat-to-vegetable ratio was in excess of nine to one.
They had all impressed the shit out of each other with their manliness. Skeet had been shot. Machinery had been driven and boots had been worn. Now, they were making the manliest of all meal, the barbeque. I regarded their chaotic cooking efforts with disdain.
"Will this be some kind of buffet ... ?" I asked.
"Yes. Eventually." Said Nate. "We've invited Gary and Pierre and some of the guys over."
Gary and Pierre were foremen in the vinyard.
"You could make a salad if you like." Said Dad.
"Eh, no. But I will borrow Petey for a minute." I said.
Petey followed me upstairs, looking back wistfully at the piles of meat being marinaded.
"We had a great time." He said, sitting on my bed. "I drove a sprayer."
"I'm sure it was a testosterone-filled delight." I said, sitting beside him. "But I have a confession. I did something I promised I wouldn't do."
"You told your friends? About me wearing your panties?" He squawked.
"No. Not Michelle and Sandy." I said, calmly. "Is that really the only promise I've made to you? Not to tell about you wearing my clothes?"
"Yes. Or it's the only one that matters." he said, looking more and more hurt and shocked.
"Well, let's fix that in a minute." I said.
"Who? Who did you tell?" He wailed.
"Jade." I said. "She was there too."
"Jade? Noooo. Why? Why would you tell her?."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. Let me explain."
I told him about how we'd had a bit of a fight and about me going to her house to make it up.
"And then, I thought, why did I turn her down before. So we had sex."
"What? Seriously? Just now?"
I nodded. "I'll tell you about that later. When we're a bit calmer and more intimate. I told her I would tell you. And she asked about you. It was all a bit post-coital. And I told her I loved you. But we hadn't had sex."
"And about me wearing your panties."
"No. Not then. But when I was leaving. I saw this on her, eh, dresser. And I thought of you and how you might like to wear it. Was I wrong?"
"No." He said quietly, taking the pretty little thing.
I sighed. "And then she asked, was I going to wear it for you? And I said, no, and then she guessed. And I could probably have covered it up, but maybe she'd have seen through that, and I think, but this was wrong. I am so sorry, because it was her, and I know you like her, and she likes you." I paused. "A lot. That maybe it was okay to tell. But I'd promised not to. And, I know this doesn't make it okay but I know she won't tell anyone, and she thinks you're twice as cool now.
But I broke a promise, and that's really not genuine. And I am so sorry Petey."
"It's okay." He said.
"No. It's not. A promise is a promise and I betrayed you. I knew you would say it's okay. But it's not okay."
"Please Jess. It is okay. She guessed."
"When I left she was masturbating over the idea of you wearing it."
"Now, you are making shit up." He said.
I shook my head. "Nope. She had her hand down there. She said I could borrow it if she could rub one out to the image in her head of you wearing her black satin and diamante choker."
"You could make a salad if you like." Said Dad.
"Eh, no. But I will borrow Petey for a minute." I said.
Petey followed me upstairs, looking back wistfully at the piles of meat being marinaded.
"We had a great time." He said, sitting on my bed. "I drove a sprayer."
"I'm sure it was a testosterone-filled delight." I said, sitting beside him. "But I have a confession. I did something I promised I wouldn't do."
"You told your friends? About me wearing your panties?" He squawked.
"No. Not Michelle and Sandy." I said, calmly. "Is that really the only promise I've made to you? Not to tell about you wearing my clothes?"
"Yes. Or it's the only one that matters." he said, looking more and more hurt and shocked.
"Well, let's fix that in a minute." I said.
"Who? Who did you tell?" He wailed.
"Jade." I said. "She was there too."
"Jade? Noooo. Why? Why would you tell her?."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. Let me explain."
I told him about how we'd had a bit of a fight and about me going to her house to make it up.
"And then, I thought, why did I turn her down before. So we had sex."
"What? Seriously? Just now?"
I nodded. "I'll tell you about that later. When we're a bit calmer and more intimate. I told her I would tell you. And she asked about you. It was all a bit post-coital. And I told her I loved you. But we hadn't had sex."
"And about me wearing your panties."
"No. Not then. But when I was leaving. I saw this on her, eh, dresser. And I thought of you and how you might like to wear it. Was I wrong?"
"No." He said quietly, taking the pretty little thing.
I sighed. "And then she asked, was I going to wear it for you? And I said, no, and then she guessed. And I could probably have covered it up, but maybe she'd have seen through that, and I think, but this was wrong. I am so sorry, because it was her, and I know you like her, and she likes you." I paused. "A lot. That maybe it was okay to tell. But I'd promised not to. And, I know this doesn't make it okay but I know she won't tell anyone, and she thinks you're twice as cool now.
But I broke a promise, and that's really not genuine. And I am so sorry Petey."
"It's okay." He said.
"No. It's not. A promise is a promise and I betrayed you. I knew you would say it's okay. But it's not okay."
"Please Jess. It is okay. She guessed."
"When I left she was masturbating over the idea of you wearing it."
"Now, you are making shit up." He said.
I shook my head. "Nope. She had her hand down there. She said I could borrow it if she could rub one out to the image in her head of you wearing her black satin and diamante choker."
I searched his face to see if he was hurt. Or worse, dissapointed with me.
"There is only one lie in that whole story." I said. "Can you guess what it was?"
He thought. "It wasn't on the dresser. She was wearing it."
"Very good. My hesitation gave it away. But no, it was on the floor, along with all her other clothes.. That girl is a pig."
"She's so beautiful though."
"Yes. She is. She offered to have sex with me and you together?"
"Oh. My. God."
"Obviously. I said no."
"What? Why?"
"Because you're mine, Petey. The idea might be cool but if I saw you having sex with another girl I would be forced to choke the life out of her with my bare hands and then drown you in a wine vat."
He gave me a look that showed he didn't think this was beyond credible.
"Can I hold the broken promise thing over you and demand favours because you feel guilty?" He asked.
I gave him my most disdainful look. "You are not going to be having sex with Jade." I said. "You can forget it."
"Not that." He said. "But I'd like to see you two together." Then he looked away. "Sorry, no. I can't really ask that. I was kidding, sorry."
Of course, if I was going to be with Jade again, and I suspected I probably was, there was nothing I wanted more than for Petey to be there. I would love it and it would blow his mind.
"You disappoint me Petey." I said. "Really. What Jade and I do together, that's a private, girl thing. I can't believe you'd even ask, and to use my little indiscretion as leverage, well, it's beneath you..."
I lost him when I said indiscretion. It was going too far. His eyes narrowed.
"Okaay." He said. "I suspect you might actually like me to be there. So how about .. Oh wait no. I have a better idea." He scampered off the bed and dashed to his room. He came back with a wad of bills which he thrust into my hand.
"Your Dad suddenly realised I had no allowance since I came here. He asked why I didn't go into the city with you to buy clothes and I said I had no money. So he gave me all this."
I felt a little pang. Of course he had no money. Mom never thought of it. She thought money was somehow inside credit cards. But I hadn't thought of it either. I felt guilty. That Dad had to step in to do this. I should have told him. [But she did do this right at the start]
"Okay." I said. "But why give it to me. It's yours."
"So you can buy me clothes." He said. "Please."
"I'll drive you into the city tomorrow. You can get your own clothes." And then I saw his face.
"Oh. Right. You want girls clothes. Of your own."
"Yes." He said, a little forlornly and desperate. He pushed the roll of bills at me again. I realised this was different for him. He liked being teased, as long as it was fair. But this, this wasn't the same.
I curled my fingers around his and pushed it back to him.
"It would be my treat to buy you all the girls clothes you want Petey. My pleasure. And they'll be yours. No need to borrow from me. Although you can always borrow anything you like."
He looked at the money in both our hands, a little shy again. "Really? I can pay. I want, nice things."
"But of course." I said. "And we can look online first so I know what you want and then we'll go into the city together and we'll get you boys clothes and girls clothes too. I'll help. Pretend they're for me and you're my boyfriend. You won't need to be embarrassed."
"I know what I want." He blurted out. "Well, lots of things. But can I have some Wolford Satin Touch pantyhose?"
If I was drinking a beverage I'd have splurted it out. "What the fuck? They're like seventy bucks a pair. You want nicer hose than I buy for myself?"
I grabbed at the money for a second, but I was only joking. I pushed it back to him again.
"Okay. Okay. But look, let's do the choosing later. We need to get back before Dad and Nate set the house on fire."
Dad loved these occasions. The more impromptu the better - workers form the vinyard, neighbours and business associates. It looked like he was getting worked up for a real blow-out.
Mom wasn't so keen. But it was her fault for leaving him and Nate together for the day, I figured. It would be early hours of the morning before this was over and the patio, pool and garden would be littered with detrius.
"Welcome to a Valet barbecue." I whispered to Petey. "This will be an education."
We helped and I texted some of my friends too. Petey and Nate helped set more stuff up and I called the catering company we sometimes used to send over a couple of waiters to help with the food when Dad lost interest, and to keep the mess under some control. The caterers were used to this.
Food was beginning to be ready as the first guests arrived. Vinyard workers, they grabbed beers and burgers and lit cigarettes by the pool.
A lot of our Valet Family Wines shtick was marketing bullshit but it really was a family firm. Most of the vinyard workers had been with us for life, sometimes second or third generation. Not so much the winery, which was now a much more industrial operation. Dad had relocated it, a half hour drive over the east valley when he first took over from Gramps.
I introduced Petey to the older hands. They'd seen him with. Dad and Nate earlier and they shook his hand. Yet another scion of the Valet family. But Petey, while hardly a son of the soil, was more genuine and humble than most of our relatives and hangers on and they seemed to take to him.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. Mom. She looked pissed even through her huge sunglasses and wide brimmed sun hat.
"Jessica. What is this? Did you sanction this?" She hissed, waving her arms around the garden and pool, slowly filing with guests.
I shrugged. "I was studying with Michelle and Sandy." I said. "They'd already started when I got home. I wasn't going to cancel Dad's plans. Let him show off. He and Nate are getting on great. And look at Petey. He's all one-of-the-guys here."
Mom frowned. She glanced around. There was already a mess. There was loud man-talk. Rock music. Check shirts. Dad was holding forth to some of the locals about great vintages of the past.
I tippytoed up to give her a peck on the cheek.
"I love you Mom." I said. "Just let him have his fun. He loves these days and it's almost Winter. The last good day. I already called the Montoyas. They're sending over waiters."
She took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I already had three cocktails. I'm in no mood for this now."
"Well, maybe have a snooze. This will happen whether we like it or not. I'm sure it'll still be going when you wake up and you'll be in better shape."
Something fell in the pool. A loud splash. Loud laughter.
She rolled her eyes.
"Will you try to make sure nobody vomits on my plants. And nobody goes upstairs."
"I'll do my best." I said. "But I'm just one little teenage girl against a horde of manly men."
She snorted. "Yeah, right."
"And make sure Petey doesn't get drunk." she called over her shoulder.
She retreated to the house, giving a forced smile to each polite nod and "Mrs. Valet." from the hands. I spotted Angela. She must have gone upstairs to change when they got back. Cut off jeans, crotche cotton top. Sandals. Christ but she looked good. The bitch.
She strode over to Nate and slipped a possessive arm through his.
She must have switched to water after the first cocktail with Mom. She took a proffered beer and chugged a mouthful to cheers from Nates friends, but I could tell a non-drink drink when I saw one. She'd be on high alert during this family event.
I glared. I wanted to change, and now, it had to be an outfit sufficiently different from hers and yet just as perfect for the occasion.
As I was heading back to the house to find a more suitable outfit, Leon and Marco, two of the vinyard hands approached me.
"Miss. Valet." They asked. "We need to leave, we just wanted to thank you ..."
I cut them off with my hand. "Leave? Already? Is it because you need to get home to mind your children? It's eh, little Marco and Tracey and is it little Dillon? Leon?"
"Dillon is two now Miss Jessica. His sister Anna is only two months."
"Oh. Congratulations Leon. I didn't know. But look, if you want to ring your wives and ask them if they would like to join us with the little ones, of course, that would be lovely. But please, don't let them loose. I worry about the pool."
"Thank you. That would be nice. You are very kind." They said. Of course, they were angling for this, but we were a family vinyard after all.
"Oh. wait. Actually, if you don't mind. There is a pool rail. If you ask Nate, he can show you where it is. And it slots into holes at the edge. You can probably figure it out. It would set my mind at ease."
They nodded and thanked me again.
As I mounted the stairs I saw the Montoytas van pull up outside along with the mess of cars and trucks. Four of the Montoya cousins got out. Neatly dressed. They pulled boxes and bags from the van and I waved to them. They had been here many times before and they knew the drill. I told them to put one of them in the lobby. Keep guests from going upstairs, show them the downstairs bathrooms. Try to keep the parking under control. Clean trash. Wash glasses. Take over the barbecue and make sure my Dad didn't poison anyone with undercooked burgers.
They nodded and smiled and nodded.
"Yes. Miss Jessica." They said. "Your Mother is here?"
"Sleeping. She'll be down later. Let's try to ensure the place isn't trashed when she does, okay?"
"Si. Miss Jessica."
They headed out the back, but now, here was Angela.
"Jess. Hi. Isn't this great?" She said.
I was about to moan at her that all the organising was falling on me, but that would be to show weakness.
"Yes. We can be kinda spontaneous." I said. "I love your outfit. I'm a bit too formal. Would you help me pick something out?"
Her eyes lit up. "Oh yes. But I don't know what help I'd be. You're so stylish. But I'd love to see inside your closet."
