He becomes so obsessed with this that he ends up pursuing a path of letting her cuckold him again, even while deluding himself that he's trying to sop obsessing about it. It's so well done that even small incidents get blown up into powerful emotional surges and the reader is drawn inexorably into his world.
So, it turns out there's a sequel - Cuck Storm Horizon - that seamlessly follows from the first book. It's just as good - the only criticism is that he spends too much time away from his wife in the first half and there's fewer opportunities for him to be triggered. But after he gets home, it really heats up.
The first book is from 2011 second book came out on Amazon kindle in 2014. A three year gap and as far as I know, he never wrote anything else. At the end of 2016, he did an interview, here where he said the publication of a third book - Cuckold Uncharted - was imminent but it has never appeared.
The first cuck story I ever wrote was a continuation - really a rewrite - of an existing story I liked. Since then I've written a lot more cuck fiction. So I've had a go at doing a third part myself. I can't write like him, and that wouldn't be much fun either, but I liked the characters and the setup so much I wanted to give it a go.
After a first draft, I'm disappointed with it. As is always my failing, I just can't help driving the action on way too quickly. I make Ashely go out and buy cameras so Dave can watch her fuck, and before there's even a chance to use them, Mike is fucking her at the kitchen table. David McManus would be horrified at my helter-skelter pace. Worse, I couldn't keep up the introspection after page two and it's all just exposition.
So, I'm having another go. Unpicking it all back the the next morning and trying again. This time, I'm going to try to recreate the impact of some of the best parts in the original. The ones that stuck in my mind - the ones that made me go back were the moments when the protagonist realises his wife is about to go to bed with her stud. It's her manner in those moments that are so good. "We're going to go to bed now honey, okay?" It's all been leading up to this, but in an understated, ambiguous way and then it hits him. And she's looking for assent, but she knows it's coming. There's a slightly sad, but terribly exciting feel to these moments and they can't happen without a lot of build-up.
Update : So I went back to it and rewrote a lot of it. I added a lot more introspection and used that to low it all down more. But, I'm stuck again. The cameras are a problem for me. I want dialog and the cameras are one-way sound. I think the scenes where he listens at the door in the original don't work so well either. So I have to get around that somehow. Plus, I'm drawn to the impact of the first time David is in the room is more of Mike going. "I'm going to fuck her right here." That's sudden and jarring, and I like that, but it goes against the pace of the story. It's all fixable. I'll do another chapter.
Update June 2022
I wrote a lot more. As much and a half again, and I re-wrote some of the earlier parts. I'm still not happy but I found when I eliminated Ashley being more explicit with David, it began to lose any sense of reality. She really has to push him more after the birthday night.
I did it as an ebook (I work in InDesign). The ebook is here. It has some NSFW pictures as chapter breaks.
I also generated a PDF, no images. Here.
Comments welcome and appreciated, here or or on GoodReads
Writing good fiction is hard. I made one effort at it, and probably won't try again. I can write about my real life with ease, but trying to create a theme, work out and fine tune pace, plot and character, it's tougher, to do it well, than most people would assume.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this update to one of my favorite series ever. I'm in the middle of reading a few other things but will comment once I've had a chance to read it. But in the meantime, THANK YOU!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great achievement, imo. I tried something similar in the past but I just took scenes from my favorite stories, replaced the names, and then wrote transitions to make it flow.
ReplyDeleteAdditional comment to my comment: I've reread it twice and I think you've really captured the voice of the characters. I do think maybe it escalated too quickly based on the pace of the previous two novels but it's a strength in its own way. It skips the filler and gets right to the good stuff and keeps giving it to us. Scene, then introspection, scene, then introspection, and so on. Cutting out the other threads was the right call. The Murta and brother potential storylines didn't interest me at all. The only loss was the one with Jay. A hate fuck would have really turned up the cuck angst and it would have added the potential for Dave's mom to find out, which from the previous books we know he is dependent on. The other character aspect I think could have been touched more on was that that Ashley wasn't just unfulfilled sexually, she was a little disappointed with life. There are scenes in the previous books where it's clear that she was just going through the motions, almost like an existential crisis. I believe there is a section where Dave talks about how she wanted to be a pianist but gave it up in the first book. The only other critique I have is that I didn't like that we skipped over him seeing them have sex and then went right to anal. Don't get me wrong, it was a powerful scene, I was just a bit bummed out. Watching a "better man" dump his load into his wife would trigger all kinds of cucky thoughts about natural selection, denial, etc.
DeleteThanks so much for all the great feedback. I have gone back to this right from the start. I am pushing the scene the next morning until much later, which was hard to do, but once Ashley becomes more explicit about dominating him, a lot of the spark goes out of the dynamic. Also, on re-read I found Mike barely gets to speak compared to the original. So I am adding more dialog for him and more scenes with him.
DeleteGoing back to Murta or Jay or (Dave's brother, was he really going there?) don't interest me much. But I am doing a sequence where Ash goes to one of Mike's work functions with his friends.
Totally agree about Ash being unfulfilled. I missed the pianist bit, instead I went for her becoming much more dynamic in her work and Dave realising that he hates that.
The main difference though is that I slowed down all that first section. The Mike work-event and a Dave work event get inserted before the stay-over-with Mike evening. I was out of control when I wrote that. The escalation was escalating.
Thanks again for the great feedback. I find re-writing hard, and critiques like this really help.
