Replacement Feedback.

Ashley's been reading your mail.

Thanks for all our comments. 

Here's my reaction to some of them. There's some spoilers in here for chapters I haven't published. Also, I haven't credited anyone as I'm not sure if they'd want even their fake internet names used, and some of these came by email. 

Ashley's workplace

I like that you’re going to have Ashley’s choices have an impact on the story. One of the most unrealistic aspects of the original novels was that she cheated on Dave at a work event with zero consequences. Since she’s good looking, some of the men above her might not care, but there’s probably quite a few female executives or middle management that would be judgmental. Especially because some of them have probably met Dave and thought he was a nice guy.

and

The idea of girls at work being catty and calling her a slut and what not and Ashley leaning on Dave to make her feel better about it is amazing.

I'm not so interested in what happens at her work from a HR perspective, but rather on how Ashley feels about other people's reactions. Since very few people do know but a lot of people at her workplace do know there's opportunity there. I haven't written anything about that but I think if/when. I do, Ashley will say a few things. First that when Jim blabs about the bathroom. she felt conscious about the rumours. She really didn't think he would talk. And when he does, this freaks her out, which is part of the reason she tries to cover it up. Maybe, she says, even though it was unplanned, she would have told Dave about it in her own time. But when she realises that the rumour is spreading she panics and tries to cover it up with Dave. However, after seeing how Dave reacts she feels differently. Now, she feels powerful and has a mental shield. A kind of "My husband likes this, so fuck you." attitude at work. Furthermore, when she brazens it out, she find she likes this feeling. She likes the idea of being thought of as a powerful, sexual woman who doesn't care what other people think of her. 

Now that I write that down, I think I do have to have her have that conversation with Dave.

Tamara

Any person going through such a radical change in lifestyle would want to confide in another person, especially if she’s the “winner” in the situation like Ashley. It would be interesting if she lies to herself when talking to Tamara in the same way Dave tends to rationalize things.

Interesting. We'll never get a conversation between Tamara and Ashley alone, since the whole story is from Dave's POV. However, I do have a chapter where all four (with Mike) go out together, and that has some conversations between Ashley and Tamara where Dave is present. 

I don't think Ashley is lying to herself, except perhaps being a bit blinkered about Mike. She has confided in Tamara right from the start. She was right there in the bathroom after all and in my view would have talked to Tamara about Dave's reaction and especially when he said he wanted to introduce Ashley o his 'old friend'.  

In that 'foursome' chapter we get a bit of Tamara relating how excited Ashley was after Dave introduced Mike. And later we get a long conversation later between Tamara and Dave (while Mike is fucking Ashley in another room) where T. reveals a lot about how A. feels about the situation, which is where Dave gets a lot of key insights about A. 

It's true that she wants this lifestyle to continue. She loves how things are working out. She thinks this will be best for Dave - his true nature - and she's prepared to manipulate him and hide things from him but she sees this as ends justifying the means.

I think Ashley is very insightful about Dave and his feelings. It might take her a little while to understand whats happening to him, but she gets there pretty quickly.  

Maybe this is a failing in me. I always place the cuckolding female character on a pedestal. I sometimes find myself defending her from readers who call her a heartless bitch. I don't see that in he OG books and I don't think I'd like a story where that was the case,

Read the snippets. I like your take on Tamara. There were hints that she would take more of a role in the original work but there’s no way to know what the author’s plan was for her

Confirming that he was outed to Tamara was a really good call. It kind of allows Dave to know it’s possibility, even though it’s unlikely that Ashley will want a lot of people to know. It gives him another route to over-analyze. I doubt Ashley would actually want their sorta lifestyle public, there are way too many negative repercussion .

Agree. But I think Ashley really, really gets a thrill from other people knowing. I develop a sub-plot from hints about Jimmy the apartment block doorman in the original novels. Spoilers: Jimmy does know pretty much everything. How could he not? Plus, Mike has talked to him. Ashley knows that Jimmy knows, though she never talks to Jimmy about it herself.  It gives her a thrill every time she sees Jimmy because he knows. (Not that anything is going to happen there, she just gets a buzz whenever she sees him looking at her.

She knows this is super dangerous and that a wider circle knowing might push Dave over the edge. For Dave this is like kryptonite. People knowing, even strangers, really pushes his buttons. 

2) seems pretty clear Tamara pushes her and sometimes guilts her into doing more - Ashley probably resents being the married, boring one while Tamara has fun. Jim is hot and she just finally gave in. Another example is where they mention Tamara wears the thong bikini but Ashley doesn't. Would love to see Ashley's bikini change after her evolution.

I don't think Ashley resents being married or is jealous of Tamara. Yes, T. pushes her to do outrageous things, but underlying that, is that T. has never found love and she is jealous of Ashley's marriage and wishes she had the same. Spoilers : She will come to realise, that she wants exactly the same. She wants a 'Dave' of her own that will love her for who she is.  She strongly suspected that Dave was a potential cuck even before Ashley married him. She disdained the weak, simpy guy that Ashley had chosen. Now, she realises the massive upsides of their relationship.

"Watching"

1. Personally, I don't think Dave watching is the end nor shooting your shot. As you said when you write it keeps getting there. It seems like your discovery writing that these characters need this to happen. Ast some point it’s the logical next step. I don’t think it should be avoided but embraced and used to push the character development. I think watching get them to communicate but there is a lot that could happen afterwards as they figure out how to balance everything and feel free to go deeper into there kinks.