She giggled, which grated even more.
In my room, she looked rather disappointed. "You keep it minimal." She said. "I'm not sure I've ever seen a half-empty walk-in before."
"I pride myself on keeping small number of quality items." I said. "Which means that when I say I have nothing to wear, it's actually true."
She took an ivory crotchet dress from it 's hanger."
"This is perfect." She said.
I gave her a look. "Maybe with cut off jeans?"
She looked down. "I can change." She said quickly.
"Oh don't be silly." I said. "I can find something."
"Or wear this. With some other shorts. We'd be like sisters."
For a moment, my head swam. Was she actually sincere?
"Do you have a sister Angela?" I asked.
She shook her head and for a moment she looked sad.
"Or we could find something else." She said, looking into the closet again.
He thought. "It wasn't on the dresser. She was wearing it."
"Very good. My hesitation gave it away. But no, it was on the floor, along with all her other clothes.. That girl is a pig."
"She's so beautiful though."
"Yes. She is. She offered to have sex with me and you together?"
"Oh. My. God."
"Obviously. I said no."
"What? Why?"
"Because you're mine, Petey. The idea might be cool but if I saw you having sex with another girl I would be forced to choke the life out of her with my bare hands and then drown you in a wine vat."
He gave me a look that showed he didn't think this was beyond credible.
"Can I hold the broken promise thing over you and demand favours because you feel guilty?" He asked.
I gave him my most disdainful look. "You are not going to be having sex with Jade." I said. "You can forget it."
"Not that." He said. "But I'd like to see you two together." Then he looked away. "Sorry, no. I can't really ask that. I was kidding, sorry."
Of course, if I was going to be with Jade again, and I suspected I probably was, there was nothing I wanted more than for Petey to be there. I would love it and it would blow his mind.
"You disappoint me Petey." I said. "Really. What Jade and I do together, that's a private, girl thing. I can't believe you'd even ask, and to use my little indiscretion as leverage, well, it's beneath you..."
I lost him when I said indiscretion. It was going too far. His eyes narrowed.
"Okaay." He said. "I suspect you might actually like me to be there. So how about .. Oh wait no. I have a better idea." He scampered off the bed and dashed to his room. He came back with a wad of bills which he thrust into my hand.
"Your Dad suddenly realised I had no allowance since I came here. He asked why I didn't go into the city with you to buy clothes and I said I had no money. So he gave me all this."
I felt a little pang. Of course he had no money. Mom never thought of it. She thought money was somehow inside credit cards. But I hadn't thought of it either. I felt guilty. That Dad had to step in to do this. I should have told him. [But she did do this right at the start]
"Okay." I said. "But why give it to me. It's yours."
"So you can buy me clothes." He said. "Please."
"I'll drive you into the city tomorrow. You can get your own clothes." And then I saw his face.
"Oh. Right. You want girls clothes. Of your own."
"Yes." He said, a little forlornly and desperate. He pushed the roll of bills at me again. I realised this was different for him. He liked being teased, as long as it was fair. But this, this wasn't the same.
I curled my fingers around his and pushed it back to him.
"It would be my treat to buy you all the girls clothes you want Petey. My pleasure. And they'll be yours. No need to borrow from me. Although you can always borrow anything you like."
He looked at the money in both our hands, a little shy again. "Really? I can pay. I want, nice things."
"But of course." I said. "And we can look online first so I know what you want and then we'll go into the city together and we'll get you boys clothes and girls clothes too. I'll help. Pretend they're for me and you're my boyfriend. You won't need to be embarrassed."
"I know what I want." He blurted out. "Well, lots of things. But can I have some Wolford Satin Touch pantyhose?"
If I was drinking a beverage I'd have splurted it out. "What the fuck? They're like seventy bucks a pair. You want nicer hose than I buy for myself?"
I grabbed at the money for a second, but I was only joking. I pushed it back to him again.
"Okay. Okay. But look, let's do the choosing later. We need to get back before Dad and Nate set the house on fire."
The Barbecue
They were on the patio. The barbecue was going and they had the food in saran-wrapped bowls. Dad was wearing his House-of-Valet apron but he was just texting away, inviting more and more people, while Nate carried cases of beer from the house and dumped them in the outdoor cooler.Dad loved these occasions. The more impromptu the better - workers form the vinyard, neighbours and business associates. It looked like he was getting worked up for a real blow-out.
Mom wasn't so keen. But it was her fault for leaving him and Nate together for the day, I figured. It would be early hours of the morning before this was over and the patio, pool and garden would be littered with detrius.
"Welcome to a Valet barbecue." I whispered to Petey. "This will be an education."
We helped and I texted some of my friends too. Petey and Nate helped set more stuff up and I called the catering company we sometimes used to send over a couple of waiters to help with the food when Dad lost interest, and to keep the mess under some control. The caterers were used to this.
Food was beginning to be ready as the first guests arrived. Vinyard workers, they grabbed beers and burgers and lit cigarettes by the pool.
A lot of our Valet Family Wines shtick was marketing bullshit but it really was a family firm. Most of the vinyard workers had been with us for life, sometimes second or third generation. Not so much the winery, which was now a much more industrial operation. Dad had relocated it, a half hour drive over the east valley when he first took over from Gramps.
I introduced Petey to the older hands. They'd seen him with. Dad and Nate earlier and they shook his hand. Yet another scion of the Valet family. But Petey, while hardly a son of the soil, was more genuine and humble than most of our relatives and hangers on and they seemed to take to him.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. Mom. She looked pissed even through her huge sunglasses and wide brimmed sun hat.
"Jessica. What is this? Did you sanction this?" She hissed, waving her arms around the garden and pool, slowly filing with guests.
I shrugged. "I was studying with Michelle and Sandy." I said. "They'd already started when I got home. I wasn't going to cancel Dad's plans. Let him show off. He and Nate are getting on great. And look at Petey. He's all one-of-the-guys here."
Mom frowned. She glanced around. There was already a mess. There was loud man-talk. Rock music. Check shirts. Dad was holding forth to some of the locals about great vintages of the past.
I tippytoed up to give her a peck on the cheek.
"I love you Mom." I said. "Just let him have his fun. He loves these days and it's almost Winter. The last good day. I already called the Montoyas. They're sending over waiters."
She took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I already had three cocktails. I'm in no mood for this now."
"Well, maybe have a snooze. This will happen whether we like it or not. I'm sure it'll still be going when you wake up and you'll be in better shape."
Something fell in the pool. A loud splash. Loud laughter.
She rolled her eyes.
"Will you try to make sure nobody vomits on my plants. And nobody goes upstairs."
"I'll do my best." I said. "But I'm just one little teenage girl against a horde of manly men."
She snorted. "Yeah, right."
"And make sure Petey doesn't get drunk." she called over her shoulder.
She retreated to the house, giving a forced smile to each polite nod and "Mrs. Valet." from the hands. I spotted Angela. She must have gone upstairs to change when they got back. Cut off jeans, crotche cotton top. Sandals. Christ but she looked good. The bitch.
She strode over to Nate and slipped a possessive arm through his.
She must have switched to water after the first cocktail with Mom. She took a proffered beer and chugged a mouthful to cheers from Nates friends, but I could tell a non-drink drink when I saw one. She'd be on high alert during this family event.
I glared. I wanted to change, and now, it had to be an outfit sufficiently different from hers and yet just as perfect for the occasion.
As I was heading back to the house to find a more suitable outfit, Leon and Marco, two of the vinyard hands approached me.
"Miss. Valet." They asked. "We need to leave, we just wanted to thank you ..."
I cut them off with my hand. "Leave? Already? Is it because you need to get home to mind your children? It's eh, little Marco and Tracey and is it little Dillon? Leon?"
"Dillon is two now Miss Jessica. His sister Anna is only two months."
"Oh. Congratulations Leon. I didn't know. But look, if you want to ring your wives and ask them if they would like to join us with the little ones, of course, that would be lovely. But please, don't let them loose. I worry about the pool."
"Thank you. That would be nice. You are very kind." They said. Of course, they were angling for this, but we were a family vinyard after all.
"Oh. wait. Actually, if you don't mind. There is a pool rail. If you ask Nate, he can show you where it is. And it slots into holes at the edge. You can probably figure it out. It would set my mind at ease."
They nodded and thanked me again.
As I mounted the stairs I saw the Montoytas van pull up outside along with the mess of cars and trucks. Four of the Montoya cousins got out. Neatly dressed. They pulled boxes and bags from the van and I waved to them. They had been here many times before and they knew the drill. I told them to put one of them in the lobby. Keep guests from going upstairs, show them the downstairs bathrooms. Try to keep the parking under control. Clean trash. Wash glasses. Take over the barbecue and make sure my Dad didn't poison anyone with undercooked burgers.
They nodded and smiled and nodded.
"Yes. Miss Jessica." They said. "Your Mother is here?"
"Sleeping. She'll be down later. Let's try to ensure the place isn't trashed when she does, okay?"
"Si. Miss Jessica."
They headed out the back, but now, here was Angela.
"Jess. Hi. Isn't this great?" She said.
I was about to moan at her that all the organising was falling on me, but that would be to show weakness.
"Yes. We can be kinda spontaneous." I said. "I love your outfit. I'm a bit too formal. Would you help me pick something out?"
Her eyes lit up. "Oh yes. But I don't know what help I'd be. You're so stylish. But I'd love to see inside your closet."
She giggled, which grated even more.
In my room, she looked rather disappointed. "You keep it minimal." She said. "I'm not sure I've ever seen a half-empty walk-in before."
"I pride myself on keeping small number of quality items." I said. "Which means that when I say I have nothing to wear, it's actually true."
She took an ivory crotchet dress from it 's hanger."
"This is perfect." She said.
I gave her a look. "Maybe with cut off jeans?"
She looked down. "I can change." She said quickly.
"Oh don't be silly." I said. "I can find something."
"Or wear this. With some other shorts. We'd be like sisters."
For a moment, my head swam. Was she actually sincere?
"Do you have a sister Angela?" I asked.
She shook her head and for a moment she looked sad.
"Or we could find something else." She said, looking into the closet again.
All of a sudden, I wanted to end this.
"Angela. I'll do you a deal, okay?" I said. "I'll ... accept you .. even treat you as a sister. But if you do anything, ever, to hurt Nate, then that's it. I'll eject you from this family. You know I could do it."
She looked at me, still sad, and then slowly shook her head.
"What? No?" I gasped.
"It's not a good deal." She said. "And I can't swear I'll never hurt him. People hurt the ones they love all the time. Accidentally. Or even for their own good. He didn't want to leave Berkely. Maybe there'll be some other time I may have to hurt him, even temporarily. Or maybe I won't even know I have. It's not fair."
Oh, how I hated her. She was like a perfect nemesis for me. She used my own principles against me.
"Good answer." I said. "That is all very true."
I took the crotchet dress from her. "You can pick the shorts." I said.
I stripped off my dress and pantyhose and panties. She looked slightly shocked that I would get naked in front of her. I felt a thrill of power at doing so. I pulled on a fresh pair and a white cami top. She was still staring.
"Like girls?" I asked.
"No. No, sorry." She said, blushing.
She busied herself with my little collection of shorts. There was only one candidate really. A white pair, denim, more like tennis shorts.
She held them out.
"I do." I said. "I was with a friend of mine today. First time. She said I was her ice queen."
Angela goggled a bit. I smiled. "Sisters tell each other everything, right?" I said.
"Maybe not everything." She said.
"You think it's icky?" I said, making no move to put on the shorts or the dress.
"No. No. But I think, really, you're just saying that to shock or surprise me."
"I don't lie." I said. "But you looked at me, not unlike the way she looked at me. Hungry. I wondered."
"Angela. I'll do you a deal, okay?" I said. "I'll ... accept you .. even treat you as a sister. But if you do anything, ever, to hurt Nate, then that's it. I'll eject you from this family. You know I could do it."
She looked at me, still sad, and then slowly shook her head.
"What? No?" I gasped.
"It's not a good deal." She said. "And I can't swear I'll never hurt him. People hurt the ones they love all the time. Accidentally. Or even for their own good. He didn't want to leave Berkely. Maybe there'll be some other time I may have to hurt him, even temporarily. Or maybe I won't even know I have. It's not fair."
Oh, how I hated her. She was like a perfect nemesis for me. She used my own principles against me.
"Good answer." I said. "That is all very true."
I took the crotchet dress from her. "You can pick the shorts." I said.
I stripped off my dress and pantyhose and panties. She looked slightly shocked that I would get naked in front of her. I felt a thrill of power at doing so. I pulled on a fresh pair and a white cami top. She was still staring.
"Like girls?" I asked.
"No. No, sorry." She said, blushing.
She busied herself with my little collection of shorts. There was only one candidate really. A white pair, denim, more like tennis shorts.
She held them out.
"I do." I said. "I was with a friend of mine today. First time. She said I was her ice queen."
Angela goggled a bit. I smiled. "Sisters tell each other everything, right?" I said.
"Maybe not everything." She said.
"You think it's icky?" I said, making no move to put on the shorts or the dress.
"No. No. But I think, really, you're just saying that to shock or surprise me."
"I don't lie." I said. "But you looked at me, not unlike the way she looked at me. Hungry. I wondered."
I was getting nowhere, Angela didn't look uncomfortable at all.
"I've tried to like you Jessica. I really have. All I want is to be accepted. You have everything. A loving family. A beautiful home. You're beautiful and capable and smart. But you're also cruel and horrible. You've hated me from the moment I got here. And my only crime is to love your brother."
