Eva Lovia's HA HA's

Have you read "The Mirror and the Light?"

No matter. In it, there's a recurring theme of Anne Boleyn's HA-HAs *. These are carved initials, H and A which are all over Henry's residences, carved in the panelling woodwork and lintels. Now, with Anne executed, Henry has them all removed, as in a Stalinist purge. But some are hard to find, or in out of the way spaces. It's rich symbolism, Anne's murder hangs over the remainder of Henry's reign like an unquiet spirit.

I have removed Eva Lovia's image from my header avatars and wherever else I put her in a general fandom sense. I adored Eva. I made three PMVs of her stuff. My longest story has her image all over. I made Gifs and captioned images. I subscribed to both her websites.

Now, I'm removing her. But she hangs around everywhere. Removing her from 'Eva's new lifestyle' is the hardest. It is covered in hundreds of her images. Its' main character is named after her. And even when  I do, she's going to hang around everywhere like a beautiful ghost - the worst kind.

I deleted a giant 500G folder of her porn from my hard drive. Surprisingly easy to do. But emptying the wastebin took long, painful minutes.

I'm sure plenty of other pornstars I like have illiberal views but somehow her bullshit grated all the harder because I liked her so much. Even then I might have ignored it if she just came out and said what's on her mind, but she does that passive retweeting of Pro-Trump asswipes that spread lies without actually saying them, which feels worse.

So, goodbye Eva. I will never make that sweet potato mash from your cooking twitch stream now.


*  Not to be confused with Anne Boleyn's Hoo Ha, which was a whole other matter.

Update.

Eva's hooks were in deeper than I thought. One HA HA I couldn't delete was a PMV I'd been working on. I thought about deleting it, but the thought of losing all those hours of work was too much. So, of course, I went back to it. I'd deleted the source files in the great Eva purge but there were only a few so I re-downloaded them and I've kept working on it.

Like most PMVs, this one evolved. In fact the file is still called NatashaASMRCuck because it began as a PMV based around one of Natasha of Natasha's Bedroom ASMR files. But I added some Eva JOI clips into that and then some more and eventually it just all became Eva Lovia. You see the problem. She just ... takes over.

The music is Orbital's dreamy 'Halcyon' and there's a lot of repetition. Eva posing, Eva doing that JOI movement, Eva repeating phrases. There's really two halves. In the first, she poses, poses poses, then it slowly adds JOI suggestions and then mixes in the initial scenes from Brazzers' Real Wife Stories video where she has invited some guy around to arrange a threesome with her husband, but after she sees his cock she goes, changes into lingerie and they fuck. I think that scene is the one where she looks best. Her hair in particular is just perfect. Long, soft curls. Her expressions and phrases when she's talking to the guy are just priceless. That morphs into a long section where she's jerking him off and repeating how it's okay and her husband won't mind. 

The second section is more repeated phrases where she's doing more JOI, presumably with the viewer/her husband which then slowly mixes with more scenes from her Vixen movie where she's wearing those Transparenze opaque suspender pantyhose. The JOI contrasts with more scens of her jerking off her partner in that one and as the music reaches the breakbeat section I mix in a clip of Larkin Love saying 'It tastes so good to be a Cuck' and we're into hardcore scenes from the Vixen and Brazzers movie mixed with more JOI and to the finish. No actual cumshot, it just fades out with sounds of her being rhythmically pounded, shots of her fingers gripping the bedsheets and her intoning 'Long, firm strokes' over and over.

So, this is my HA HA. I'm nearly finished it, and then that's it. I swear.

Audio Script : Friends to Lovers. Fetish. FSub.

Friends become lovers. I want to be your slutgirl. L-Bombs.

What I tried to do with this one is really lean in to the L-Bombs.

In my mind, our star girl has always liked our guy, but they're friends. She doesn't think of him as a potential partner because, friends. After a breakup, she explores her kinkier, submissive  side, which he felt she couldn't do with their ex. She has some random encounters over a few months but they don't work out. But hey, maybe her housemate? She'd heard he was into DS stuff, he's single and they're alone together all Summer. She thinks he'll be into it.

She's quite obsessive and thorough, so she writes out her desires and limits, since that's what all the D/S guide books advise. And, as she does so, she begins to realise she has real feelings for our guy. In my mind, she is surprised to find herself writing 'Slutgirl loves Daddy.' at the end. She hadn't known this when she began.