It's an option, and one I've taken in almost everything else I've ever written. In "Eva's new Lifestyle" the husband character watches in Chapter two. The problem is that once it happens, it robs everything after of any doubt or impact. There's no stakes left, beyond losing her altogether and breakup. Now, there's lots to explore even beyond watching, as you say, but it's a different kind of story. 

The OG novels are mostly about Dave's confusion and self-deception. Once he's willingly watched. (And it's his acceptance, by watching, that would the key development) then he's no longer really in the same place mentally. It's kind of like a thriller where the bad guy gets caught near the start. There's still a whole building-the-case legal drama available, but that's not the same as a manhunt/detective story.

To be be clear, I mean willingly watching - not spying on them, or being forced to - which would be weird I think. He has to do it of his own accord. 

A common theme has been Ashley and Dave's constant assumptions and lack of communication. This can only go on so long before it either gets stale or it in order for things to move forward sexually the lack of communication will feel even more forced. This transition could be what tripped the original author up. I liked the view shift Dave had in your Tennis chapter. At this point we need some development of the characters internally so I hope this is an early chapter.

Completely. And the failure of one character to just explain their feelings clearly is a constant trope in drama. Whole movies plots are based on a premise of an early lack of communication. It feels forced and stupid. In this case though, in the OG novels Ashley does really want Dave to open up about his feelings. She tries to get him to talk several times and Dave lies, evades and runs away. She knows it will take him time to process his feelings. When she shares he becomes resentful and uncommunicative. Plus, she has Mike on her shoulder steering the relationship where he wants it to go - repeated humiliation for Dave dressed up in Ashley's desire for openness and sharing. 

I'm not sure I see that view shift in the Tennis chapter - it's a while since I read it. In what I call the 'NoFap' storyline Ashley decides that persuading Dave not to jerk off will help him to open up. She deduces that his shame and humiliation comes from the inevitable post-orgasm crash happening alone and isolated. She wants him to do this with her. She tries a couple of times (i.e. to introduce talking about cuckolding during sex) but they don't work out. She thinks if he had a period without any self-relief this would work out better. Plus, being denied will make him more submissive and malleable and she'll be able to get him to be truthful more easily. 

And it works. The slow steps toward more honest largely stem from him (willingly) abstaining from masturbation and then talking with Ashley.

 

"Is Ashley a hypocrite?"

3. I think Ashley is more independent and has a higher EQ than maybe you’re giving her credit for. She can try out what Mike suggests but draw her own conclusions. I think she knows herself better than Dave knows himself. She may even know Dave better than he does himself.

Oh God, I hope I haven't made Ashley seem dumb. In my view she knows Dave better than anyone has ever understood anyone. She was already 99% sure he'd be turned on by the bathroom incident. She knows very well what he went through and she knew exactly what was happening when he introduced Mike even though Dave was (and is) still in complete denial over his actions. 

Yes, she does try out Mike's suggestions. She thinks he knows a lot more about these things - and he does. She realises it's not working and tries a better tack, even though it takes her longer to realise Mike is being deceptive.

Interesting thoughts on Ashley. To me: yes it's very bad what she did, but I don't think it requires a ton of gymnastics. Some things I'd say:
1) some people are just wired to love and need sex and have wandering eyes. Studies show pornstars have a higher sex drive than other women, generally. If Ashley is just wired to be daring/sexual, it could happen. Most people would try and keep it quiet after, as she did.

3) also clear that David has always been safe, good choice. You reference that in the chastity before marriage thing. She has had no problem denying him sex in past.

I agree with the set up that Dave's and Ashely's subconscious desires made her cheating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Both need to own up to their own role in what happened.

For sure, Ashley has a high sex drive but I think she's more driven by a need for romance and connection than sex. Some of the couple stuff they do in the OG novels are almost saccharine sweet and they seem to be driven by Ashley. She loves Dave but she's slowly realised that he isn't as fulfilled sexually in their marriage, just like her.  She knows his personality, the subbiness, the deference. She has all the dots but hasn't really put them together until after she sees his reaction to the bathroom revelation. 

Part of why she likes being alone with Mike is that it makes it easier to play the role of submissive slut without worrying as much that doing so will compromise Dave's view of her as a dom and his ability to be her equal.

I've thought about this point a lot but I don't think I agree. I think Ashley gets the duality of her relationship with Dave. That her being dominated by Mike just heightens Dave's sexual submission. In the final scenes in 'Horizon' she knows dave is listening and says a lot of submissive sexual stuff just for his benefit. 

I think in that first scene with Mike after the bar, Mike has asked her if she wants to fuck in front of Dave (there's a lot of whispering). And she says she doesn't, because he just has a natural aversion to being watched during sex - most people have this, and even in these circumstances she still feels conscious. Also, Dave never says he wants to watch. In fact, he looks uncomfortable and ashamed and while he has set this up and passively allowed it to happen she thinks maybe that might be too much. Finally, she's swept along by Mike - he's the one who suggests the bedroom on the flimsy 'apartment tour' premise and she's excited and nervous and just goes along with it. She thinks this is the way Dave wants it too. Mike strongly implies it is, and he's been right about Dave's reactions ever since they made out at the bar in front of him.   So it's just the way it happens. And since Dave never complains about it afterwards, neither objecting to them having sex, nor that it was behind closed doors she just assumes that was the way he wanted it. 

Phew, this has got quite long, and there's a lot more, including a couple of people's deep analysis of where they'd like to see the story go. 

I'll get back to more comments later. In the meantime,  just want to say I love getting these comments and answering them. Nothing helps work out the kinks and reasoning about my own views quite so well as responding to other people's opinions.