I took a step closer. "I don't have a sister either." I said. "Just two brothers. But as I understand it, sisters are mean to each other all the time. Even if they love each other."
Her face was flushed. Now I was getting to her. I had gotten to her. She was off balance, confused and maybe even a little scared.
"Do you want to be my sister, Angela?" I asked. I put my hand to her hot cheek. For a moment she almost flinched away, but then she leaned in to it, feeling it's chill on her hot skin. I had won.
"Yess." She breathed and I put my arms around her and kissed her. She responded just as I'd known she would. Her mouth was wet and she moaned as my tongue roamed over hers. I pulled her tight to me and caressed her hair with my free arm.
When we broke I gave her a reassuring smile. "Hungry?" I asked.
She just gaped at me, her eyes lost. "Don't worry Angela. This isn't blackmail. I'll never tell. No matter what. I'll welcome you. Genuinely. Maybe you're perfect for Nate. I can tell he loves you. And I can't be there to watch out for him all the time. But we understand each other, right? You can be part of my family, but on my terms. We're not rivals. I am in charge. You'll see. It's better this way."
She nodded.
"You feel nice." I said. "I'm not some sexual predator. If you want to be with me, my door is open. But I think it would confuse Nate."
"He's easily confused." She murmured.
I took a step closer. "I don't have a sister either." I said. "Just two brothers. But as I understand it, sisters are mean to each other all the time. Even if they love each other."
Her face was flushed. Now I was getting to her. I had gotten to her. She was off balance, confused and maybe even a little scared.
"Do you want to be my sister, Angela?" I asked. I put my hand to her hot cheek. For a moment she almost flinched away, but then she leaned in to it, feeling it's chill on her hot skin. I had won.
"Yess." She breathed and I put my arms around her and kissed her. She responded just as I'd known she would. Her mouth was wet and she moaned as my tongue roamed over hers. I pulled her tight to me and caressed her hair with my free arm.
When we broke I gave her a reassuring smile. "Hungry?" I asked.
She just gaped at me, her eyes lost. "Don't worry Angela. This isn't blackmail. I'll never tell. No matter what. I'll welcome you. Genuinely. Maybe you're perfect for Nate. I can tell he loves you. And I can't be there to watch out for him all the time. But we understand each other, right? You can be part of my family, but on my terms. We're not rivals. I am in charge. You'll see. It's better this way."
She nodded.
"You feel nice." I said. "I'm not some sexual predator. If you want to be with me, my door is open. But I think it would confuse Nate."
"He's easily confused." She murmured.
I continued. "But if you need anything. Advice, help, comfort. A shoulder to cry on or a mouth to kiss. I'm here for you. Okay?"
She nodded again.
I took the shorts and pulled them on, slipped the dress over my head. I put my hand on her shoulder as I stepped into a pair of sandals.
"I meant what I said, before. Hungry? I'm starved."
"Am I? Lunch seems so long ago."
I took her hand and we went downstairs together. Nate grinned when he saw us holding hands.
"My two favorite girls." He said. "God, you're like sisters."
Angela's laugh seemed a little too brittle. I told Nate to get us burgers while I scanned the crowd for Petey.
He was with some of my friends. Michelle and Fiona. And Jade. And Russel. Fiona must have brought them. I waved to him to come over, and then sent him to find Dad.
"Kids!" He said beaming happily, beer in hand. "You all got something to eat? The hordes have arrived."
We had. "Take our picture Dad. The four of us." I said. "Valet family."
I squeezed Angela's hand. As he took the photos I leaned in to her and hugged her. For one, I planted a kiss on her cheek. One of the Montoyas took a few with Dad in it too.
Then we rejoined the party.
I pulled Jade to one side. I saw Russel's eyes follow us.
"You told him already." I said.
"Yeah. I called him." She said. "I said I would."
"I know. Now he's looking at me."
She rolled her eyes.
"It's fine. It's fine. I told Petey too." I said.
"You don't need to tell me that. " She said. "He looks like his guts are in knots when I speak to him."
"Yeah. Look. I shouldn't have told you about him wearing panties. Please. Don't make anything of it or ever mention it to him. I told him I'd never tell and then I blurted it out and I feel like shit about it and he's so sensitive about it."
"But it's cute."
"No Kate. Please." I said. "He's self conscious about it. And I broke a promise."
"And it's your thing with him."
That made me pause.
"Yes. it is. I'm ... kinda possessive of him. Yes."
"I knew you had it bad Jess. Is this you losing a bit of self control. Agitated?"
"Look. I'm not in a coolness competition with you Jade. You win, okay? I love him. I love what we have together. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to share him. I'm agitated and I'm worried you will think it's cool to tease him about this. Please don't."
She smiled and shook her head.
"I wasn't going to. Jesus. It's just cool to see you like this. Could we ...?"
"Sneak off to my room and have sex? No. Don't be crazy."
She laughed more and then I felt Angela hovering at my elbow."
"Hi. I'm Angela. Nate's girlfriend." She said.
Jade just laughed more.
"Of course you are. Jess was telling me about you earlier."
Angela raised an eyebrow at me. Jade saw.
"Yeah, she said you and her were in a kind of bitch-off?"
The colour drained from Angela's face.
"Really? Did she?" She said, coldly.
Rather than back off, Jade pushed harder, as I watched, harrified as she demolished the delicate balance I'd reached with Angela.
"Yes. She seemed to think she had the better of you. I think. Right Jess?"
"Thanks Jade. Thanks a lot." I said.
"Earlier today?" Said Angela. "So you must be the dyke she was fucking?"
There was a moment of silence before that bomb detonated.
"Dyke?" Said Jade, her head tilting. "I'm queer as a steer but that sounds like you're trying to insult me."
"Not you. Her." Said Angela, her eyes flashing angry without restraint.
I'd finally broken her. Or rather Jade had, just at the point that I didn't want to any more.
"Angela." I said, hoping reason and honesty might yet prevail. "I did talk to Jade about you. Bitch off probably wasn't far from the truth then. But just now, I thought we'd managed to get past that.
"Fuck you Jess." She spat. "Fuck you and your manipulative, evil schemes. You use sex as a weapon. As a means to get what you want. You're incapable of honesty or love. Keep away from me. And keep away from Nate."
She walked away. I could see the hurt and shame in her every step.
"Phew. That was intense." Said Jade.
"We'd made up. Just now." I said. "I kissed her. I really wish you hadn't said that."
"You fucking what?" Said Jade.
"It was a tense moment. It felt like the right thing to do. At least until now."
"You went straight from my bed to kissing your brother's girlfriend? Did you stop off to give your step brother a handjob along the way?"
I felt tears well up. Fought them down. "No. But it was a possibility. And he's not my step brother."
"You said. Before." Said Jade.
I wasn't crying yet but I knew I couldn't hold it in much longer.
"I'm going inside now." I said and turned and walked as calmly as I could back inside. At the patio, one off the Montoyas tried to get my attention.
"Not now. I'm just a kid. Ask my Dad." I blurted out and fled upstairs.
I threw myself on my bed and let my sobs out. Then I had the presence of mind to go and lock my door before throwing myself back on it again.
'Nobody's coming to see if you're okay.' I thought. If Jade had wanted to follow me she would have already. Petey was having a great time talking to my friends and my Nate, well Nate was lost to me.
But I was crying because she was right. I'd manipulated Jade, Petey Nate, Angela. I used boys to get what I wanted and never let them near me emotionally. Now I was just widening my net to include sissies and girls. How long before I flirted with my Dad to get what I wanted from him? Did I do that already? Could I even tell?
"Aaaaaaaagh" I screamed into my quilt. I hated Angela. I hated myself. I hated Jade for being such an unfeeling cunt. She'd repeated what I'd said to Angela just for the chaos she knew she'd cause. But could I blame her? I'd told Angela about her without a thought.
I sat up and groaned. My self-loathing had dried up my tears. Feeling wretched, I looked in the mirror. I wasn't the red-eyed mess I'd expected. I actually looked pretty normal.
Still nobody had come to check on me. Nobody was going to. Maybe I hadn't looked all that upset. Maybe nobody cared.
Could I fix this? Fix Angela? I'd trampled her feelings pretty badly. First a complete bitch, but trying to get her on side. Then being creepy about sisterly affection. Then full-on sexual manipulation. Then it turns out I'm talking about her behind her back. If I was her, I would steer well clear of me.
I unlocked the door and went to the upper balcony. It looked over the patio, pool and garden beyond. We had about a hundred guests now. Maybe one twenty. Knots of people lounged by the pool. More clustered around the barbecue area. I couldn't see Petey. I wanted him.
Behind me I heard footsteps.
"Hi Nate." I said.
"Jessie? Are you upset?" He asked.
"Why would I be upset?"
"Angela said you did something horrible to her."
"Then she should be upset." I said.
He turned me around. "Oh I thought you were crying." He said.
"I was. I just clean up well."
"What happened?"
"I was mean to her. From the start. I didn't like her. Then I did like her. We made up. But then she found I'd been trash talking about her behind her back. She was upset. It's my fault. I was a bitch and I got found out. Boo Hoo. Poor me."
"Right. That sounds like you're leaving out parts."
"Not really." I sighed. "Except I was really very bitchy. I'm sorry.
Please Nate." I said. "Help me fix it. I really do like her now and I'm sorry."
"I'll see." He said. "She seemed pretty mad. More hurt really."
I groaned. "I feel kinda toxic Nate. I'm a bad influence on Petey."
"What? He worships you."
"Exactly."
We went back down together. I took emotional refuge in my most-grown-up-in-the-room persona. I talked with Michelle and Fiona and tried to keep the place from getting too rowdy. I swapped Dad's beers for sodas and prised him away from the grill so the caterers could take over. I turned the music down when Nate's friends turned it up. Jade and Petey were nowhere to be seen.
I found Russel.
"I upset Jade." I said.
"You and me both." He said. "I told her to calm down and she took my face off."
"Sorry. I was really badly in the wrong." I said. "I hurt her. I was thoughtless and mean. Did she go somewhere with Petey?"
"You think so? She'd do that?"
"Fuck.What? No. I didn't mean ... that." I said, shocked. "Fuck. No. She wouldn't."
"She's done it before, when I upset her." He said.
"No. No. They wouldn't." I said. But my blood ran cold.
"Was she really that upset?"
"She was after she talked to Nate's girlfriend."
I groaned even louder and went to find Angela. The last person I wanted to talk to.
She was missing too. I went inside and found the room Mom had put her in.
Angela was packing. Mascara tears ran down her cheeks.
I went in and closed the door behind me.
"Fuck off Jess." Said Angela.
"You never answered me before." I said. "Do you have a sister?"
"No. I don't."
"Me either. And like I said, I hear they're mean to each other all the time. But they get over it. Because they're family."
"You have a twisted fucking idea of family Jess."
"Nate won't understand if you leave. He'll think it was him. Not me. You'll hurt him. He will want you to stay."
"I'll see him in college. He can visit. It will do him good to get away from here. From you."
"I don't want you to go either. I'm really not the toxic person you think I am. I know I hurt you. But I really didn't intend to and I am sorry. I think you're good for Nate. I talked about you with Jade. I shouldn't have."
"You think that this is about that?" She said, her eyes blazing.
"I'm getting to that. I'm not sorry I kissed you. You kissed me back. Yes. I'd just come from Jade. I told you that. I don't have to make excuses for who I sleep with. If it creeps you out that you kissed your Boyfriend's sister, then that's on you as well as me. You don't want to admit you're attracted to me, fine, I'll keep away. But you're taking this out on Nate when you could just stay, keep me at arms length. I'll make it easy for you."
She shook her head. "I don't have feelings for you, apart from loathing. I'm not attracted to you. In fact, the opposite. I kissed you back because I was confused. You were deliberately trying to knock me off balance with your hot and cold, bitchy-then-seductive thing. It worked, okay? But now I'm thinking clearly and I want to get as far away from you as possible."
"What did Jade tell you?"
"Tell me? She warned me about you. She said you were a slut. That you'd banged her already today. Like you said. She warned me off you. How does that feel Jess? You get close to two girls in the one day and they both hate you before sundown?"
"It's not good, I'll grant you."
"Is that ironic understatement? I'm sorry. It's hard to tell when you're so fucking dead inside. Will you be this detached when Petey finds out what a faithless bitch you are?"
I'd come in here knowing this would be rough but this was a gut punch. She saw she'd hurt me and hit me again.
"How long before Nate realises, huh? Do you fuck his friends? You were willing to fuck his girlfriend so that seems pretty mild for you."
She'd missed with that one. Not just that I'd never considered one of Nate's dumb-ass buddies but also it revealed where she was about to go next.
"How about Nate himself? Would that have been your next step after sleeping with me?"
I folded my arms.
"I'm sorry you're hurting Angela. I am. But just take a breath. You came here and you were all over me. All over this family. I wasn't buying it. I was mean. I was an obstacle. You won me round. So much so, that I was forced to admit I was attracted to you. And you were. You are, to me. Then you found out that I'd bad-mouthed you to a friend before. A friend I'd slept with. It's bad. I behaved badly. Thoughtlessly. But before you change up another gear - maybe accuse me of sleeping with my Dad? Just listen to yourself. Isn't some of this because you feel revulsion that you responded to me yourself?"
This wasn't a good play. She wasn't in a good place for introspection.
"Get the fuck out of my room Jess." She hissed. "Get the fuck out, you poisonous little whore."
I had one more card to play. Not a card. It was more like a nuclear weapon.