Originally, the reading of her D/S statement took longer and there was no sex. But hey, where's the fun in that? Then, of course it was too long, so I went back and edited it all down, removing anything  I thought was flabby. So it moves along at a breakneck pace. I find pacing hard.
All this is wish-fulfilment, right? I have to admit, though, for me the wish is to be Jessica, not our unnamed guy.
------------------
Extract : near the middle
------------------

I realised. After like the fifth one. Another one night stand. You can't have that kind of relationship in one night. It takes time. Intimacy.

And privacy.

And /we/ have that in spades. The whole Summer. Just the two of us in this house. Alone.

Will I tell you what I want?

I want to wear just some stockings and heels and a little boob tube. No panties. Nothing else. Around the house. Every evening.

I want to put my head in your lap when we watch TV and feel you grow hard. And then slowly suck your cock into my mouth for hours and hours.

I want you to fuck me. Whenever you want. Wherever you want. I want it to be dominant. And hard.

I want to be your slutty little plaything. All Summer.

It needs to be with someone I trust. Someone I have feelings for. Someone who knows what they're doing.

Do I know what /I'm/ doing? Of course. *laughs* How well do you know me?

I've read all the books. The good ones. I've listened to advice. I've thought about it. A lot!

I've written it all out. Here. We can go through it. The limits. The safewords. What we want out of this. What we want to avoid.

Yeah. Look here. I have four pages. I'm always thorough.

Let's start at the top. You want to go through it? Okay.

So I started with a statement. Like a mission statement. A guiding principle.

*reading* I, Jessica Lawlor, want to feel like a slutty little whore. I want to feel safe and protected. That my Daddy understands me. 

*to him* Yeah. I want to call you Daddy.

*reading* That he cares for me. That he enjoys using me for his pleasure and understands my pleasure comes from being used. I want cuddles, and before care, and after care, and during care. I want to feel desired. I want to be his slut.

*reading* I want Daddy to enjoy using me. I want him to feel comfortable with my limits so he can take me there, whenever he wants and feel secure in knowing that I feel safe with him. I want Daddy to know that I will always tell him the moment anything feels wrong. Even if it felt right some time before. I want Daddy to know that /I/ understand that being assertive and dominant is hard work. But in return I give him my body and my soul to be used by him.

*to him* I know there's a lot of 'I wants' in there, but that's kind of the point, right? So you know. You could write your own. It's more difficult than I thought.

*to him*  Okay. Yeah? There's lots more. We're into specifics now.

*reading* I want to be clear that what goes on at home, stays at home. We will neither of us ever break this confidence.

*reading* I want to dress how I like, when I like. If I dress slutty. I'm probably 'on'. If I dress conservatively, I'm probably off. But you need to be sure. Daddy can check easily by just asking how I feel.

*to him* Writing this out. That seemed wrong. But now I'm reading it. It's okay. I can picture it. You can always ask. It won't break the mood. I mean 'do you want this?' When the answer is yes, then that increases the passion, right? And if it's no. Then you were right to ask. Right? Yeah.

*reading* I retain the right to be on or off whenever I want and with no notice or explanation. When I'm on, Daddy can use me all he wants, subject to this agreement. When I'm off. We're back to friends again. Hugs are fine but nothing beyond that. Daddy doesn't get to ask why.

*reading* My safeword is doorbell. If I'm gagged or have Daddy's cock in my mouth then the safeword gesture is the thumbs down sign. If my hands are tied and my mouth is gagged then I can signal with a nose wiggle.

*to him* Yeah. Like this. I know. It /is/ cute. Isn't this fun? I am getting so wet reading this to you,.

*cough* *reading* For this reason. I can never be masked and gagged at the same time. But mask without gag is okay and gag without mask, more than okay. I like being gagged.

*reading* I want to be lubed all the time. I like feeling ready. I will endeavour to be lubed for Daddy's cock or fingers all the time but it's Daddy's responsibility to be sure that I am properly lubricated for him.

*reading* I love to be spanked. But spanking is special. It needs to be with verbal domination, or during sex when I'm already very aroused. Just a random spank in the hallway is not okay, even if I am 'on'. It has to be in the context of sex or a sexual scene.

*to him* Is this okay? Have I gone into too much detail? I'm aware of my tendency to obsess and overwork things.

*to him* No? It's good? I have to tell you, I enjoyed writing all this out and thinking it through. It was hard, but really liberating. I've been anticipating you coming home all day, so I could read it to you. But the reality is even more of a fucking rush though.

