Cuck Storm Replacement Comments.

 Didn't expect so many comments. It's great. Thank you all.

I feel guilty that I've only shared excerpts. I'm planning to share the first four chapers (the first one is much the same, breakfast-in-bed one from the first version) and an outline of all the rest. I've written a bunch of those, but they don't all connect up yet. 

In the meantime, because Blogger's comments are so crap - 

It’s hard to say what’s too much when you only have fragments to go by. Like you said in your earlier post, the slow burn of his cuckolding needed the mundane chapters to help build up the impact of the erotic ones. Everytime he thinks things are going back to normal, he gets hammered by his cucking. If you have enough downtime between the erotic events, I think it should be fine.

 I have two storylines that serve for downtime - his increasing success and dynamism at work and Ashley's increasing dissatisfaction with her own. As I see it, his attempts to distract himself from his reaction to Ashley cucking him make him work harder. Plus, they way this whole scenario has knocked him out of his complacency make him more of a risk-taker, which leads to good outcomes for work. But he never connects this to him becoming more attractive to Ashley, even though it is. 

It takes a while to reveal, but the rumours about Ashley in her workplace are affecting her. Her colleagues disrespect her, eventually leading to her leaving that workplace and changing her career.

I really liked the characterization of Ashley. You made it clear that she pities Dave which indicates that she does care for him. Seeing your husband reduced in status like that can’t be easy. But also, you can see her cunning. She knows that if she controls his orgasms, she controls the relationship. In this way, the nofap plot line is very logical. It makes me think that Ashley’s mother is going to play a much bigger role in our perception of the character. She and Ashley’s father got divorced at a young age, and this is an attempt to prevent that fate from ever happening to her.

I don't know if she pities him. She's intrigued by his reaction. She absolutely does love him, and she loves the way this lifestyle makes her feel, but she's concerned that if he continues to masturbate alone then their relationship will suffer. Plus, although he loves feeling slutty and Dave knowing about it, she shies away from him seeing her as she's just old-school embarrassed about someone watching her fuck. Especially as she's so submissive with Mike and she feels Dave might lose respect for her if he actually witnesses this in person. This is exacerbated by the way Mike talks about it - he's most interested in the cuck dynamic where he is essentially dominating Dave, by dominating her, and she doesn't really buy into that in the same way.

The audio at the end was a neat idea. It does seem pretty elaborate for a new cuckoldress to do. But like I said, without reading the work as a whole, it’s hard to tell if it’s too much too soon and it is an idea that I don’t see often. I’m wondering if he’s going to not go for it, but then he gets caught snooping on her laptop or something later. It would be a temptation that he can’t resist.

She wants them to do this together. Before this she's tried different ways for her and Dave to have sex in a cuckold context, short of him watching live. She wants him to jerk off over her in a way she controls. This is her latest attempt. There's video to follow in this scene. The point (for her) is for Dave to talk to her about how he feels.

From Another Anonymous user, or the same one, who can tell?

I liked this excerpt more than the one with Mike - think I have a vague disagreement about importance of Mike. Would rather see her go back to Jim, do something with Jay, and continue with Ryan and Chang stuff. Mike is great and he can be focus but I am less interested in them *dating*. That being said, I love it all, lol.

Given your photo choice, I'd love to see Ashley also open up with a sleeve tattoo or getting her tits pierced with Tamara. 100 percent agree with wanting to know more about submissive shirt. 

Oof. I'm pretty invested in Mike. I don't think we'll actually 'see' her with anyone else. That said, there's a world of imagination out there. Jim Murta is problematic for Ashley. However, Jay does feature in a fantasy session early on. (That fantasy scene in his parents house is one of the best in the originals I think).

Ryan and Chang never really did it for me, but there's that whole party with the submissive TeeShirt and Tamara to revisit. I'm writing that at the moment.