"I'm prepared to tell Nate what happened between us." I said. "I don't think it was wrong. I don't keep secrets from him. If he thinks I drove you away with unwanted sexual advances, so be it. But I will tell him, and accept the consequences. I don't want him getting the wrong idea of what happened and thinking it was something he did."
"You wouldn't. You're lying. You can't blackmail me like this" She said.
"I'm not. I'm not lying and I'm not blackmailing you. I will tell him either way. It's only fair. Maybe he'll think I'm a toxic whore like you say. Especially if you lie about it. Or maybe he won't agree. He loves you. He loves me. He's dumb, but he knows girls do this. He knows I'm pretty freaky. I think he'll see the truth. He'll blame me, but at least he won't think he's at fault."
"Please don't Jessica. Please don't." She pleaded.
"Why not?" I asked. I bit my tongue. I didn't want to provoke her again. Best to keep quiet now.
She looked at me pleadingly. "Please don't." She said again. "He won't believe you."
I just raised my eyebrows. I counted silently.
"He'll think it was me."
She looked to me again. I kept counting. She knew that I knew. She really was very smart.
She put her face in her hands. "How did you know I had a sister?"
Online births registry. Madison county, Michigan was the simple answer, of course. I did my homework.
"Half sister." I said.
She sobbed. "My Stepfather took her away when he found out about us. She said it was all my doing. I didn't deny it. I loved her so much. My Mom blamed me too. But the worst part was being separated from her."
"And you've told Nate about this of course."
"Of course." She sobbed.
"And he worried you might really be gay but in denial. But you told him no."
"I love him." She wailed.
"I know. He knows. Anyone can see that." I said.
"I was just a teenager. Ellie was everything to me."
"Have you seen her since her Dad left with her?" I asked.
She sniffed. Shook her head.
"How long has it been?"
"Five years." She said. "I haven't been with anyone until Nate. It was too painful."
"Did Nate tell you to go find her?"
She looked at me sharply. "Did he tell you that?"
I shook my head. "I didn't tell him any of this. I just know Nate. I'd tell you the same thing."
I shook my head. "I didn't tell him any of this. I just know Nate. I'd tell you the same thing."
She looked away. "It's not that simple."
"He will believe me. He won't think it was you, even knowing what happened before. I know it wasn't of course. I kissed you. You were right. I was trying so hard to throw you off balance. Love and hate are so close together. The moment I didn't hate you any more, I wanted you. I still do.
He won't think it was you. You've been together how long? Over a year? I think he knows you love him. He'll think it's cute."
She looked exhausted. Worn out. All the fight had gone from her.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to stand here and not put my arms around you and kiss you and tell you it's okay?" I asked. "You and your step sister being forced apart breaks my heart. I want you and Nate to be happy. If I'm an obstacle I will just step aside. If I can help I will, but I think maybe I would be best to just be away from you for a while. I may look like a heartless, faithless bitch but really I'm just not house trained. I. just give my love away too freely to be safe."
"Don't go." She said quietly.
I gave a mirthless, bark of a laugh. "That's my line." I said. "We don't have to tell him this minute. But we do have to tell him. Will you stay?"
She nodded. The door thumped. I almost jumped out of my skin.
"It's the dog." Said Angela. "He adores me for some reason. He was in here lying on my bed when I got back with your Mom."
"He is the dumbest dog I've ever seen." I said. I opened the door and he shot in past me and went straight to Angela and put his head on her lap.
"He doesn't want you to go either." I said.
"He kept sniffing at me when I was getting changed. I think he's some kind of Poon Hound."
I had to keep from laughing crazily at that.
"I have to go find Jade and Petey." I said. "I'll send Nate to find you. I mean it about telling him. If not now, soon."
"Wait. How did you know about Ellie?" She asked.
"I didn't." I said, turning to go. "I just knew you'd lied about having a sister. I guessed. I meant it about telling Nate."
I left her with Zinfandel and went back outside. Drunkenness was in the air. Mom had come down from her nap. She had her arm around Dad on the patio while he held forth about grape varieties to the circle of hands, all of whom knew far more about the subject than he ever would. They were all nodding along. There was a knot of Nate and my friends by the pool.
I took Nate aside, made him put down his beer and told him to go in and talk to his girlfriend.
"We made up." I told him. "She forgave me. She's still upset. Be gentle with her." I told him.
"Right. Okay. I can do that." He said.
"Don't do or say anything apart from just listen to her and tell her you love her." I said.
"I can do that." He repeated. I pushed him towards the house.
I found Marta, the only Montoya sister. She had sharp eyes.
"My friend with the blue hair, and my step-brother?" I asked.
"In the house." She said.
I'd missed them. I was worried for what I would find. Jade was beautiful, sexy and just as cunning and manipulative as me. I'd done her wrong. But I couldn't bear how hurt I would be if he was doing something with her.
I stalked into the house. His door was ajar. Where were they? On a whim I looked in. And there they were.
He was drawing her. She was sitting at the window. Evening light was catching her hair and her profile. He'd done her eyes perfectly.
He looked around at me guiltily. Jade gave me a more defiant look.
I walked behind Petey to get a better look. He'd caught her likeness so well it made me green with jealousy. He hadn't drawn me half as well.
I leaned down and kissed his cheek.
"You should have waited for me." I said. "You could have done us both together."
"I made him." Said Jade.
"He's a big boy." I said. "He makes his own choices. But you get a pass because I'm feeling penitential. I went over to Jade and sat beside her on the window seat.
"I'm sorry." I said. "I shouldn't have kissed her. It was wrong of me. Can you forgive me? And her? She's really a very good person."
"Who did you kiss now?" Asked Petey.
"Nobody. Go back to drawing." I said.
"I can forgive you." She said, but I don't know about Angela forgiving me. I think three-in-a-bed sex is off the cards now. I may have blown that for both of us."
"No. That's off the cards for many reasons." I said. "But if you want, you could sleep over, with us."
"Mmmmm. That sounds like a better threesome." She grinned.
"And Russel." Said Petey.
"Fuck! Russel!" Said Jade, springing up. "I told him I'd be back in five minutes an hour ago."
She ran downstairs.
I folded my arms and regarded Petey. "Did you have to fight her off?" I asked.
"Kinda." He cringed. "At first she was all seductive but then she seemed to back off."
"When you resisted her manfully."
"Yes. I have some self-control." He protested. "I don't think she was mad at you for very long. And when I showed her my drawings she really wanted me to do her. Draw her."
"Did she ask you about dressing?"
"Not at all."
"Phew. Then she wasn't mad at all. Petey. If I'd found you with her, wearing clothes, then I'd have been devastated. You get that, right?"
"It's our thing."
"You're my thing. If she stays over, and we play, that's okay. But I own you. Nothing happens without me there."
He nodded.
"We have to go back down." I said. "I've barely been at this party. I've been cleaning up my own mess for hours."
"Is everything okay with Angela?" He asked. "She seemed kinda upset."
"And me." I insisted. "I was upset too."
"Oh? I'm sorry. About what?"
"Never mind. It's over now. Come on. I still haven't had anything to eat."
The party is over
We re-joined the party.
I enlisted XXX and XXXX to make the two groups join up. The kids didn't argue when they told them to come over to the patio and they carried their chairs and loungers over to the light and heat.
Dad came over and turned off the pool lights and helped put on the covers. The XXXXs began tidying up and I made some of Nate's friends help pick up the beer bottles and plates.
"You're always so responsible." Said Dad, slurring a bit. "I don't know where you get it from."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm making up for some very thoughtless behaviour earlier." I said.
"Don't beat yourself up Jess. You're a good person. Better than most." He gave me a look. I was always his favourite. Since I was a toddler I could make him do anything I wanted. I tried not to let him spoil me. But even after everything that had happened earlier I found myself saying.
"Dad, don't trash the XXX Vinyard. Take it on, keep the workers, make it a separate brand."
He sighed. "Jess it's business. The reason it's failing is because it's inefficient. Should I pay them more than these guys?" He waved his arm at the hands.
"You can make it work. You don't have to make it a sinecure, but honour the commitments you signed."
He wasn't as drunk as I'd thought. He frowned at me.
"Okay. But on one condition. When you pass your SATs, you come work for me for the Summer. Not with Nate. In the office. You make it work."
"Okay, that's blackmail. Work for me or I'll reduce their wages? Don't be that guy Daddy."
"I am that guy Jess. That's how we live here. How you don't have to worry about college." He waved his arms expansively around, then back at me. "How you have those ... shorts."
"The shorts were ten bucks Daddy. I don't care about some Ivy League college and I'd be just as happy in a suburban home with you and Mom and Nate. But I do want you to be able to sleep at night. To have some moral standards."
I waved towards our sprawling villa. "We already have all this with the business as it is. What will adding XXXXX Wines add to that? What would treating them right lose us? Won't you do the right thing just because you want to look like a good guy to your daughter?"
He ground his teeth in frustration. "That's just the kind of toughness that would make this business really hum Jessica. I hope you don't ever come up against anyone tougher than you."
"You'll do it though, right? For me?"
He rolled his head back. "Yes. I'll do it."
"Okay, in that case I'll come work for you this Summer. I'll help."
"You just had to have your little victory? Petty much? Jessie?"
"No. I wanted my Daddy to do this for me because he loves me and values my respect. Not so he can turn me into a mini-me."
"No. I wanted my Daddy to do this for me because he loves me and values my respect. Not so he can turn me into a mini-me."
He looked at me again. "Do I have your respect?"
"Of course. I love you. You're the best Dad in the world."
I gave him a hug. "And you throw a good party. Even Mom's having fun."
She was laughing at something one of Nate's friends had said. They were gathered around her on on the patio. It looked very cosy. Mom looked gorgeous.
"Hmmm." Said Dad.
"Go fight off the young wolves." I told him. "Claim your mate. I'll finish off here."
"Why did I marry such a hottie." Said Dad. "She get's more beautiful every day. Every one of those guys fancies her."
"Okay, this is getting weird. Go." I said and pushed him away.
He stumbled back to the patio and I helped the Montoyas to clean up.
I went inside with Mrs. Monotoya. They were finishing in the kitchen and cleaning away the catering stuff they'd brought.
I paid her with the household chequebook and peeled off an extra twenty for each of the cousins and a fifty for XXXX.
"For the short notice." I said.
"No trouble Miss. Valet. You have eighteenth birthday party soon? You will need us?"
"September first." I said. "And yes, of course. Our family and yours go back a long way."
"It's good to keep in the family." She said and I noticed she looked over my shoulder. Petey was at the patio doors.
"Good night." I said and they waved and said good night.
"Are Jade and Russel staying?" I asked him.
"No. They made up. They're leaving now." He said.
"Maybe some other time." I said. "I want you all to myself tonight."
He gulped.
We waved off Jade and Russel and more of Nate's friends. The party was breaking up. Mom and Dad and some of his business friends were staying up on the patio.
I gave them a kiss goodnight.
"Nate and Angela went to bed already."Said Mom. "Are you and Petey going up too?"
She looked wide awake now after her nap.
"Yes. The Montoyas are all paid up and we're locked up inside. Don't forget to secure the fire pit when you go in." I said.
"We'll be fine Jess. Go get some sleep. You look worn out. You too Petey."
We made a pretence of going up separately. I went into Petey's room and got some things, then had a shower. When I came out he was in my room, looking sheepish.
"You said ..."
"Yes. I said. I said a lot of things. But I changed my mind. I want you. I want to sleep with you. Do you want to?"
"Yes. If you want to."
"I do. Very much. Angela said today that I was incapable of honesty or love. That's not true. But I don't think I've ever been with someone I was in love with, till now."
"That's me, right?"
"Yes, dummy. That's you."
I was wearing a bath towel, wrapped around me. I considered letting it drop to the floor but I felt oddly self-conscious. I was letting a certain amount of my mystique fall away with Petey and I felt a bit vulnerable. I wasn't as pretty as Jade. I wasn't really pretty at all. I could scrub up well but a lot of my attractiveness relied on my confidence and superiority. I was ditching all that now.
I took his hands and we sat on the bed.
"You don't think you're special Petey, but you are. You're special to me. I love that you want to wear my panties. I love how you are with people. With me. I want to do all those things with you that you dream of. I want to be the one for you."
He looked more scared than excited or happy.
"I just ... hope ..."
"That you can make me happy?"
"That I can ... satisfy you."
"You will. I promise you. Satisfaction is easy. I can get that from a vibrator. I have one in my bedside drawer. I could pick up one of Nates' friends and they'd give me a good fucking tonight. But that would be ... unsatisfying. I want to feel more than that. I want to feel I'm with someone who loves me for who I am. Who I really am."
"Who are you really Jessica?" He asked.
"You show me." I said and I kissed him, my mouth wide open.
He was nervous, and hesitant, of course. I'd helped make him that way and I wasn't going to try to change him now. He was never going to be the one to flip me over and pound me like an animal and I didn't want that now anyway. I wanted someone gentle who loved me. I wanted someone who would be delighted by me. I wriggled under him and let the towel fall away.
"It's okay to tell me you love me, if you want to."
A dozen emotions took hold of his face at once. "I do. So much Jess. I just don't think ..."
"What? That I love you?"
"No. No. That I can ... posses you. That's not the right word, but ..."
"I know. I know. I was with Jade already today. Not cheating. We know that, right? If I went with some jock, still not cheating. I'd tell you about it. But you and me is something else. Yes?"
"Yes. Different."
"More." I insisted. "I don't love Jade, at least, not like I love you. Not as much. If she didn't love me back I'd be sad, but if you didn't ... I couldn't breathe."