*cough* I'll go on, shall I?

*reading* I have a wide variety of harnesses and butt-plugs and sex toys that I bought when I was trying to explore this side of me. Turns out I don't much enjoy ropes. But I do like feeling constrained by straps. I love being gagged. But I also like to talk.

*to him* Yeah, I know, some of this isn't a surprise. *laughs*

*ahem* *reading* I like wearing slutty clothes and outfits but I also like being exposed. I want to explore all of these contradictions and kinks with Daddy. I want to experiment,  and I reserve the right to be illogical, complicated, contradictory and impossibly frustrating. Daddy doesn't get to complain about this. But in compensation he gets to explore all of this with me.

*reading*  I want to drink pints of Daddy's semen. I want all of it. Daddy is not allowed to masturbate or, /does this even need to be said?/ go with any other woman during the length of this agreement.

*reading* I want to sleep with Daddy in his bed.  I want to wake up with his arms around me. Daddy and I need to go to bed at the same time. If I am tired he needs to come to bed with me. If he is tired he can bring me to bed. Daddy is not allowed to get up before me. Even if this means he has to wake me up, like if he has an early shift at work. At all times I am to be his special slut girl.

*to him* *emotional* *there's a tear rolling down her cheek* Sorry. Could you fetch me some water?

*drinking sounds*

*to him* No. I'm fine. Good, really. Could you give me just a little hint of what you're thinking? I like the silent brooding hulk thing but I'm kind of opening myself up here and a hint of feedback ...

* to him* Is that nod telling me you agree to everything?

Okay. Especially waking up beside me? *emotional laugh* Sure. Yes. That's my favourite part too.

Okay. On we go. Over the page. Last one.

*reading* I want to be called names. Slut, whore, cunt, fuck-toy. That kind of thing. Also, possessive. I am /Daddy's/ slutgirl. I want to be reminded of that. Constantly.  I don't want to be called a bitch because that makes me sound mean. Words that emphasise my sexual submissiveness and neediness are positive. Words that make me feel worthless are not. I reserve the right to change my mind on this without notice or reason. See point 5a.

*reading* Daddy is to be assertive and dominant over his slutgirl. When we are 'on' he will put me, his slutgirl, into positions to emphasise his control and mastery of my body. I will not be putting any effort into thinking stuff up. It is Daddy's responsibility to invent, vary and extemporise scenes. He will need to explore just how I want to be dominated and used, and he will use his imagination and strength to try things out. I will give feedback before, after and during on how this is working. Both slutgirl and Daddy understand and accept that I can be a demanding and needy pain-in-the-ass but we agree to go ahead with this anyway. I will do my best to be as flexible and positive as I can and Daddy will do his best to do the same.

*to him* Last bit. Are we still okay?

Because this is the hard bit.

*reading, slowly* Slutgirl loves Daddy. I reserve the right to say this before during and after.

*sniff*

Oh. *Kissing sounds*

*slightly dreamy from here on*

You're right. I didn't put down anything about kissing.

How could I have forgotten?

I /love/ kissing.


Continue reading the full script.

Eva's new lifestyle extract. Sex doll, dressing, so much more.

This is an extract from my longer-than-War-and-Peace femdom/cuckold novel 'Eva's new lifestyle'.

In it, Eva and her cuck hubby-to-be Francis, have started a femdom website to publish her porn and it has a growing fanbase. Eva regularly hosts video webchats on the site, and this is one. (120,000 words fast-forwarded there) This chat is a kind of reverse ask-me-anything where Eva asks her audience a kind of 'Never have I ever' question and then probes one of them on the details. You'll pick it up.

Bear in mind, she's on a webcam but most of the audience are on a web chat. ELY stands for her username :EvaLovesYou.  GB1..N are just stand-ins for names which I planned to make up later. (Thinking up names is hard and it's an interruption when you're writing.)

This kind of stuff just falls out of me. I have no idea where it's going when I sit down to write.

ELY : Okay. Here we go, and remember to stay to the finish because I’ll be making a special announcement at the end. Actually two. Yes? Francis? Pay attention Francis. I’m being told yes. So does everyone know how to raise their hand? Let’s see you do it, for practice. And hands down. Okay. We’re good. So I’m in charge here. No buttinskis even though the chat is open. Imagine I have a gavel  and I’m not afraid to use it.