From Bermugandr

I don't think the pace is too fast. I think the previous version was maybe a bit too fast but I really liked the content in general. I wanted to see what happened next and the interactions with the friend and anther guy. To me I think an increase in pace was needed at this point. It's like the beginning of a coaster where you go slow as your pulled up to the top. I felt like at the end of the second book we where at the top of the coaster. Like at some point his internal tension has to break one way or another, no change in pace isn't realistic either. Often the first step is the hardest and things snowball from there with each step after coming faster. Either he starts accepting bit by bit that he wants to be cuckolded and a Sissy or he has to reject to all together.

I'm of the view that the originals work so well because while he thinks he wants to reject this, every action he takes is a subconscious attempt to embrace it. He sabotages himself at every turn. When he accepts it,  even bit by bit, the story is over. If he rejects it, then it turns into something different where Ashley is doing this to him over his protests.  I'm trying to keep that mental dichotomy up in Dave's head, but each ratchet makes it more and more unbelievable. 

I really liked the revaluation that she had been doing her own research and wasn't just going along with what mike told her to do. It removes a lot of his fears. I think your set up in this section could maybe be near to the front and a good jumping off point into something from your previous long story which is her own research, that outside of the games in there normal life he's still her man and husband and only his whining makes her lose any real respect for him.

Yeah. Ashley is smart. She sees through Mike's self-serving bullshit easier than Dave. She likes spending time with him and she loves fucking him, but essentially he's a friend who she could never be with as a partner. From the start, she's realised there's something slightly twisted in Mike. He's more interested in his Dominant relationship with Dave than with her. He likes fucking her, but that's mostly because it's a way to reinforce his dominance of Dave. He has no interest in being with a single woman. So of course, she's done her own research and she realises not everything is as it seems. 

She knows Dave's whining is not the full story - it's obvious he's really getting off on the whole scene. What she wants is for him is to be able to have a 'cuckold orgasm' with her. 

If you want her to continue as a loving wife, it's also key for her to tell him and him to slowly understand it's there love that makes this so good for her and makes it work at all. Like maybe on an arousal scale sex with him alone is like a 2, sex with mike alone is like a 5, she wouldn't be able to let go so much without him in the picture, but watching him masturbate to her and mikes video is like an 8 and having sex with Mike knowing that love of her life is at home unable to get pleasure and that he's thinking about how the love of his life is out with another man is like a 100. Not exactly like that and he may not full believe it at first. 

Mostly agree, except I'd reverse those last two - her ideal scene is Dave (submissively) jerking off over her after she's been completely satisfied. Imagining Dave denied and desperate while she gets fucked by Mike is cool, but she really wants to hear how she makes him feel and how, for him, she's this incredibly unattainable forbidding sexual being who's also a totally wanton slut. 

Same user? Different?  Who Knows? But, wow. You've put so much thought into this. Thank you. I'm sure it's not desreved.

So story board idea using a lot of what you already have.
1. This is before any camera's get installed and is the first video he sees.
2. She doesn't say anything just teases him with the video and her body and it doesn't take long till he's close.
4. She then pauses and it's just as she starts to give Mike a blowjob. Tells him she's never seen him this hard before nor leaking so much precum and he see's her start to masturbate. He see's an opportunity to convince her that she's what turn him on and not what she's doing. She says that's not true, that it's not just her but what she's doing to him. She then tells him Mike's not the first big cock she's sucked, he mumbles about Jim. She ignores this and say nor was Jim. But never until now was she turned on by giving a guy a blow job. It was the fact that she was giving Mike a blowjob while he, her husband and the man she loves, was at home locked up and unable to get any pleasure. That in this part he was the only thing turning her on and now he get's to see he give mike one of the best blowjobs ever because of how turned on her husband made her. He whines about this which causes her to stop masturbating and rebuke him that only his whining is causing her to lose respect for him.
5, She stops any come back by starting the video and his eye's are drawn to the screen. He tell himself he'll show her by not saying anything or masturbating. However, as if it has a mind of it's own his body takes over and he starts to masturbate and in no time he's close again.
6. Pause again. She tells him he must love being her cuck because he can't look away and masturbates so hard. After all he could just look at her and not the screen if it was really just about her. He decides to try and just not say anything but vows to himself he'll just keep looking at her.