"I do love you Jess."
"I know. I love you too. So here I am."
He pushed his arms beneath and around me and hugged me close, still lying on me. It wasn't quite what I expected.
He leaned back, and seemed almost pained.
"Tell me. You're hesitating. It's not right. Just say it."
"I just ... I just liked what we did before ... and I think ... though you say it doesn't matter ... if I, if we just do it, it'll be disappointing. I'll be disappointing. And then, it'll be like that between us."
I put my hand on his chest.
"I wouldn't be disappointed. And it wouldn't be like that. And you'd get better at it. But okay. I mean, I really enjoy being with you, kind of girly. But you know, right, you can just fuck me if you want."
"I don't know if I'll ever be able to. But yes, do you mind? I don't want it to feel like I'm rejecting you."
"I don't know if I'll ever be able to. But yes, do you mind? I don't want it to feel like I'm rejecting you."
"You're not. You liked what we did before, I know. Me too. I came so hard when you used your hand on me, talked to me. And I liked jerking you off when you were wearing my satin cami and the boyshorts. I loved feeling you in it. But tell me more what you liked."
I wriggled out from under him and opened my nightwear drawer.
I turned back to him. "Come on. Tell me."
"Oh God Jess. All I want. What I really want is to get into bed with you like before but to sleep with you this time. But I think you're all keyed up for something special. Yes. That one."
I had a white cotton slip in my hand. Lacy bust. Spaghetti straps, but actually pretty tame.
"Really? For me or you?"
"Me." He said sheepishly.
I put it aside neatly. "Well, get undressed then. But okay, yes. I'm kind of keyed up. But I think we can meet somewhere in the middle. Hey? Did you wash and brush your ..."
There was a footstep outside.
"Jess?"
It was Nate.
"What is it?" I said.
"Angela says sorry." He said, through the door.
I looked to Nate. I made a motion to put his shirt back on. I slipped on the nightie and went to the door. Petey's eyes went wide.
"Sorry." I mouthed.
I turned the key and opened it. Nate was still there. I could see on his face that she must have told him.
"Come in." I said.
He stepped in, did a double-take when he saw Petey.
"We're just talking." I said.
He looked at Petey again.
"I don't have secrets from Petey." I said.
"Right." Said Nate. "Okay, yeah. She told me? And I, eh, I just, well, I wanted to say. She said, actually, you were right. She told you about Trish, right?"
"Yes." I said, seeing his pain at feeling her pain.
"And she said. I mean, she's kind of emotional. She thought maybe you might try to find her. I thought you would too. I mean, I would. But you might actually do it."
"And she wanted you to tell me not to."
"Yup."
I nodded. "And she said sorry? Tell her she has nothing to be sorry about. Tell her I'm sorry. Not about kissing her. But for being a bitch."
Nate looked at me like only he could.
"You're not a bitch. You're my only sister and I love you. She lost hers. I want you two to get on. But she was really serious about this. I know you made up. But if you go meddling then it may not be fixable a second time. Okay?"
"Okay. I won't." I said. "Tell her I understand. I promise I won't."
"Okay." He said. "I'll tell her."
He looked around at Petey, but spoke to me. "I'd give you a hug. But I'm your brother. And that would be weird."
Petey looked like he wanted to melt into my bed.
"We're just talking." He said.
"Right." Said Nate. "Take care Petey. Jess can tell you about Steve Landers. Good night."
He closed the door gently on the way out.
"Fuck." Mouthed Petey when he was gone. "Fuck."
"It's okay." I said. "Sorry. I just had to hear what he had to say."
"What was all that about? And what happened to Steve Landers?"
I shook my head. "Nothing. Oh I'll explain another time. It's fine. It's actually fine. It's good."
"Is it? He was pretty angry with me."
"No. No he wasn't. He's just ... being a brother."
I went over to Petey. "I'll wear this. I want you to wear something more sexy. Would you wear the satin cami set again. We'll get into bed and cuddle and I'll explain."
He did. It was the same as last time but he was so cute in it. I turned out the light and spooned him.
I pressed my cheek on his neck and felt him all over. So adorable. But he was tense.
"Okay. Steve Landers first. It's not really a thing. He was a friend of a friend of Nate's. Party here, kinda like today. I was talking with them. I thought it was cool to hang with Nate's friends. Steve gives me a beer. Nate saw, he wasn't happy. He took it from me. Later, Steve followed me into the kitchen and was getting a bit too close. He didn't actually touch me but he made me uncomfortable."
"Here? In your own home?"
"Here? In your own home?"
"Assholes know no boundaries. So, Nate comes in, sees. Challenges Steve. Steve says he's not doing anything I don't want. Nate asks me. I say I'm not happy. Nate hits him so hard he loses two incisors."
"Fuck."
"So, yeah, it was a thing. But he's just saying, watch out for my little sister. Don't hurt her. It doesn't really apply here. You get that, right? I'm totally happy. I'm totally comfortable with you. It's not the same."
"Yes. Okay. But I'd hug my sister, but that would be weird."
"Sure. It would be. But I'm not your sister."
"Okaaay?"
"Look. You said it yourself. A lot of what happened between me and Angela was because I do protect Nate. In my own way. It's natural. He's just growling at you."
"And, you told me some of what happened but what was that about not looking for someone?"
"Unh." I groaned. "Complicated and not my story to tell really. It's okay. Please, it's private. To her. Can you accept if I just say, it's okay now."
"Okay. You're not upset."
"Nope. Relieved it ended as well as it did. Happy you're here. Can we forget all that and just play?"
"Mmmmm."
He relaxed a little but he was still a bit tense. I rolled him over onto his back and straddled him. I put his hands firmly on my breasts.
"Here. Rub them. Feel them. Nice? Huh?"
He nodded.
I closed my eyes. Concentrated on the feel of his hands on my breasts through the cotton.
"I like sucking on Jade's." I said. "It made me feel girly and submissive. I liked it."
"You want me to ask about her?"
"No. I'll tell you. I felt like that. Needy. But she, she couldn't see me that way. I hate that phrase - 'Ice queen'. I'm not. I'm anything but icy. I'm a mess of emotions. So I had to be on top with her. She wanted it like that. It was good. And with you it's good. But I feel like that more. You understand?"
"You're complicated."
"Not really. Not like this. You're touching me here makes me want it more. Will you do something for me?"
"Anything."
"Do me like before. With your hand. And I'll tell you about Keefer."
"Who's he?"
I rolled off him, nestled into his arm and put his hand between my legs.
"Just a guy. I never was with him. Not really. He works up the valley. Another vineyard."
Petey's hand was slowly rubbing. He had the right firmness. I folded his other arm tighter, pressed his hand onto my breast.
"You like him?"
"I don't know him. I was on a visit with my Dad once. I wandered around. He was in the part of their plant where they take out the mulch. It smells. A nice smell. Grapey. Fermenting. He looked fit. It was warm. We were alone together."
"When was this?"
"Last year."
"Last year."
I paused. Petey's fingers were a little firmer. I gripped his arm. It was good. Lying on him like this, I couldn't bend my arm to reach his cock. It wobbled beside me. I wriggled around, looked up at him.
"Is this okay? You like?"
He nodded. I managed to get a hand on him. He flinched.
"I fucking love you Petey." I said.
He bit his lip.
"I was wearing a skirt and a teeshirt. When he looked at me, it was like, so obvious he wanted me.
"You're Jessica Valet." He said.
"I said yes and he looked kind of thrilled. I asked him his name. Keefer. He started to show me around the place. I didn't care about their winery but I liked listening to him. I felt needy and horny and all I wanted was for him to fuck me in the barn, there and then. I wanted to give myself to him. This sounds bitchy, but I felt like a glamorous princess and he was this lowly farm hand."
"I get it."
"He did too. But he wasn't cocky. He just looked delighted and nervous. He asked if we were going to buy the place and I said I hoped so."
I groaned. Petey rubbed too slow but I wanted it like this. Langorous. Unhurried. I felt the warm, acid feelings wash into me.
"He asked why and I said it would be nice to see him again and he, it was like, he'd suspected before, but now he knew I wanted him to fuck me. I didn't care. I liked him knowing. I just, looked at him. No guile and if we'd stayed just a minute longer I'd have turned around and beckoned him to do me against the wall."
"But no?"
"But no?"
"There were ... voices ... outside. Oh Petey. And the moment passed. But when I masturbate. I think about him. He works for us now. If I see him again. He'll smile. Like he did ... before. And I'll fucking want it again. I just know."
I grabbed Petey's arm and I came. I wasn't doing a good job on him with my hand but I held on as the orgasm wracked me and I kissed the back of his arm to show him how I loved what he did for me but that was all I could reach. My head was pressed into his shoulder and his hand shifted to my forehead and I was almost over it and I spread my legs wider and he thrummed on me just perfectly fast and hard.
I twisted around and gave him a smouldering look.
"You are fucking amazing." I said. "Better than a girl or a boy."
He looked happy. I was on fire.
"Now, I'm going to slide onto your cock and you're going to cum in me. I don't care. I just want it in me.
I straddled him again and with my hand, guided him into me. I was sopping and it took almost no effort to grind my pussy down his shaft to the hilt.
My pubic hair was a soft vee of strands with a little tuft just over my slit. I'd never shaved it. My little tuft met his dark curls. Looking down, it was so pretty. Perfect.
"Hello." I said and grinned at him as I cirlcled my pussy on his groin.
He looked stunned.
"How does it feel inside Jessica Valet's pussy?" I asked. Smiling widely. "I hear it's the stuff of little boy's dreams."
"Jesus Christ." Was all he could manage.
"I love you Petey." I said. "I've never told any other boy that. You're not the first cock in this pussy and you won't be the last but you're the only one I want like this. You said you can't possess me. Too late. You already do. You own me. Like I own you. Now cum inside me. I want it. I want you to have this. I kissed him as he spasmed inside me. It was awkward as he spasmed but I locked my lips on his and thrust my arms around him.
I rocked on him, smiling, entwining my fingers in his hair as he subsided.
"Good, huh?" I grinned.
"Are you? Are you on birth control?" He gasped.
"Oh! No." I said. "Maybe you've knocked me up. My Dad will be so pissed."
The sex made him stupider than ever. He looked aghast.
"Oh don't be silly. Of course I am. Who do you think I am?"
"Oh my God Jessica. I'm sorry I didn't last."
I rolled off him. "I already came, really hard. I just wanted to have you inside me. Cum in me. I wanted to seal our relationship. I loved it. Making you feel like that. Now, snuggle again. Spoon me. I want your hands on me."
He was still shuddering a little. I felt good. Warm and satisfied and in love and wanted and appreciated.
He murmured how much he loved me into my neck and in a few minutes he was asleep. I lay, feeling his warmth around me, savouring him.
The only dark cloud was that it was too risky to do this every night. I wanted him to sleep with me but we would get caught if we did it too often. Dad and Mom would be fucking downstairs themselves. I could guess from the way Dad had looked at her and the way she'd been flirting.
Maybe Nate and Angela too. Or maybe not. I suspected there had been tears. Nate had looked like he'd had a long conversation with her. I hoped they were okay. I held onto Petey's arms around me.
I hoped I could keep from ever hurting him. I was promising myself I never would as I fell asleep.
I'd never woken up with a boy in my bed before. He was hot and sweaty. Heavy beside me. I felt a bit sticky too. I thought about his sperm inside me. Not an entirely unpleasant thought but still, pretty icky.
It was 7 am.
"Petey." I whispered. "Go back to your room."
He smiled goofily when he woke. Pleased with himself.
"Go on." I insisted. "Before anyone else gets up."
He would have stumbled into the corridor wearing my cami set if I hadn't stopped him.
"We need to be more careful next time." I said. "You should have pyjamas with you, not just your own clothes. And I should have set the alarm."
He grinned at 'Next time' and I bundled him out the door. He was cute but he really wasn't very sharp.
I showered and dressed quickly and hurried downstairs. I made eggs and bacon and cut a fruit salad.
Sure enough, Angela appeared, in a nightgown and looking a bit crumpled.
She stopped when she saw me. I gave her a look I hoped was sisterly and went over to her. Looking into her eyes for approval, I gave her a hug.
"Friends?" I asked.
"Yes. Okay." She said. "But just friends."
"Okay. I think I have enough going on in my life right now anyway." I said.
"Hmm. Nate said Petey was in your room."
"He's not my brother. Not even a step brother." I said.
"Yeah. But you won't be telling your Mom and Dad about it though, will you."
"No. But not because of that. It's because the sex is so freaky." I said.
"Ewww. Too much information Jess."
"Is it? Probably best not to bother them with it then."
"No. Or anything else." She said, pointedly.
"No. Or anything else." She said, pointedly.
"They wouldn't understand." I said. "And you don't need to worry about what you told Nate. I promised. I won't go looking."
"Thanks. I just ... I don't need to explain."
"No. You don't. Eggs? Bacon? Hangover cures are my speciality."
"Coffee first." She said and poured herself a mug.
Dad, Nate and eventually Mom appeared. Petey went for a run with Zin before breakfast.
"Jess? Did you tell your father you would help in the office this Summer?" Asked Mom.
"Yes. Learn the ropes. Earn some money." I said.
"Oh sweetie. I'd hoped you'd help at the institute with me. Help people. Set your sights a bit higher."
"Thanks a bunch dearest." Said Dad. "And nobody said you'd get paid Jess. This is philanthropy"
"How is it philanthropic?" She asked.