Somebody called this a Dutch auction in the forum and I had to look it up. It’s basically where the auctioneer sets a price and works down until somebody steps in, which isn’t quite what we’re doing, but anyway, that lead to me clicking on Dutch wife in Wikipedia,, which turns out to be a sex doll which I never knew either.

GB1 : This is  an education. But I knew Dutch auction wasn’t right.

GB2 : I think they meant a reverse auction, which is what this is, kinda. 

ELY : Okay, and I know there were questions suggested in advance, but I want to start off on a differenttopic. Has anyone here used a sex doll? I am keen to know. 

GB3 : Does a fleshlight count?

ELY : Hands  up! And  no, not really, I mean an actual doll, but we may come back to you GB3. Anyone used an actual doll? Hands up! Oh, just one. GB4?

GB4 : I have. Not a blow up one, a life-doll.

ELY : Cool. Do you have a picture?

GB4 : No. Not sure I’d want to post it if I did either. I don’t own it. Jesus, I’m regretting speaking up already.

ELY : Disappointing, but I meant a picture of the doll so we could look it up. Dish it, GB4. Don’t make me drag it out  of you.

GB4 : Okay. So, I like anime and cosplay and hentai and stuff? I was at a convention and I was staying with a buddy - don’t really know him very well, just online though the anime scene. Went back to his place to crash after the con. and he had a sex doll in his apartment. It’s called a real sex sex doll if you want to google. There are different ones. I think she was called Rita.

GB5 : Very  hentai.

ELY : Pretty. And wow expensive. Keep going GB4, you are racking up the points here.

GB4  : So this guy, he was kinda weird I have to say, was like ‘Hey, be my guest. Take her for a spin tonight’. I was kind of fascinated by her and (sorry, for saying her all the time, but it feels weird to say ‘it’) 

Continue

Audio Script Offer : Cuckold Wife JOI

Script Offer. F4M [Cuckolding] wife gives [Jerk off Instruction] to her husband. But [No touching] Encourages him to watch [FemDom] [Porn]. His needs are a chore. [Yawn]. She deserves so much better.

Jessica has sidelined her husband in the bedroom department. He's too much of a wimp and in awe of her to complain. He may also be a bit dim.

It's implied here that Jessica has informed her husband that she is having an affair with some man called Dieter and her husband has agreed to this. It seems this happened very recently

At the time she told him about it, she jerked him off. But now, Jessica doesn't want to be lumbered with taking care of hubby's needs all the time.

Notes for anyone thinking about reading it.
    *sounds*
    also,
    *some hint at the emotion of the speaker YMMV*
    /emphasis/  maybe obvious from the context.
(I always feel weird adding these as if they're instructions,
but everyone seems to do it.  Read it like you want you.)

***** We join, our couple, in bed. ****

Please honey, you're awfully twitchy.

Please. I'm trying to read.

*mildly annoyed* Oh honey. You're tossing and turning. I can't concentrate. What's the matter?

Is it Dieter? You saw me lay out my good pantyhose for tomorrow. You've figured out that I'm going on a date.

*sigh* Yes. I am.

Oh honey.  We talked about this. You said you were okay with it.

Stop. Stop. *closes book firmly*

*briskly, hiding her annoyance* Look. We'll talk. It's fine. I know. These ... changes .. take some adjustment. And communication. It's fine. Let's talk.

Oh. What's /that/ look?

*slightly annoyed* Oh I see. Now you have my attention,  you're happy again.

And you're flicking your eyes ... down there?

*little laugh* Oh honey. That's, slightly sad. You think when we talk about this, I'm going to jerk you off?

No. No. We need to /communicate/. You don't concentrate when I do that.

I think that's part of the problem, isn't it?

*sigh* I stroked you when I told you about Dieter. And you weren't really listening to the details were you?

Yes, I know you were listening. But you're here, all twitchy with me in bed. You haven't really taken it /on board/ have you?

Yes. Yes. You've accepted that I need to find ... release .. outside our marriage. But baby, /you/ need to take care of /your/ self. Okay?

*sigh* Well, clearly you haven't have you? You watched me lay out my lingerie. You /stared/ at me as I got into my nightie.

For goodness sake you even watched my brush out my hair with that puppy-dog face of yours.

And now, here you are, with a raging boner and you're all hot and bothered. How can I sleep or read with you like that?

No. No I'm not going to put you out of my bed. No. I'm not that cruel. We have to keep up, well, at least /this/ level of intimacy.