This was shared with me in a chat. Thank you for continuing Dave's journey! Any resolution is better than the blue balls the author gave us. I think the one part that didn't work for me was the video cam section. I think she should have used a laptop as a camera and not worry about lighting until Dave specifically asked for it. The poor quality of the video is itself a form of denial and he'd end up focusing on little details he can make out to get off. I think you were going for that with what you have but I don't think you needed to get Ashley to escalate it herself. Drawing it out would also give you more time for Dave's inner monologue and for more conversations with Mike as you stated in the post. Just my two cents!
ReplyDeleteSo, see comment above. I pushed the video camera night to much later. In fact, I went instead with Mike and Ashley having sex when he's not able to listen for a while, in a bid to make him ask to watch. But Mike records some clips on his phone. Dave's introspection and imagination-run-wild are the best parts in the original I think.
DeleteWriting this really makes me think about what I find 'good' in cuck fiction. It's difficult. And again, feedback helps so much.
You'd imagine that everyone likes different aspects, but not so much I totally agree with the comments I'm getting.
What was the chat?
I posted a comment but it seems to have disappeared. Let me know if you didn't get it and I'll redo.
DeleteMore great feedback! I'd love to know what discord. I've been on a few but they were very focussed on live roleplay which I.m not really into.
DeleteI haven't read any of those stories you mention, but I'll absolutely look into them.
You touch on something interesting with the failure. One thing that I found odd in Reluctant Cuckold is that Dave's work life seems to be going very well. There's the whole extended part where he gives the great speech and, I thought, hints that some of his female colleagues are flirting with him. Maybe it's intended to contrast with his imploding marriage, but I'm not sure it works.
For me, having put off the part where Ashely gets him to admit he's a cuck so directly, Dave's lack of self-awareness and Ashley's breezy dismissal of his concerns feels increasingly unrealistic. I'm not sure how to solve this or even if I need to.
Thanks for the recommendations, and no, its not rambling.
It's the discord that the cuckold community on reddit made. I forgot what it's called because I deleted my account a few days ago. It was a 1-to-1 conversation.
DeleteThe contrast with Dave's career success seemed like it was either lazy writing or a nod to the stereotype. A lot of "powerful" men are into submission because they're tired of being the boss all the time or something.
And I agree with your take on the realism. After the second book, it needs to escalate. How fast this escalation would be is up to interpretation, but you seem to have a good handle on it. In my opinion, Ashley would be worried about losing Dave if she goes too fast. She needs to be completely sure that he's under her power and it seems like we skip right to that point in your current version. He has options and could leave at anytime, and Ashley would be aware of this even if she doesn't show it. That's one reason I was surprised you went right for the denial the morning after. A demonstration that he can't do for her what Mike can would help keep him in the mental cage he built for himself. Dave is the frog and cuckolding is the pot on the stove slowly getting turned up.
Also, Dave talks about her parents getting divorced when she was younger and I think that has a lot to do with their current dynamic. They're both codependent with mommy issues on opposite ends of the spectrum. Dave wants a nurturing, mommy type partner and Ashley wants the appearance of marital success to prove she's not her mother. I'm glad you're leaving an avenue to explore that angle.
Nice
ReplyDeleteAre you planning on updating this or continuing it? It's a wonderful effort, please do.
ReplyDeleteSome longer thoughts the next day. What's fun about this is you made some choices I wouldn't have, but it's all very good and it almost is better to have had my expectations confounded a bit. Some examples - this goes way faster than I'd have guessed for Dave. Being completely cut off, cross dressing, etc. I'd love to see Ashley with Jim Murta again, and I'd sort of expect Mike to almost lose interest/move on to next girl. But all that said, I love the choices and I love the conversations between Ashley and Dave. I hope we see Ashley at a work event for Dave soon as you hinted. Also hope the chastity cage becomes real. Finally, hope Ryan and Chang come back for Halloween party.
DeleteCompletely random, but it's "Replacement" not "Replacment".
ReplyDeleteBringing another women into the humiliation aspect is genius. Tamara can say and do things that Ashley can’t.
ReplyDeleteBaby monitors are a good way to go if you want cuck/cuckoldress interaction during the bedroom scenes. Some of the higher end models have one way video and I can only imagine the thoughts it will trigger in Dave.
If you ever continue this you should set up a tip jar. I would donate just to get some kind of ending to the series. Fanfiction is the most we can hope for at this point
ReplyDeleteHi, I have been continuing it recently. I've written a lot more. Thrown out a lot of what I've done before and I'm pretty enthused about it again. Mostly, I've been working on keeping the interactions between Dave and Ashley more indirect. I threw out the morning scene and pushed all that explicit stuff to much later or threw it out altogether.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't do a tip jar. This is just riffing off the originals. I'm going to post a longer blog update some day soon and maybe publish what I'm happy with so far.
Thanks for the comment!
Great to hear! You’re doing amazing work and i consider you our only hope for an ending. I salute you!
DeleteI’ve just finished reading this brilliant effort.
ReplyDeletePlease tell me your going to continue, I’m intrigued to see where your going with the story . A specially Tamara coming. Into it .
Many thanks great work
Posting this on 8/21/23. Just finished this story and it's brilliant. On par or better than original writers IMO. I don't see any date stamps on the other comments so not sure if this was answered recently or not. Are you still writing this story and if so when do you think you might have another update?
ReplyDeleteI am eager to check out things! Thank you to the person on OHW who let me know about this site!
ReplyDelete