Petey had returned. He smiled at me as he sat to eat. Everyone noticed.
"She's going to help integrate the Southerland winery from up the valley. Keep me from having to cut their wages or fire anyone." XXXX the name.
Petey looked up. "The one you visited? Last year?" [Not right. She said they already worked here]
I could hear the edge on his voice. Already, he was jealous. This pleased me in a way I couldn't define.
"Yeah. You came with me, didn't you Jess? You said it looked run down."
"The winery hasn't had much investment." I said. "But what do I know?"
"More than you think. Probably more than the Southerlands. It's in your blood Jess."
"There's something in yours." I said. Everyone smells of alcohol here.
"We're not all quite so buttoned up Jess. Did you even have any fun last night?" Said Nate.
I gave him a look but he hadn't meant anything by it.
"In a way."I said.
I turned to Angela. "You're staying another day? I was thinking we might go into the city and do some shopping together? Or did you get your fill with Mom?"
"Eh, no, but ..."
"We were going to drive up the valley. Angela hasn't actually seen much of the estate yet." Said Nate.
"I'll go shopping with you Jess. If you like." Said Petey.
"Okay. Sure." I said. "Yes. We'll go. Another time Angela."
"Yes. Thanks."
It took us a little time to get ready. While I waited for Petey, Dad and I chatted about the XXXX estate.
"You don't regret saying you'd help, do you? Because I do think you would be good at this. And, you know Jessica, I may have joked about this before, but I think you really could make a great thing out of our business. You're always pretty vague about what you want to do in college, but whatever you do, this will always be an option for you."
"What about Nate? He's about to start studying Viticulture Dad?"
"Viticulture isn't wine. He'll make a great farmer. We sell wine. Wine is business. Not grapes."
"You think he'd be happy working for me?"
"Happier than some asshole CEO the board would appoint. You're family Jess. And he knows you're the smartest person in the room."
"Thanks Daddy." I said. "If every fibre of my being wasn't already screaming 'Run away' then I'd really consider this nepotistic offer."
"You say that. But you'll inherit Valet wines anyway. Either as shares or a buyout. Wouldn't continuing it as a family business be best?"
"Or possibly making my own way in a career of my own choosing?"
"You say that, but you know what? You do extra curricular activities to flesh out your CV but you don't have any real interest in any of them. Not that I see, anyway. Not like your Mom. You only have one passion."
"Which is?"
"This family."
"The business isn't the family Dad. We'd still be a family if you were an insurance salesman."
"This family has made wine in this valley for over a century. We came here from France with some Loire valley vines and we ..."
I yawned theatrically and he cuffed my head.
"Smartass. Why do you have to be like that?"
"Because sparring with you is the best Daddy. And I win. You resorted to violence first."
"In the face of your withering wit." He replied sarcastically. Then he frowned. "You told Petey about visiting the Southerland estate last year?"
"Eh, yeah." I said, blushing. He'd noticed that too.
"You want him to come work with you this Summer? He could be your assistant."
I was off-balance with the mention of the estate visit. Of course, he thought I'd mentioned it because of the Summer job. Without thinking I said "Yeah, I'll ask him."
"Ask me what?" Said Petey, coming up behind me.
"Jess wants you to work with her on the Southerland takeover this Summer. You'd earn some money of your own."
"Wow. Really? That would be great. But you wouldn't need to pay me. You already gave me a lot of money and you've taken me in, given me a home. I'd just like to pay you back something Mr. Valet."
Dad wasn't such a hardass that Petey's genuine, uncomplicated gratitude didn't move him a bit. I saw him swallow.
"Don't be silly. It's our pleasure, not just our duty, and you are a great kid Petey. I'd be more than happy to have you on the team. Now you kids go off. Have some fun and spend some money. Make him look a bit more respectable Jess."
We headed for the door. Dad waved us off.
In the car, I reached over and kissed Petey on the lips.
"What's that for?" He asked.
"Being you." I said and put the car in gear.
Shopping was boring. I remembered why I hated it. Especially with girls and Petey was as big a girl as any of my schoolfriends. He wanted to visit shop after shop. And of course, he couldn't just pick out stuff himself. We had to wander around, him looking nonchalant. Then he'd whisper to me and I'd have to take the items. Judge his size. See if they had it to fit him. See how much it cost. Then, Petey would have changed his mind and we would have to have another whispered conversation. He wanted to stretch his money as far as possible. He wouldn't let me pay.
Eventually I'd had enough and forced him to make up his mind. Then we went to some mens shops and I made all the decisions for him, and paid for all that. I kept him stylish but not too fashionable. Finally we could dump the shopping in the car and go for lunch.
Petey was elated with the whole experience. He loved his new clothes and he loved shopping with me, even if I was grumpy by the end.
Food raised my mood. Over lunch I explained about the Angela situation. I hadn't exactly promised not to tell anyone else but it gave me a pang all the same. I just didn't want to keep secrets from Petey, ever. He shared everything with me and it was important. He'd been right about her all along of course, though I didn't admit that.
For Petey, the idea that her Stepdad would split her and her stepsister up was horrifying. An only child, he'd longed for siblings, and now he had his new family, it made it seem all the worse.
"But she sent Nate to warn you not to look for her. And you promised not to. Why?"
"Not my business Petey, and I have to respect her wishes. I meddled more than enough."
"No, I mean why doesn't she want to find her?"
"I don't know. But it was the first thing she said. Maybe there's more to it. She said Marie blamed her. Hardly her fault, I imagine. But it's probably very painful. Maybe Angela feels it's better not to dig it all up again."
He thought about that for a minute.
"Do you want to ask me about the Southerland estate?" I asked.
"Why?"
"I saw the way you looked at me this morning. You were putting two and two together."
"Did I get five?"
"Yes. There's more to this."
I explained about what Dad had said about the restructure. It wasn't just that I'd been there. I felt we should be a more ethical business. And Dad had used that as leverage to make me work there for the Summer.
"But why does he want you to do that. I mean, I get it, he thinks you'd be good at it. But why use a kind of blackmail."
I toyed with my desert.
"He likes the idea of a family firm. Valet wines means a lot to him. Nate is, well, he has a good heart but Dad feels that, well, Dad comes more from the ruthless capitalist school of business. I think he sees me as a kindred spirit."
"But he's set you the task of integrating it without hurting the workers."
"Yes, and maybe he thinks I'll fail and be forced to admit it isn't possible and become his ruthless capitalist mini-me, or maybe I'll even succeed. Win win for Dad."
"Phew." Petey exhaled. "He is smart."
"Smarter than me?"
"I didn't say that." He laughed.
"So, how about it? Do you want to help me?"
"Of course. Though I can't imagine how I can be of any help. But I can do photocopies, make coffee, whatever."
I laughed.
"What's funny about that?"
"I was just thinking, you have the outfits to be a secretary."
He blushed.
"Don't." I said. "I can't wait to see you try them on. And I bought some fancy lingerie when you weren't looking."
"For you or me?"
"Either. That's the beauty of it."
I drove us home, happy and content, checking him out as I drove. In love with my boyfriend.
As we pulled in at home his phone rang. He looked serious as he saw the number.
The conversation was short. He just said, uh huh and Yes for a minute, then. "Okay, the fifteenth. At 3 pm, thank you." I guessed it was to do with his Father.
"I emailed Dad's lawyer. I have a visiting date arranged. I have to go there, in two days."
"You okay with that?"
"Yes. I want to see him. I want to let him know I'm doing fine. Nobody visits him. I feel I ought to."
"Okay. That's good, right?"
"Yes. Not sure how I feel about it. But yes. I have to do this."
"I'll come with you." I said.
He shook his head. "No. I don't want you to. I don't want you to see ... that place."
His Father was in a low-security prison. It was hardly Alcatraz. But I didn't push it.
"You are a good person Petey. It's good to visit him. He committed a crime, but it was just fraud. He's not ... you know."
Petey put his face in his hands and cried. He sobbed and his shoulders shook.
I unbuckled my seat belt and put my arms around him.
"He's all alone in there. He wasn't a good Father and he stole a lot of money. Not at gunpoint but it was still stealing. But he is my Dad and he's in prison. And he has no-one."
I hugged him and shushed him but he just needed to cry it out. He broke my heart. Hearing him cry was panful. I felt my own tears well up but I fought it own. I had to keep it together.
"Oh Petey, Petey. He has you. He will be delighted to see you and he'll be thrilled you're doing so well. And you can write to him now, right? He may not have been a good Father but you know he loves you. And he will be proud of you."
He got himself a bit more under control. He turned to me, his eyes burning. "I'm ashamed of him Jess. I can't help it. You and your family. Your Dad. He was always so jealous of him. He said he got everything and my Dad got nothing. But he never really worked hard. He wanted it all to come easy. Your Dad built this place. You work so hard. You've taught me to, I think. But my family is shit."
I shook my head. I took his face in my hands. "You're not shit. And neither is your Dad. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You don't have to make excuses. You can achieve anything you put your mind to. You're a much better person than me."
He shook his head sadly.
"You are. I'm mean and spiteful and manipulative. But you make me a better person. If I'd listened to you about Angela then I wouldn't have hurt her so badly. You are a good influence on me. I persuaded my Dad about the Southerland estate because of you. I would never have thought of it if I wasn't trying to live up to your image of me. If I didn't long for your respect. You are talented and creative and loving. I am so glad you came into my life and I will stand with you and support you through anything."
He seemed to soften a little. He looked a little less wretched. I pressed home.
"Now. Stop snivelling. Your Dad will want to see you happy and confident. Put all that shit aside. You know you feel guilty because you don't think you deserve happiness. You do. You can support your Dad and visit him and write to him till he gets out. All you can do for him is to live as well as you can. Make him proud. And you can bring Nate. He already offered and he is good company. Okay?"
He nodded. I hugged him tight again.
"You are my special boy. My only love. Don't run yourself down. Now, come inside and we'll clean you up. Oh, look."
Zinfandel was jumping up at Petey's side of the car. Angela and Nate were coming out of the doorway wearing jackets.
He bounced around, delighted to be going for a walk.
"He wants you to come." I said.
He smiled and wiped his tears away.
"Come too." He said.
"Best not." I said. "I want to give Nate and Angela some space."
They asked me to come too but I said I had stuff to do. I noticed Angela put her arm around Petey as they headed up the valley. My heart ground out a dark throb but I tried to put it aside. She could see he'd been crying. She was just comforting him.
Dad had gone into the office so I found Mom alone. She was at her own study desk, glasses on, reading some document.
"Did you buy lots of clothes?"
"For Petey. Yes. I got some underwear."
She gave me a dry smile. "You always look so good Jessica. Yet you buy fewer clothes than Nate."
"You always say to consume only what we need." I replied.
"Hmmm. I doubt that's my influence. So you're going to sink into your Father's corporate world, are you?"
"Don't be like that Mom. I'm not slighting you. I know we tease but I admire what you do. Your passion. Bit I may have a chance to do some good with him."
"It's okay Jess. I know you have ambition. You want to make people better than they are. Good luck with your Father. I've never had any control over him."
I laughed out loud. "Oh Mom. You know he adores you. All he does is try to impress you."
She rolled her eyes but she smiled all the same. "Why are you here Jess? Do you need something?"
"Advice." I said.
She looked skeptical. "What about?"
"Petey." I said.
I searched her reaction. She tried to look blank. But I could see it. She knew.
"Really, Petey's Dad." I said and I saw her expression clear, which confirmed it for me.
"What about him?"
I explained about the upcoming visit.
"I told him he should go. Support him. Make his Father proud of him. But am I right? I don't really know Uncle Steve. He is a convicted fraudster. I don't think he is a good father. I was kind of acting on instinct, telling Petey to keep in contact. But maybe that was the wrong thing to say. You knew him, a bit? What would you say?"
She looked around her stylish office, collecting her thoughts. "The thing is Jess. It's not your business. We're giving Petey a home, a stable life. But he needs to sort out his own issues with his Father. You really shouldn't get involved."
"I am involved Mom. I already told him to go. I said I'd go with him. He said no. But I will." [Jesus, this flip-flops]
She shook her head. "No. You absolutely shouldn't. Don't meddle Jess. Let them deal with their own issues. It's really nothing to do with you."
I almost burst out. "But I love him." But I bit my lip instead. She saw. She saw me struggle with it.
"Jess. You need to stay out of this. I don't really know Steven. Your Dad doesn't really either. They never actually lived together when they were little and your Dad always kept him at a distance.
Maybe prison will change him, maybe not. But you need to keep your distance too. You think you can fix everything. Everyone. But this isn't anything to do with you. Stay away. Let Petey deal with this on his own."
"I can't." I said defiantly, staring at my fingers, twisting in my lap.
"Why not Jess?" She asked, the answer written on both of our faces.
"I just can't." I said.
I stood up. We regarded each other. Again, I almost blurted it out, but the moment passed.
"You asked for my advice. There it is." She said. "But I'm sure you'll go your own way no matter what I say."
"I'm sorry." I said. "I appreciate the advice anyway. Really."
Upstairs, I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I'd stashed Petey's girl clothes in my room.
I wrestled with her advice. She was probably right. But there was no way I could leave this alone. I loved him too much. He wouldn't understand if I told him I couldn't support whatever he decided to do.
He was gone a long time with Nate and Angela. But we'd spent a lot of time together so perhaps he just wanted to get away from me for a while. I could be intense. I knew that. I wandered into his room. I liked the smell. I flipped through his sketchbook. He hadn't made much progress of course. I wanted him to finish one so I could put it on my wall. I found that I was tidying his desk for him.