*firmly* No, I won't.

*sigh* *exasperated* I set you up with everything.

In the den.

The computer? The nice chair? The cheesecake posters on the wall. All the tissues, and the hand cream?

You need to /use/ them.

Continue reading

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I am torn by the conventions I see on GWA.

Describing what's going on or what is being _felt_ seems better, and then the performer can make of that what they will. But it feels like, if you have to say this, and it's not there in the text anyway, then aren't you failing on the show-don't-tell rule?

And trying to force the performer into a particular mind-set in that case, feels slightly creepily controlling. I know most authors say 'make of it what you will' but just making it passive is still kinda controlling. If you want it that way, read it yourself.

But then, putting, *firmly* in the script also feels kinda dumb. Don't the words imply that by themselves? How hard it is to follow those instructions, and even if you do ignore them and make-it-your-own, isn't even seeing the text kind of annoying?

Or

Just put in explicitly *exasperated* or *excited* or whatever.

Or

Just leave it plain and hope that the words inspire the performer on their own merit.

Of course, I'm anwering my own question - it's the final option. Maybe if I had more confidence in what I'm writing I wouldn't need *emotional*

Wolfords Satin de Luxe

I bought a pair of Wolford Satin de luxe pantyhose.
Buying pantyhose isn't a new thing for me. My order history on UkTights is a window into my soul.  But spending 50 euro on tights is a bit of an outlay even for me. However, I can now divide my life into the pre-Wolford wasteland and post-Wolford enlightenment.

 The pair of Satin de Luxe I bought are a soft, shimmery opaque delight. They caress and snuggle your legs like nothing else.

Now, having taken the plunge, I can't understand why I bought all those other opaque tights. I have a bag of them and I will probably never wear any of them again - except the Transparanze suspender tights, which I now have three pairs of - two 80 denier and one 55.

I only rarely have the opportunity to wear pantyhose, so when I do, why would I wear anything but the most luxurious? And these Satin de Luxe ones are the very epitome of luxury.

I mean, JUST LOOK AT THAT SHINE!

But the shine is nothing compared to the feel. It's everything I like about hose, TAKEN TO THE MAX!

Now, of course, I want more. And I've also looked at their equivalent stockings - which would have to be ordered with THIS!

PMV : Adria Rae Raw Something Evil.

 I've wanted to a PMV for Orbital's 'Satan' for a long time. I made starts but nothing that grabbed me enough to finish them.  Then I thought of doing one with the BlackedRaw series and picking best bits from various performers' sessions. I used a Mask overlay of a goat-head pentagram to 'Satan' it up a bit and then added some cuckold caption stuff. But over time, I found I preferred this particular Adria Rae threesome video best so I deleted everything else and doubled down on the captions.

Making captions more interesting than an endless smash of text is hard but I just moved them around, making use of the sameyness of the 'Being their ...' and 'I want to be ...' which then made me think of this.
There's a bit in 'Lost', the early 2000's TV show where there's a flippy-card countdown which reaches zero and then goes below zero into weird alien hieroglyphs, and I decideed to copy that effect.
Which meant downloading loads of weird fonts, which then don't denter on the same line and jump around, which was very fiddly.

But when I added that I liked it a lot and I kept at it until I was done. I don't think I've ever gone from start to finish of a PMV faster.

Adria Rae is great. She has an innocent look that makes these aggressive scenes all the better and this BlackedRaw features a lot of angles and positions I really like. (It could only be better if she were wearing some pantyhose).
She also looks at the camera a lot, which for these cuckold type scenes is essential. She really captures that 'Oh my God, can you believe what a slut I am?" look perfectly.

I dont like BlackedRaw much. It's too dark, most of the models are too skinny and they strip off way too fast. But darkly lit scenes like these make a strobe effect even better. I hope I didn't go overboard with it.

She also does an amazing anal creampie at the end - has there ever been a better one?

Adria Rae is an incredible performer. I think she takes porn to a level that we don't often see. As usual, for me it's not a question of her looks. It's more her looks. She looks at the camera with such raw emotion that you just can't help but feel empathy.

I think, to get a bit noodly here, that porn is totally different to other acting. The performer's partner is really the viewer. To be effecting, they have to draw the viewer in to their experience and Adria does that incredibly well in this scene.

Anyway, I'm really pleased with this one, despite it being quite simple really. Which probably means nobody else will like it, but I'm just doing these for me. And Adria.

Full video here.