7. However, just as it resumes he her's a slap and his eyes are immediately drawn to the screen. Distantly he hears her giggle but can't tear himself away as he's seeing his wife worship with her mouth another, larger cock while moaning after each slap. After a little bit of this he's close again and she pauses.

8. It's an effort but after a bit he's able to tear his eyes from the screen and back to her. She giggles again seeing his struggle and then starts to masturbate again. He asks her if he'd spank her would she go back to being his again. This time it's less whining and more begging or pleading which turns her on more. She explains that he couldn't as he's not that type of man. He starts to try and say something but she cut's him off. Saying she could never love or be with the type of man who could spank her or dominate her like Mike does. She know from experience loving or being with that type of man comes with more negatives than it's worth and what she's found with him is deeper than just sex after all big dicked dominate guys are a dime a dozen but a man who likes being cucked and is strong enough to let her cuck him is one in a million. She masturbating while saying this turned on by what she's doing to him but he can also see the deep love in her for him in her eyes.

9. Seeing her love for him echoed in his eyes she tells him that he can cum on her foot but he has to thank her for cucking him while he does.

10. At this point he's lost every argument pushing him further into a submission to her and his fears temporarily put to rest his true desire comes out. He thanks her profusely for cucking him while having the biggest orgasm of his life. She also has a big orgasm as she see's him cum.

11. before the come down can start she grabs his attention an tells him if he wants to see more of the video he has to lick his cum off her foot. Which he does and after finishing as he's hitting the low he see's her counting down.

12. Then you can have the after care scene you did previously. Give him the chance to stop it if he wants, he doesn't.

13.I think for timeline purposes a time skip would work well. Like they keep watching the video while masturbating and she shares what she was thinking/feeling and turned her on. Maybe the next scene is them at the end of the video with some progressions. He's not hesitating about thanking her for cucking him she's masturbating but now maybe wearing loose clothing so he just see her hands moving under her clothes. I don't think you need to show every little step and you included him masturbating with her clothed previously and I thought that was as good place for this to end up.

2/2

  You get to the difficulty with all this in point 13. It's too much in one scene, hitting every cuck thing in one session. If we're time-skipping in and out, like a movie might do, then you can string it out but the tension gets broken with every skip. To be honest, I think you suffer from the exactly the same eat-all-the-sweeties-in-the-bag-all-at-once problem that I do.

A the end of this scene he's thanking her for cucking him and after that, there's really nowhere to go.

Back the the point by point - I don't think she can only enjoy giving blowjobs knowing that Dave is denied - I think she does like sex, it's just better for her if it's kind of slutty. 

On the whining - in what I've written this time around, she never directly rebukes him for whining - it's always Mike. In fact, for her, while nobody likes listening to whining, she knows this is a symptom of the fact that her cucking him is eating him up. If he stopped whining it might meant he was becoming indifferent or inured to it, which wouldn't be a good thing for her. What she worries about is (a) them growing apart because of the cucking - indirectly because he's masturbating alone and (b) Dave and Mike getting into open conflict over her, because of Mike needling and belittling him, which she kind of enjoys in a dommy way, but she's aware - boys will be boys - that this kind of bullying might degenerate into open conflict which she'd have to end by dumping Mike. 

On the spanking - 'I like it but not from a man I love' - agree, but I don't think she'd spell it out so openly. As an aside AprilW9 - also known as AprilWould is a GWA audio performer on reddits GoneWildAudio forum. She has a really great cuckold audio on exactly this theme - Like to the reddit post,   Link to my blogpost about it.  

In it, she says something exactly like this while her bull is spanking her. Strong reccomend.

Phew. Anyhow, like I say above, I feel like I've whetted a lot of appetites and I hope I can satisfy them. I'm reluctant to push out much more until I can get a solid set of chapters, even the first four or so, that I'm totally happy with. When I get a chance I'll map out the outlines for each chapter and the first chapters I'm okay with, which may be nearer the middle as I'm finding the beginning the hardest.

Thanks for all the comments. I'm very enthused.

Al.