"Stop Jess. Back off." I said to myself and I walked out.
I spent a bit of time in my room working on my laptop, trying to revive my powers of concentration. With effort I was able to put Petey out of my mind for a while and focus on the task at hand.
Zinfandel padded past my door.
I called to him but he didn't come in. Clearly I wasn't as popular with him as Petey or his favourite, Angela.
This meant they were back, but Petey hadn't come to find me. I felt stung, but really, I wasn't so immature to think he needed to be with me all the time. I felt a little rueful sympathy for all those girls I'd sneered for getting so swooney over their boyfriends. I realised that if I let myself I'd be just as clingy and irritating as any teenager in love.
So I kept going on the task I'd set myself. I kept working even when my phone beeped with a text from Jade and then another from Michelle.
I realised they were probably only getting out of bed now, the day more than half gone. I felt a little superior and kept working. The texts could wait.
Mom put her head around my door.
"I'm cooking. Leftovers. Ready in twenty minutes."
"Do you want help?" I asked.
"It's fine. Are you working on this thing for your Dad already?"
She knew me too well.
"Just preparing. I want to hit the ground running."
"Petey and Angela are at the pool." She said.
"Okay?" I said, looking up finally and giving her a challenging look. Now, she was just being irritating. She knew. She thought myself and Angela were still not getting on so she was testing me.
"Just thought you might want to join them. We'll be eating outside. It's still nice."
"Thanks. Maybe I will." I said.
I felt angry and jealous and irritated with myself for being so easily provoked.
Letting out a frustrated little grunt, I shut the laptop and got up.
I got out my most glamorous swimsuit and hopped into it quickly. I put my hair up and put on some makeup, adding some jewelry that I could swim in. I put on a beach wrap and slipped into some strappy sandals. I topped it all off with a headband. I checked myself in the mirror. Not too sexy but pretty damn fine too. I fetched a book and skipped downstairs. I'd have a bit of time to preen in front of Petey. Mom's twenty minutes probably meant forty.
They were indeed at the pool. Angela was swimming. Petey was watching her. My heart ground out it's jealous hum when I saw him. Zin was lying on the grass looking mournful. He didn't like the water.
I was pleased to see Petey's eyes go wide when he saw me. Angela came up for air and gave me a grin. She knew damn well what I was up to.
"Did you have a good walk?" I asked as I stretched out on a lounger.
"Yeah, we went up to the top field and then over the ridge. Zin kept getting lost in the vines and then he'd bark for us in a panic."
I let Petey babble on but then I opened my book and began to read, ignoring him.
Angela laughed.
"What's funny." Said Petey.
"Nothing." She said. "But you need to apologise."
"What for?" He asked, perplexed.
"Does it matter?" Said Angela. "Nate sometimes apologises just to cover stuff he thinks maybe he did."
This was a bit on the nose, though nobody else was there.
"Sorry Jessica." Said Petey.
"I don't know what for either." I said. "But I've come out without my sunglasses and now the book is glaring. Would you be a dear and fetch them from the car for me?"
Angela laughed again.
Petey glanced at her but he went off eagerly enough.
"Angela, don't." I said. "I don't want to have that conversation with Mom and Dad."
"Don't be silly. They know. A blind man could see the way he looks at you. Even without the swimsuit."
"And the way I look at him?" I asked. She'd swum over to me.
"Not so obvious. But when you do stuff like this ..."
She waved at my outfit.
"You are in a bikini." I pointed out.
She laughed again. "Nobody thinks I'm trying to steal your boyfriend Jess."
"I know." I sighed. "But even the thought of him looking at someone else makes my blood boil."
"Your Mom said you were working on your laptop." She said. "What were you doing?"
"Angela. I made a promise. I won't do that. I was just working on something for my Dad. With the business."
"Could you ask Nate to back off about it too? He hasn't made any such promise and he had another go at me on the walk while Petey wasn't there."
"I told Petey about your Sister." I said.
She gave me a sharp look. "I won't tell anyone else. But I don't keep secrets from him and he was there when Nate talked to me about it last night."
She closed her eyes in frustration.
"I'll talk to Nate though." I said. "He needs to respect your decision."
She looked at me again. "Thanks." She said. "He listens to you. I don't want it to be a problem between us."
"Can I give you some advice about him?" I said. "From someone who knows him."
She twisted her lips. "Hmmm. Advice from Miss Valet about manipulating boys. I think I ought to pass on that."
I ignored the jibe. "He doesn't respond to tears or pleading. If you want him to stop, just tell him to. Be firm. Tell him directly."
I ignored the jibe. "He doesn't respond to tears or pleading. If you want him to stop, just tell him to. Be firm. Tell him directly."
She slipped out of the pool. She looked fabulous. "Thanks, but I'll pass. I think I'll go my own way with Nate."
I pulled over another lounger beside mine so she could lie down but she declined. "I'm going to dry off and put on something more appropriate for Dinner." She said.
It was still spiky between us, despite the catharsis yesterday. I think I preferred it that way.
So, I looked like the slutty odd one out at the dinner table. I got looks from Mom, Dad and Nate while Angela smirked. Petey couldn't take his eyes off my bust, which of course, everyone noticed. After dessert, Mom actually asked me to go change into something more appropriate.
I grumped my way back up to my room, feeling outplayed. As I changed, my phone beeped again. I'd not even read the texts from Jade and Michelle earlier.
"Girls night out. Boys strictly prohibited. Snowstorm, 9pm then back to Michelles."
The later texts were demanding to know why I hadn't replied and pleading with me to come.
Snowstorm did a girls-only night on Sunday, trying to make themselves into some kind of lesbian scene but it was really just full of wannabes and shrieking teenagers.
"Can't wait." I replied. "Okay to stay over?"
I stripped off and was just reaching for a teeshirt when Nate knocked and barged straight in.
"Jesus Christ!" I yelled, covering my breasts.
"Sorry." He cringed and averted his gaze as I pulled on some pants and my top. "Sorry. Wasn't thinking.
I just wanted to say thanks and to say that I'm glad you and Angela are getting on so well."
I rolled my eyes.
"We're not friends Nate. Don't get the wrong impression. And thanks for what?"
He blinked stupidly.
"Well, for being so nice to her now."
"Am I being nice? That must have been a mistake."
"Well she seems to think so." He said.
[As usual, it's all so slow. Where is it even going? She needs to be a lot meaner. When is Angela leaving. Where are the stakes?]
He rolled his eyes back at me and left. It was surprising how quickly we could fall back into the way we were when we were younger. Would we be like this when I was twenty and he was twenty-five? A memory jolted me. When I was eight, I'd declared, at the dinner table, that I loved Nate and I was going to marry him when we were older. And, to top off the toe-curling sting of it, I'd then announced that we would have six children. Three girls and three boys. Like the Brady Bunch, which was my favourite show at the time. I remembered the hot pain of the laughter. The shame of it. And with it came a revelation. Before that announcement, I'd teased Nate all the time with my body. I'd stripped off my top with him when no-one else was around. I loved him so much. I'd kiss him and want him to kiss me. I'd laugh when he said no. It was a thrilling game of teasing to me, all the more fun because it made him so uncomfortable. After the dinner announcement debacle, the laughter, I'd never done this again. The memory stung sharply.
I'd put on a little black dress. My only one, and a go-to for evenings out. It was French. Purchased online from a Paris boutique. It always got admiring questions from my girlfriends. Now, it seemed tired and last season.
There was a knock.
"Yes?" I said, irritated.
Petey poked his nose around the door. "Is it okay to come in?"
"Yes. Come in." I said, hearing the edge on my voice.
"You're going out?" He asked.
"Yes. Girls night out." I said. "I have to make amends for last night."
He nodded. Looked pained.
"What is it?" I snapped.
"We were going to play a boardgame. Angela's last night here. Hoped you'd be here."
Angela's last night. I groaned. There were too many bridges to mend.
"Well. I'm going out. With my friends." I said. "Sorry. You'll have to play with her yourself."
"We all are. Monopoly. Your Dad says he's undefeated."
I scoffed. "Except for by me."
"Yes. He said you're ruthless."
I felt a sob well up.
"Petey?" I said. "Do you love me?"
"You know I do." He said, put out.
"Then please, just let me do this. Please. I want to go out. Dance with my friends. Be silly. Just be a teenager. Okay?"
"Of course Jess. You deserve it."
"No. I don't." I said. "I've been mean and manipulative. I manipulate you, Nate, my Dad. I need to just get out of this house and be with other people for a while. Okay?"
He nodded.
"Now. This dress won't do. I've worn it to the same place with the same people too many times. How about this?"
I held up a caramel-coloured dress with off-the shoulder pouffy sleeves.
"I don't know." He said. "What sort of place is it?"
"Nightclub. Dancing. Neon lights." I said.
"The sparkly one?" He suggested.
I sighed. He meant one with mirror spangles. I'd bought it on a whim and never worn it. I'd never felt less like wearing something so flashy.
"Why that one?"
"Lights? Good times?" He said, nervously.
I went over to him, stroked his cheek.
"You didn't ask if you could come." I said.
"You said girlfriends." He said, then I saw a look of shock and horror come over his face.
"No Jess. No. I'm not ready for that."
I bit back a laugh. I hadn't meant what he'd clearly thought I'd meant. But I didn't want to laugh at him.
"I didn't mean as a girl." I said. "I know you're not ready for that. But don't you want to come as my boyfriend?"
"If you want me to." He said. "But, eh, it doesn't sound that sort of night, right? Would you be the only one there with her boyfriend? And I don't know if I'm ready for that either to be honest. And I'm kind of looking forward to a night in with your family."
"Right." I said, slightly disappointed. "I mean, yeah, okay. But I thought maybe you'd be jealous?"
He squirmed. "Should I be? You said girls night out?"
"Yeah. But what do girls do on a night out?"
He squirmed more. "Pick up boys?"
"Uh huh. Except more like men, not boys. Aren't you worried?"
"I am now. I think. But before, you were teasing about XXXX. I mean, I kind of expected it?"
I sat down beside him.
"Yes. You're right to. And we need to be clear. I am teasing, a bit, but I'm serious too. You're suggesting I wear that flirty, spangly dress. That's not the sort of dress a girl wears, who has a boyfriend at home playing monopoly with her parents. Not a girl that intends to be faithful to him anyway."
I nodded to him while I said this. I was teasing but I needed to be sure we were on solid ground.
"I know." He gasped. "Oh My God Jess. Are you really going to do this?"
"Maybe." I said. "I mean, the option is always there. You understand?"
"Maybe." I said. "I mean, the option is always there. You understand?"
"Yes." He squeeked out.
"Okay. So we understand each other. Okay, I'll wear the dress."
I stripped off the little black dress and tossed it to him to hang back up. I watched him as I stepped into the spangly party dress. It was so short. It rode up my thighs. My breasts showed a lot in my balconette bra.
I stepped into my silver heels while I balanced a hand on his shoulder.
"How do I look?" I asked, but before he could answer I placed my mouth over his and pulled him to me. I kissed him. Slobbery, urgent, needy.
"I like this." I breathed. "You?"
"Yes. A lot." He sighed.
"You know, if I didn't have you, if we weren't together, I wouldn't be going out. I'd blow them off and beat my Dad at monopoly, right?
I mean, I'll have fun, and I need to make amends with Jade, but this is at least fifty percent for you."
"I get it." He breathed.
I rested my forehead against his. Inside, some more sensible Jess was screaming that this was a terrible idea. That I would regret it. But my heart was pounding. Blood whooshed through my brain. I felt light as. feather, like I was vibrating.
"I love you so much." I said. "It hurts. I want to eat you up. When I excite you like this it makes me feel like I've crawled inside you and I'm in your control room, pressing all the buttons."
"Oh Jess." He gasped.
"I don't know if anything's going to happen. Maybe not. But I won't make anything up. I want to be true. Genuine. But I'll come home and share everything with you either way, okay?"
"Yes. Thank you."
"My pleasure." I said.
I released him, stood back and took down a jacket. "I'll be home before midnight." I said. "I wont be drinking. I want to drive back. And Petey?"
"Yes?"
"He can't hold back bidding for the high value properties. Anything from the fourth side of the board. You can make him pay through the nose for any of the last three sections."
He chuckled. "That makes sense. So, hold a large amount and make him bid high?"
"Uh huh. And if you hold a purple street, he'll save up to buy it at any price.
Now, go on. I have to get going."
Downstairs I endured some Motherly clucking about being careful from Dad. My Mom observed my shorter than short dress and Angela looked slightly bemused that I was going out. I gave Nate a kiss on the cheek and startled him.
"What's that for?" He said, wiping off my lipstick as Angela frowned.
"In case I don't see you tomorrow before you go." I said. "And goodbye, just in case, Angela. It was lovely having you here. I'll look forward to your next visit."
I left them at the table, Dad eagerly setting up the pieces.
In the car, I groaned. What the fuck was I doing? The dress's tiny mirrored plastic discs poked into me and I struggled to toss off my shoes and put on the slip-ons I kept beneath the seat. It was cold and I turned up the heat. I put on some loud music and then snapped it off. Away from the lights of our driveway, I put on the full beam lights and drove down the valley towards the lights of the city.
At Snowstorm, I pulled in at the front of the building. I slipped the valet an extra twenty and strode to the front of the queue.
I didn't even have to smile at the security guard. He snapped up the red velvet cord and I heard the groans of the queue behind me as I strode in with just self-confidence and a Gucci jacket opening the way for me.
The jacket was my second-most expensive item of clothing, so I checked it and my little clutch purse. I slipped my credit card, phone, lipstick and a condom into my wrist-purse and stepped down the red carpeted stairs, the force of the music becoming a tangible pulse on my skin as I descended.
Eyes turned as I entered. The dress, the perfect hair, my look. If this feeling was something I'd ever wanted, I could have had it in spades, but it was just a part I played every now and again. It didn't contain even a shred of the real me.
I saw hands waving from a booth and I weaved through the dancers to the other side, through another security-defended red-velvet rope, and up steps to the VIP area. Michelle's father owned some aspect of the nightclub or the hotel it was part of, or something. If I'd been questioned at the door, his name would have been first out out of my lips.
"Why do you never answer your texts?" Yelled Michelle.
"Why would I?" I yelled back. "What do the messages say? Where are you? When are you getting here? We're in a booth over here? Where are you?"
"YES" Yelled Michelle. "Don't you even look at them?"
I shrugged. My phone had pinged all the way down the valley before they'd given up texting.
I shrugged. My phone had pinged all the way down the valley before they'd given up texting.
Across from me, Jade was yelling at Claire and Tara was yelling at Chrissy. Four little black dresses. Only Michelle had bucked the trend with a satin blouse and skirt. The table was covered in drinks. I picked up a mixer, shook it, and poured the half that was left into a glass.
"I'll get you a drink." Yelled Michelle.
"No thanks. I drove." I yelled. "Want to get back alive."
"At least have a proper drink." She said.
"Don't want it." I said. "Are we dancing?"
The noise made conversation impossible. And now I was here, I wanted to dance.
"Later." Yelled Jade.
I scooched over to her and leaned into her ear. "Are we good?" I asked. "I am a faithless bitch."
She shook her head. "No. you're not."
Then she looked at me more closely. "Or are you? No Petey? Fuck-Me dress?"
I giggled. "Maybe. Come on. Dance with me."
I dragged her from the booth. She took a glug of her drink before letting me pull her down into the dance floor. Even here the segregation of money ruled. There was a roped-off VIP part, more social demarcation but we went through that barrier and out into the very middle open area where it was sweatiest and most lively.
Jade, usually too cool for school, let herself go. This was her realm. Around us, the clubbers who came to dance made space and we joined in. We let the impossibly loud music just pass through us and we danced together and with nobody and with everyone. I had no idea about this kind of music but I yelled along with everyone when the DJ did something that made us yell and I grinned and smiled and winked at all the drugged up dancers around us. Eyes rolled over our bodies. But this crowd was too lost in chemicals and noise to really stare. We became just part of the neon, pulsing background.
I danced close with Jade and let my hands rove over her. I encouraged her and she did the same. As the music surged she took my face in her hands and kissed me on the lips and I pulled her to me too.
The crowd was probably two thirds girls but there simply weren't enough lesbians in the area to make a place like this viable, so boys were allowed in with partners. Some of these partners were very gay and girly, but we got some interested boy looks as we danced together. I gave encouraging looks back to them.
"What are you doing?" Hissed Jade in my ear. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Nothing. Just high spirits and horniness." I said.
"Who comes to a gay club to pick up a boy?" She asked.
"A faithless slut." I said.
Jade grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me from our spot, pushing through the crowd to the VIP bathrooms. I tried to pull away but her grip tightened determinedly.
The VIP bathrooms had no queue. Jade pushed me into a cubicle and shoved me onto the seat.
"Petey loves you." She hissed, angry.
"He knows I'm here." I said.
She glared at me and suddenly scrabbled at my wrist purse. I tried to stop her, but she bent my hand back and unzipped it. She rummaged and pulled out a condom.
"This isn't cool Jess." She said, holding it like damning evidence in my face.
I felt slightly bemused.
"We fucked." I said. "What's your point?"
I glimpsed her hand flick back before she slapped me. The force of it whipped my face around. I was so surprised and shocked I didn't even feel angry.
"Woah! What the fuck Jade?" I gasped. "Stop. You don't understand. He likes this. I tell him everything."
"Just because he likes it doesn't mean you should do it." She glared. "Listen to me Jess. You're difficult. Spiky. Hard to like. You've found a real, genuine, perfect boy. Perfect for you. You're unbelievably lucky. And this is how you treat him? Of course he likes it. He'd like anything you do. He's besotted. But does that give you the right to hurt him? Shame him? Abuse him? No. It doesn't."
She ripped open the condom wrapper, unfurled it and stamped it on the ground of the stall. I regarded her, still nonplussed by her anger.
"There'a a machine that sells them right outside." I said.
She grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "What is wrong with you? Don't do this Jess. Please."
I closed my eyes and shook my head. "You don't get it. I would never hurt him." I said. "I adore him. You're getting angry over nothing."
She looked like she wanted to spit in my face. Or hit me again.
"Please. Please." I said. "Don't ... don't be angry. It's okay. I won't if you say not to. But really, this isn't ... what you think. It's ... just a game."
She turned her head on one side. "A game? Who the fuck are you? The Jessica Valet I know is smarter than that."
I tried to pull her to me, kiss her again, but she pulled away. "No. No I won't. You're a sick person Jess. Sick."
She turned and went out, slamming the stall door behind her.
The whole blow-up had only taken a minute.
I hadn't felt great about myself before arriving. Now I wanted to flush myself away. Jade didn't understand, but that didn't make her wrong. I'd disgusted her. It was all over her face. I disgusted myself.
The condom was mashed into the floor. Ripped and dirty. I felt bile rising in the back of my throat. The toilet stall felt hot and claustrophobic. I crashed out of it and charged through the throng outside. I made for the exit, pushing through the crowds of dancers. i had to ring the bell for the cloakroom girl, it was so early she wasn't at her post. Outside, waiting for my car, the air seemed suddenly cold despite my jacket. When it arrived, I jammed a five into the valet's hand and pulled away without checking my rear-view causing a pick-up to blare at me, shattering my nerves still further.
In a few minutes I was heading back out of the city towards the welcoming darkness of the hills. My phone pinged and beeped at me. Where was I? Was I okay? Could they come and get me? Before I'd ignored them. but now, I pulled in as soon as it was safe and replied to them all. I was okay. Wanted to go home. I was fine. There was no message from Jade. I left her be.
I welcomed the darkness of the roads as I climbed back out of the city but I still felt wretched.
How long did a game of Monopoly take? The last thing I wanted was to crash in the front door and find them still playing. Why was I home so soon? What was wrong. had I been crying?
I was crying now. My tears made the beams smear and the road fuzzy. I slowed down. I was climbing the hills that lead to the valley. Dark pines lined the road. I tried to get my crying under control. As I emerged from the trees the valley, lit by moonlight spread out before me. Here, the vines came all the way down to the road. Only a low wire fence and a gap of hard-packed dry earth separated the roadside from the vines. Our vines. I pulled in, the car bouncing on hidden ruts in the soil. I got out. It was still so warm I didn't bother with my jacket. I picked my way gingerly over the sun-baked ruts to the wire fence. The road was deserted. I pulled up the he of my dress over my waist and pressed down on the fence, hoisted one leg over it and then the other. feeling the cold tang of the wire on my thigh. I clutched my arms around myself and scrunched through the tractor-torn clods to the cool green leaves, sprouting from the thick vines.
Between them, I stopped, stilled my breath and listened. The vines spoke. A long, slow, soft rustling sound. The barest breeze made the leaves rasp over each other. A continuous conversation that had gone on every year for half a century, since my grandfather had planted these vines.
Somewhere up the valley the XXXX vines were having their own conversation. And on the other side the XXXX estate Merlots were having theirs. All related. All transplanted here from Europe. Each of these gnarled, husky stalks had begun life in a field in France, then been taken on their long voyage to their new life in California. I lifted a leaf. Moonlight revealed the dark berries beneath. Even in daylight, they would have just looked like grapes to me but my Dad had announced we would harvest these, the oldest vines in exactly two weeks, weather allowing. He'd been repeating the vinyard manager's advice but he liked to be the one to confirm the date.
I plucked one, and popped it into my mouth. It was dry and tangy. For the first time ever, I felt a sense of ownwership of the whole place. My grapes. Mine and Nate's inheritance. The leaves rustled.
"Yours now." I murmured. "But once they're picked. They're ours."
I smiled to myself and turned to go, then froze. There was someone at the end of the row. Blocking my way back. A man. Over his shoulder I could see a heavy pickup pulled in behind my car. How had I not heard it stop? The moon was behind him, over the valley. Suddenly I was very conscious of my dress, it's mirror sparkles. My bare legs, my immodest hem.
"Is that you Miss Valet?" He said.
I couldn't place the voice. I knew him. But I didn't know him.
"Is everything okay?" He asked again. His face was in darkness. If he took one more step I would scream.
"Everything is fine." I said, surprised at how firm my voice sounded.
"I saw a car." He said. "Wondered if it was kids from the city. They set fires. Drink beer. Can cause a lot of damage."
It was Billy Henderson. Old man Henderson's nephew. He was maybe a little simple. He helped out at the depot.
I took a step nearer, relieved. Then stopped. He had a gun. A short pistol. Surprisingly modern looking.
"It's okay Billy." I said. "I was coming back from the city. Wanted to see the vines in the moonlight."
He smiled. I could see his face now. His smile turned into a grin.
"Yeah." He said. "I know. It's so peaceful. So beautiful."
His eyes looked odd. Or maybe that was just the dark and moonlight. He waved his arms wide, unconcious of the gun. "You own all this." He said, his spread arms encompassing the whole side of valley.
"Along with Nate. And my Father." I said. "They're waiting for me."
He frowned. Looked at me, then at the gun.
"I'm not going to harm you." He said.
"No. You're not." I said. There was an edge on his voice. He'd detected the accusation in my words. He was offended. It frightened me even more.
He looked me over more frankly than he had before. Now, with this sourness between us, he was careless of his gaze.
"You're very pretty." He said.
"Go back to your car Billy." I said.
He gave me an angry, pitying look, and shook his head. He would go now, or I was in big trouble. I had no idea what I would do. He blocked my way. He was armed. I was trapped with only one way to go. Up the hill between the impassable vines, further away from safety.
"Whore."
He spat the word and then tucked the pistol into his belt. I felt the shock of adrenaline hit me and then he turned and stumped back to the fence. He casually stepped over the wire and around his car, not glancing back once. His beams came on and he gunned the pickup up the valley road, the engine roaring.
Had I been close to being raped? Would he have done that? Was it so surprising he had taken his gun with him. Kids did come into the valley to drink beer. They made fires and didn't put them out properly. Sparks could cause untold damage. His story was plausible. But he'd frightened me. And he'd known.
I stumbled back to the car and fumbled the key in the ignition. I was still trembling when I pulled into our drive.
There were still lights on downstairs. I breathed deep. I'd left hoping to clear up my mess with Jade and hopefully unwind with some good times. I'd made a bigger mess and was more wound up than ever. All I wanted now was to crawl into bed and try to forget this evening. It was only eleven o clock. I considered sneaking around the house, climbing the storehouse wall and then over to my balcony. Sneaking in before curfew seemed appropriate for such a crazy day. But as I was locking the car, Petey came out with Zinfandel. He bounced over and nuzzled my crotch. His wet nose on my thighs made me squeel a little.
"Zin! Leave her alone." He hissed. I was relieved. If he was quiet, it meant the others had gone to bed.
"Why does he do that?" He said and I laughed, pushing the crazy dog away.
"You're back early." He said, leaving the door open.
I shook my head. "Close it." I said. "I'll come with you."
It had got a little colder and I pulled my jacket on. Zinfandel bounced around us as we circled the house.
"Yes. I ... I wanted to come home." I said. "I'll tell you about it later. How was it here?"
"Your Dad still won." He said. "I made him pay dearly for Broadway but he ground down Nate and Angela and he ended up with too big a lead to catch."
"So, all good then." I said.
"Yeah. It was nice. I missed you."
"I wish I'd stayed." I said. "I fucked things up worse with Jade."
"Right. Shit." He said. "And nothing else?"
I sighed. I couldn't blame him. I'd left him keyed up with hints of infidelity and juicy stories. He'd probably thought of me getting railed in a nightclub cubicle all evening. I declined to tell him about Billy Henderson for now.
"No. Nothing else." I said. "I wasn't in the mood after rowing with Jade. Disappointed?"
"Fuck. No. Yes. I don't know." He said. "Is it weird if I am?"
"No." I said, and slid my arm around his. "And it's okay to be relieved too. I want to sleep with you again. But no sex. Okay? I just want to feel your arms around me."
"Okay. Yes."
I felt a pang that he agreed so readily. Didn't he want me? Or maybe he was just happy to sleep with me. Zinfandel made little runs around us and then would dash off into the darkness of the vinyard, bark and come running back, his tail wagging in delight, as if he was surprised to find us every time. As we reached the rear of the house, and the light spilling from the patio he suddenly stopped and stiffened, staring into the darkness at the far end of the garden. Petey walked on, but I stopped too and tried to see what he saw in the dark shapes beyond the spill of light.
"Is it a squirrel boy?" I asked.
A low, ominous growl came from Zinfandel. A noise I'd not heard him make before. Somehow it didn't seem a squirrel would warrant the sound.
Suddenly, I didn't want to know. I hurreied after Petey and only turned in the doorway to whistle the dog inside. Zin came, but still looking back over his shoulder at whatever he'd sensed in the darkness.
That night, I curled my arms around Petey and spooned him. He purred with pleasure and squeezed my arms back. But inside I felt scared and small.
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